Gave it to him

[sarahcruz]

I just found out this weekend my soon-to-be ex had his first outbreak.  

Genital HSV2.

He knew I had it.  And now he is under the impression that being with someone else because of this "horrible" affliction is out of the question.

I feel absolutely horrible.  I feel worse about this than the divorce itself.  I have no problem with my genital herpes.  I am not ashamed, people know...it's not a big deal.  But I NEVER liked the idea of giving it to him, or anyone else.  I never wished that kind of pain on someone else, because no one knows how others will take it.

I gave him some valtrex, told him how to take it, and told him to take it.  Hopefully he does.  Does saying you're sorry help?  That I am so completely and utterly sorry for him having to go through what I did....

[sarahcruz]

Woulda made me feel better that's for sure....haha..

[scared_half_to_death]

Maybe you should have given him a recurrent swift kick in the balls... There! No anti-viral treatment for that...

[sarahcruz]

You are all so right.  I'm not taking his calls, and the last thing I told him was to get his butt to medical and get tested.  Or he'll never know.  

I'm not a doctor, I can't diagnose just because I have it.

Thanks

[auntiejessi]

Wow hon - I can totally see why you are divorcing the SOB.

I say don't take his calls, emails, etc., and if he thinks he has something, he can put his big boy underoos on and get himself to a doc.

AJ

[waringblender]

He wouldn't necessarily have "gotten" it. It's harder to contract than people realize, especially if you know you have it and use precautions like medication. What sticks out in this story is why you are so bent out of shape about his possibly contracting it. (I agree with the above poster that if this wasn't diagnosed by a doctor, then you don't know what's going on and it might not even be herpes.)

If you are divorced from the guy, start looking ahead and getting on with your life. He can take care of himself, and you dwelling on this situation keeps you stuck to him emotionally.

[Looking4Answers33]

First of all, it is not, and never was "your" fault!  Especially considering the circumstances that caused the exposure in the first place.  I tend to agree with others and their postings about the possibility of his staging such a ploy to guilt you into staying in this marriage.  Has he been officially diagnosed, or is this something that he is simply claiming?

[sarahcruz]

Let me clarify.  I was raped in February 2007, he knew.  We got married in May 2007.  When I mean after we were married, I mean before.  

He used to tell me it was my fault some guy "banged" me, and gave me HSV2

[sarahcruz]

I have had sex with him...Wednesday night.  I figure thats a pretty good time frame.  I wasn't having an outbreak (that I know of) and I wasn't having any prodrome symptoms.

But you know how pesky this little virus can be sometimes.

The way that he treated me, the way he was with me...telling me I'm a *****, and a **** because I have this AFTER we were married, things like that...that I'm the reason he's angry all the time...I'm not feeling too bad about it anymore.

We never used condoms, but we never had sex on outbreaks, prodrome symptoms, and I ALWAYS took my meds.  Honestly, eventually he would've gotten it.

[auntiejessi]

Have you been with him sexually since then?

This all seems odd.  And yes, I am way too cynical sometimes, but might this be a ploy to get you to stay?

AJ

[sarahcruz]

I don't...I've never noticed anything odd before...and he was tested a couple of months ago...came back negative.

[auntiejessi]

Oh Sarah -

How does he know this is herpes?  Has he been to a doc?  Has he had it officially diagnosed?

No one likes transmitting it, but he did know, he took the risk, and now he is worried no one else will want him.  Well, he wanted you, and he knew you had it, right?  

If you are divorcing him, I find it somewhat interesting that he is just now having his first ob.  I am probably too cynical, but it seems fishy to me.

AJ