with her again two weeks ago(oral and vaginal). I've known her family for years and assumed it was safe. Three days after the second encounter, i started feeling a slight tingling/irritation on the corner of my lip. the area approximately half the size of an eraser head, simply got a little red and irritated. There were no blisters, no lesions or inflamation (inflammation). I remembered giving her oral and scraping the corner of my lip against her shaved pubic hairs and assumed they irritated my lip and thought nothing of it. I read somewhere that it might be a slight irritation or infection. A couple of days later, I had oral and vaginal sex with my girlfriend. approximately 5-6 days later, she started complaining of irritation and slight pain in the vagina area. I feel terrible for not taking precautions and potentially what I might have done to her with my poor judgement. So the questions are:
1) What are the chances it was herpes, with no blisters, swelling, just redness and no cluster of bumps.
2) If she does have genital herpes from me and we get married, are there any long term negatives besides the bumps and pain of recurrence to a married couple
3) If I did give her genital herpes orally, can she now give me that same infection to my genital area if we have sex? If yes, how long should I wait before having sex with her
sounds like you already have hsv1 orally and have had it for the last 20 years. http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_learn_oralherpes.cfm has terrific info on oral herpes for more reading. Even though your lesions at the time were on your nose, it's still oral herpes and you would be shedding the virus periodically from the oral cavity to potentially transmit to a partner either orally or genitally ( through oral sex ). It's not unusual for the "trauma" of performing oral sex on a partner to trigger a recurrence ( you had prodromal symptoms from the sounds of it which would also include shedding of the virus even if you didn't get an obvious cold sore ).
your regular partner will need to go and be seen and get a full work up done to find out what is going on. It may or may not be std related.
since you've had unprotected sex with another partner, it's best to properly cover your bases and get full std testing done at the proper times. You can get tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia and ngu anytime after 1 week post encounter. syphilis after 6 weeks. herpes, hepatitis and hiv after 3 months. Another option is to ask your other partner to seek out full std testing and share her results with you. Offering to pay is usually a nice gesture :)