Telling a man he might have given you herpes and he doesn't respond, what to do?

[sirena210]

Was diagnosed last year with HSV 2 from a positive culture....just wrote a long story on here that was deleted because it exceeded the limit for characters. I worried for weeks that i may have been the carrier and given it to the man i had been seeing, long distance, for 2 years.  We had gotten together in his town and I mistakenly suggested we not use a condom this time (he ALWAYS made sure we did) in the heat of the moment.  Week later i had sore blisters.  A month later i went for a blood test to find out if it was new infection.  The test was negative for HSV 2 antibodies, was told 95% likelihood it WAS a new infection. I had not been with another man for 3 years before meeting him. Didn't tell him right away, was waiting until we got together again, and in the meantime a lot happened in my life - there was a hurricane that flooded VT and I lost my job due to that.  This man does not communicate well and we would text or email in between visits, but he works a lot of hours and would go days/weeks without connecting, then resurface, wanting to see me.  didn't tell him until i accidentally discovered on facebook that he was getting involved with a woman in his area. Left a msg on his phone, about that, and about the herpes...not blaming, just telling him.  Later sent email telling him i was NOT blaming, just blurted it out, and it had not changed my feelings for him. I have yet to hear from him, and am hurting, still.  Can a man be so embarrassed and ashamed that they don't know how to talk about a situation like this??  He very much respected and liked me, and had feelings for me. How can i help him break his silence about this?

[sirena210]

thank you for your response Grace... I do know I've done my part, and yes I did want to let him know so that he could be tested in case he wasn't aware that he has herpes.  But I feel my timing of telling him, on the phone when i was emotional because i had discovered that he was seeing someone else, was not the best, and contributed to the silence between us.  I wanted to wait and tell him when we got together again.  I know it's not easy to talk about this with someone, but I want to tell him that I chose to tell him also because I want to be honest about anything that happens between us. I believe it could bring us closer in a way, to talk about it together.  I know i cannot control his reaction, but i just wish i knew what it was!  I don't even know really if he IS with another woman, and feel his silence could be this whole herpes issue.  IS IT relatively common for a man to not be able to talk about it if he thinks/knows he gave a woman he cared about HSV 2??  Especially if the man tends to be a bit guarded with his emotions anyway??  Or does it mean he doesn't have a conscience??  I have respected this man, so I do not understand emotionally how he can not talk to me about it, say something....etc.

[gracefromHHP]

nothing else you can do to be honest dear. You let him know that you contracted it and odds are it came from him so that he can get tested, you've done your part.  

grace