Valtrex dependency

[helpanswer]

Hi,

I am currently dating a guy who has hsv2. I've been tested and do not have it. I've written to this forum before when I was going through all the different emotions and not sure if I wanted to risk acquiring herpes. Well, I've continued with the relationship and since we've just been very careful--- use condoms throughout and limit skin exposure. I know the base of the penis can never be completely covered, so that is my main concern. He has never had an apparent outbreak so it is hard to know when he is shedding the virus. I've just been trusting condoms. He is willing to go on Valtrex, but his concern is that if he goes on it, his body will become dependent. For example, if he goes on it then decides to discontinue, will his body be more susceptible or prone to an outbreak because of taking it? He has always been symtpom free and would only take valtrex to reduce transmission to me, not because he has discomfort or outbreaks. Will taking Valtrex change his immunities against the virus when he is off the pill?

Thanks

[gracefromHHP]

When you chose to be in a relationship with someone who has herpes - as long as you are in that relationship or don't have obvious symptoms - no reason to get tested frequently.  If you want just to keep an eye on things - get a blood test every year at your yearly exam - otherwise as long as you are with your man and aren't pregnant - no symptoms means no reason to get tested. Does that make sense?

Should you become pregnant - be sure to get tested for hsv2 at the start of your pregnancy as well as at the 3rd trimester start.

Should you and your man break up - get yourself tested again 3 months after the last time you had sex before moving on to a new relationship.

Condoms and your man on suppressive therapy means a 2-3% risk each year of acquiring hsv2 from him.  If someone told you you had a 2-3% chance of wining the powerball tonight - would you run right out of work and go buy a ticket?  At the price of gas - that small chance isn't worth it is it?

I'm with waringblender in that my man wearing a pair of boxers during sex just doesn't do it for me. Besides I'm cheap/lazy enough that to me it's just more laundry that needs done ...he he he.  Females are better protected by condoms from herpes than males are.  Plus it still leaves the base of the penis exposed unless he's wrapping a hunk of duct tape around the boxer short opening to keep it stuck to the condom ( please get it on video when he pulls that off!!! I'd watch that on u tube!!!! ).  

Try to relax more about all this ( I know - easier said than done!! ).  Enjoy your sex life with your man :)   Don't "do it" once in a blue moon - do it whenever you can !!!  before you know it the "newness' will  wear off and he won't look near as attractive to you as he does now...he he he  

grace

[helpanswer]

Thanks for all your time, you have a good head on your shoulders! If he had been on medication before, I probably wouldn't have been so worried.

You are right about everything you say. I think we are going to chill out for now. We know that if dating doesn't work out, we are close enough to be able to stay as friends. If we feel the time comes where we really want to be together for the long hall, then these worries/barriers will drop. Ultimately, I do want to be uninhibited with the person I'm with (no condoms,etc), herpes or no herpes. Im not going to get tested for a few months now unless I get an outbreak.

Thanks again for all of the advice/information. It helped a lot:)

[waringblender]

Wow. Okay, your running and getting tested after every sexual episode doesn't bode well. I suggest counseling. Again, start educating yourself. Even if you guys don't use condoms or medication, your risk is low. But it sounds like you really can't resolve this aspect of your relationship. Maybe you should move on.

I've never had a man I slept with say "I need to get tested before we  screw again just to be sure." Actually, if any man I was sleeping with said that, I'd tell him to bugger off and find somebody else. Yeesh.  

[waringblender]

I know several women who did not "have to have" C-sections because of their herpes. C-sections are not de rigueur because you have herpes. I'm not a medical professional but it's just not true that this is the case with women and pregnancy with herpes.

I also don't believe women get more painful or frequent outbreaks than men. Outbreak patterns are very individual and not gender-specific. Again, it would help to get some facts about herpes before making generalizations about it.

The OP still sounds like she is doing selective reading on here, though. (Sorry, but that's my interp of your comments in response up above.) You don't need to worry about "where" your boyfriend is shedding  if he is using medication. That's the whole point of the medication. If you can't wrap your mind around the idea that the medication is highly effective on its own for prevention, and if the two of you use condoms religiously then you have an extremely low risk, then you probably shouldn't be dating the guy. Extract yourself and let him find a partner who accepts this about him. You aren't doing yourself or him any favors by defining your sexual relationship around wearing boxer shorts or not touching him in certain areas because of your fear.  

If you continue to struggle with it, either get counseling around it, or leave him and find somebody negative. It's ultimately not fair to either one of you, and you should not be fearful when you get into bed with your partner. That's a surefire way to destroy intimacy, not build it.

I'll add in closing that, as a single woman living with herpes for quite a while, it is not the life-altering scary thing that many folks make it out to be. In fact, I would have to say that it's not changed very much about my social life, and it certainly doesn't affect me physically or medically. 90% of people with herpes don't even realize they have it, so it certainly isn't changing people's medical health for the worse. On the social aspects, I've only had a few rejections, and every man I've been with has been negative via blood test, and they still want to screw me, even the guys going in knowing it's casual sex. In short, it's not that big a deal to a lot of people, and it certainly isn't a big deal to me.

Just my 2 cents, though. Good luck to you. Again, if you can't work through your fear, get therapy for it, or leave.

[helpanswer]

Sicwithworry-

So you haven't gotten tested yet to see if you contracted the virus? Yes, it certainly is a nerve-wracking thing to have to wait. But, as you probably have read from this thread and others, he may not have been shedding the virus at the time. Did you use protection? I had sex twice with my partner before his blood results came back that showed he was positive. I was worried sick for about six weeks, then I got tested and I was negative. I've had sex since and still have to wait to see. I'm more chilled out about it now after having done all the research and frankly, I just got to the point hwere I was emotionally drained. We were very careful these last couple of times, but I wish he was already on Valtrex, then I really wouldn't worry. Anyway, chances are you are fine and that boy should have told you! On the other hand, my guy never wold have tested for it if I hadn't made him.

Regarding this vaccine, I know there was a trial period for it, but I hear there is limited funding at this point, which has delayed the research process. If anything, I thought it would be another couple of years before it came out?

Best of luck and I need it to. I think I'll refrain for now until he 1. gets valtrex and 2. I get tested again. That is the best way to see if what we've been doing so far has been effective against transmission.

[sicwithworry]

There is a herpes vaccine in the works that is expected be available this year. It can be used by anyone who has not been exposed to hsv1 and hsv2.  You could wait till the vaccine is out and got for it..