Relationship where one has HSV2 and other doesn't

I have been tested and found to be positive for HSV2 and HSV1.  My new girlfriend has been tested and is positive for HSV1 but not for HSV2.  Our concern is how do we progress from here with as low risk for her yet still be sexually satisfied.  We don't know all the risks and what we can and can't do safely.  I read posts, yet can't answer the right questions in my mind.
1.  Is oral sex out without use of dental dams, or can we still enjoy some parts of sexual activities without constant protection?
2.  Can she get HSV2 anytime from me? Either from oral or vaginal sex
3.  Shedding can occur even when no outbreak occurs?
4.  What are the risks now with passionate kissing between us. Can I pass HSV2 to her through kissing? Through giving her oral?

[wantinglastinglove]

This new girlfriend is so very special to me.  She is a god sent to me and treats me so very good.  I have never experienced anyone like her before and having this come before us pains me to no end.  I have wanted nothing more than to experience the overall closeness of being with her sexually with no worries.  Now I feel our openness is at risk cause of the need for extra precautions.  If we must I will, because I don't want to lose what I feel could be a great love for me. I want her to feel comfortable but I don't want us to drive ourselves crazy with precautions if we don't need to.  We both want to be well informed and I don't want any added stress in her life.  I feel myself falling in love with her, and I know she is stressing.  This bothers me cause I am bringing this to her.  HELP!!!!!!!!

[gracefromHHP]

do you recall what your hsv2 igg was?

grace

[wantinglastinglove]

I scanned and sent her a copy of my results for her to discuss with her doctor.  My HSV 2 IGG  >5.00 H    Actually the HSV 1 IGG  >5.00  also.  Not sure what all the numbers mean other than both are considered positive results.  Is the higher the number any worse or does it mean anything besides being positive?
I fear that regardless of precautions, if she remains with me she will eventually contract it from me.  I feel horrible about this and realize this now is the one thing that is causing any stress for our relationship as far as sexually. We have only shared kissing and one instance of me performing oral on her and some other foreplay type activities. She has been checking into a lot herself, and we talk real well about it.  In fact she gave me this site to come to and check out. I feel I am a very sensual man who enjoys being with my partner in all levels of closeness.  I want this relationship to work out with her so bad, because I see all the qualities I have searched for in her.  I want to take the relationship to the next level, but also want to keep her health a priority for her if I can.  There are so many things I have read now and heard that I wish there was a black and white answer to all our questions.  I appreciate in advance all your help and effort in addressing our issues and those of all people on this forum.  Thank you.

[gracefromHHP]

Ok so no need for more testing then. thank you for providing your results for me.

are you on daily suppressive therapy?

grace

[wantinglastinglove]

yes I take 800 mg  of Acyclovir and recently started taking two in morning and two at night.(200mg pills).

[wantinglastinglove]

I see talk of a free pamphlet about herpes, but can't figure out where that pamphlet is to be found.  A lot of these forums posts are repeats of others so I guess having a pamphlet to consult for all the common questions is a good idea.  But having posts to comment on brings a little relief because I realize I am not just one lonely guy feeling less than normal in my situation.  My girlfriend is special and her not running from me with the positive result means so much to me. Talking to other people about it is good too because we can share our experiences and all be better informed. and thus educated.

[gracefromHHP]

www.westoverheights.com  has the free herpes handbook.

[wantinglastinglove]

I am wondering about my future with this woman.  She is wonderful, and regardless of our distance, I can't stop thinking about her.  We have not had sex yet, even though we have been seeing each other almost 3 months now.  I want an active sex life, with her, but wonder about risks we would have if we didn't use condoms, I was on suppressive therapy, and kept from having sex when signs of an outbreak.(which I have yet to have)  I am a very affectionate person, and enjoy oral, kissing, and hands on touchy feely things.  So I guess I am trying to compile a list of risk percentages for each scenario.  I don't want to put her at any health risks she doesn't wish to have, but would like to know our limitations and the risks we would be taking by percentages.  If shedding occurs through skin to skin contact, are we risking something just from skin to skin contact? E.G.  Holding close, laying naked together, showering.  Or is it just through genital skin to skin contact?

[wantinglastinglove]

I have such strong feelings for this woman, and the thought of having limitations and not being able to experience the ultimate closeness of having unprotected sex in a faithful relationship is sort of depressing. I really don't know how she feels in this whole thing.  I know she has some other things she is dealing with also, but at times I wonder if she is slipping away from me due to this.  That would crush me.  She is the one woman I have met who is most deserving of my love and attention.  And I feel like my mind will go crazy with worry about this.  I always thought true love should have no boundaries or limitations, yet I feel my lack of better decisions has given me a sentence of of just that.

[gracefromHHP]

Her risk is 4-5% over the course of an entire year if you take daily suppressive therapy and you don't use condoms but still avoid sex anytime anything is going on genitally.    I compare it to if the weather man said there was a 5% chance of snow today, would you get out your snow shovel?  Sure it can happen but odds are it won't :)

Just keep talking to your girl about everything, don't focus it all on herpes. it's really a small part of life in general and shouldn't be the #1 topic everytime you talk to her :)

grace

[wantinglastinglove]

We talk real well about a lot of issues, and this is the only issue where we feel needs addressed at this point.  So we get the 4-5% chance of risk to her with unprotected sex and abstaining when an obvious outbreak occurs.  But what about oral?  Mainly I think the issue would be her performing oral on me, since I am the HSV2 + one.  What are the chances of her getting HSV2 while performing oral on me? I gather from these posts that the risk to her with me performing oral on her is low, since she already has HSV1 and almost all cases of HSV2 are genital. (I have a + of both HSV1 and HSV2)  No worry of me giving her HSV1 genitally by giving her oral since she is a positive for HSV1 herself already. Right?  Not sure if that is confusing to you or others, but the whole topic of herpes is confusing.  The only thing I know is that I have lived with it for a bit of time if my number was >5. I feel totally normal physically and I lead a normal life. I guess most of the concern is more of the society view on Herpes, and some discomfort during an outbreak.  But if you could address these questions about oral I would appreciate it and my girlfriend and I can decide better our choices together.

[gracefromHHP]

she can contract hsv2 orally from you but the risk is rather low in general. You being on suppressive therapy makes her risk even lower yet. If she only performs protected oral sex on you, it's no risk for her.  

just keep asking questions as you have them :)

grace

[wantinglastinglove]

So knowing I have H2, doesn't tell if I have it orally or genitally does it?  So me performing oral on her could transmit H2 to her that way?(if I had H2 orally)  There is no test to tell if you have H1 or H2 either orally or genitally right? Can you have either one in both places?  And also using condoms doesn't even prevent the spread 100% cause outbreak locations may not be covered by the condoms themselves and then transmitting it will happen anyways. Correct?  So basically a non-infected person is taking a risk with ANY type of sexual contact with an infected person?

[wantinglastinglove]

top

[Mistakeguy789]

To answer your questions best I can.

There is not a way to know without a culture of the sore it self.  Those test can type specific it and see what it is.  Then you will know if that is the location of your infection.  

Yes you can have both and have both places infected with a different strain.

This is correct if you are shedding the virus in that location and it is not covered the person CAN be infected.  So yes there is a risk to the person.  Taking the proper precautions during ecounters will be wise.  Discuss with your partner.

[gracefromHHP]

odds are that you don't have hsv2 orally. No reason to really even worry that you "might" because even if you did, it sheds very infrequently and isn't likely at all to be transmitted through you performing oral sex on your partner. the risk is far more likely from genital sex and with you on suppressive therapy, that risk is minimal too.

grace

[wantinglastinglove]

I wrote once and thought I posted it, but somehow I can't find it.  My question is this:  My girlfriend and I both have H1.  But I have H2 also.  If I perform oral sex on her, there is no risk of worry about her getting H1 genitally is there?  She already has H1, so I thought I read somewhere that you can't reinfect someone with something they already have.  She is worried that I could give her H1 genitally (even though we assume her H1 is orally already) Can you please help alleviate some of our concerns with your opinion?

[wantinglastinglove]

top

[Mistakeguy789]

Those infected with HSV-1 do in fact have a higher immune response to infecton of a new location.  It is commonly discussed on the expert forums and stated that you are either highly resistant to it or completely immune.

[lou7979]

Hi Grace, I just read from one of your posts that an uninfected partner's risk of getting HSV-2 is 4-5% over the course of an entire year if the infected partner takes daily suppressive therapy and avoids sex anytime anything is going on genitally.  I'm curious about those statistics, 4-5%.  Is that a confirmed statistic or was that just your opinion? Because Ive been trying to find those kind of statistics online but I havent found any so I was wondering where you got that number from.  I also have HSV-2 and I wonder what are the risks I pose to my uninfected partner, and that percentage seems so low that I want to make sure it's accurate.  Thanks.

[gracefromHHP]

real statistics and not something I make up. they come from several studies as well as the valtrex and reduction in transmission study ( see their website or the article is in the NEJM )

www.westoverheights.com is a terrific resource for more reading too.

grace

[lou7979]

Thanks for the confirmation Grace, it was very helpful. If you don't mind, I had one more question. This is related to a concern that was mentioned on this forum.  In my case, I'm a 30 yr old male that is HSV-1 and HSV-2 positive but my female partner is negative for both types.  If she performs oral sex on me when I'm not having an outbreak and I'm not using a condom (but I am an taking antiviral medication), what are the chances she can contract HSV-2 orally?  And if I'm not taking the antiviral medication, what are the chances then?  Thanks for your help.

[lou7979]

Grace, I was hoping you can clear up something for me.  I went to the website www.westoverheights as you recommended and I found some useful information there.  According to a link that I saw on that site, I read that for couples in whom one partner has genital herpes and the other does not, it appears the average rate of transmission is about 5 to 10% per year when the couples avoid intercourse during outbreaks.

But then I saw on another website that one study found that up to 70% of people who DO have herpes got it from their partner when their partner had no signs or symptoms of an outbreak.

So is it just me or do these 2 stats seem to contradict each other??  The first one is saying that the chances are very small (10%) that an uninfected partner will get infected from their partner if they don't have sex during outbreaks.  But the second one is saying that there is a high chance (70%) you can get infected even though
there are no signs or symptoms of an outbreak.

Thats the way I interpreted it, I'd really appreciate your input on this.  Thank you.

[Mistakeguy789]

The stats are for two different things.

You are quoting a risk of transmission for one (5-10%) and the person who got herpes during a sexual encounter was during a time when the partner had no symptoms (70%).  So it could be concluded that 70% of the people who did get herpes were when there were no signs or symptoms were present.  So if 100 people are in that 5-10% stat then 70 of them would have gotten herpes when there were no symptoms.  

[gracefromHHP]

proverbial apples to oranges. you can't compare the 2 stats you are trying to compare.

the 5-10% risk depends on gender.  females are more likely to contract hsv2 than males are.  Taking daily suppressive therapy, greatly reduces that risk even more.

we don't have stats for hsv2 oral transmission like we do for genital transmission. it just doesn't happen very often for us to do the same types of studies to get that info. your partner can contract hsv2 orally but the risk is low. suppressive therapy reduces that risk also.

grace

[lou7979]

Both of you totally cleared that up for me.  Thanks a lot, now I understand it and it makes more sense now.  

[lou7979]

In terms of suppressive therapy, does one type of medication work more effective than others?  I have read that Valtrex is the only one that has proven to reduce the risk of transmission, but are other medications just as effective as Valtrex if taken daily?  My doctor prescribed Zovirax to take, but only when I have outbreaks.  I'm just wondering if I take Zovirax on a daily basis will it be just as effective as taking Valtrex on a daily basis, in terms of reducing the risk of transmission.  Thanks again.

[gracefromHHP]

valtrex is the only one studied for reduction in transmission. won't be any with acyclovir or famvir either most likely since they are both generics now.  

anything that reduces viral shedding is going to reduce transmission to a partner to some degree. All 3 oral herpes antivirals we currently have reduce shedding and for the most part about the same amount.  Think of is as putting sunblock on when you go to the beach - won't keep you from getting a sunburn 100% but it's sure gonna help.  make sense?

grace

[wantinglastinglove]

I posted a question and was hoping you would answer it for me, but somehow my post was responded to and sparked other conversation, which is good.  I asked the following


I wrote once and thought I posted it, but somehow I can't find it.  My question is this:  My girlfriend and I both have H1.  But I have H2 also.  If I perform oral sex on her, there is no risk of worry about her getting H1 genitally is there?  She already has H1, so I thought I read somewhere that you can't reinfect someone with something they already have.  She is worried that I could give her H1 genitally (even though we assume her H1 is orally already) Can you please help alleviate some of our concerns with your opinion?

[gracefromHHP]

it was answered by mistakeguy but I'll answer it again.

Your gf has significant protection from contracting hsv1 genitally since she has it orally. Not worth worrying about just err on the side of caution and if you have an obvious cold sore present, don't perform oral on her ( or vice versa - cold sores are open portals into the body for germs in general ).

grace

[lou7979]

Just to follow up to your last response.  In my case my gf is HSV-1 negative and I am HSV-1 positive.  So if I perform oral sex on her, is the risk still low that she will contract HSV-1 genitally even though she never contracted HSV-1 before?  (Assuming I perform oral sex when I don't have any cold sores in my mouth). Thx