do i have asympotomatic herpes? did i give it to my bf

hi

i am female, i have never had an std (as far as i know )..  
and since my first relationship in 2000, i have always had sex with condoms

my last std test was in 2006 which came back all clear.
Since then in 2007 i  was with with one person sexually for a period of 1 year during which we always used condoms...  however we had unprotected oral sex..

i abstained from sex between 2008 Aug and 2010 February

In March i started seeing a guy...  
we had unprotected oral sex 4-5 times and protected vaginal sex 3 times...

Today he told me that for the past 5 days he has been having pain while urinating... and also has some redness at the tip of his penis (which was only apparent if he really looked closely under bright lights)

He has not been sexually active in over a year before we met and had all std tests done and was all clear before he met me...

So now i am freaking out... cos if he has something it means i have it too and  i gave it to him...

The only way i could have given him something is thru oral sex...cos thats the only time his penis tip was in contact with me unprotected...

Can this mean that i have oral herpes ... and not know it ??

In 2003 i dated a guy for 3 months ...who has oral herpes...  i have always worried after that if i had it ... but i never had any symptoms...
but now i am really unsure if maybe i missed symptoms...
for ex: i got a really small pimple on my lipline last week.. but it didn't hurt at all , .i thought it was an ingrown hair from threading my upper lip..i used a tweezer to break it..and it went away 1 day later...  .  could it have been oral herpes..

really really worried...  i would feel devastated if i gave my lover something...  
i am 34 and he is 23 so i feel even worse given that he is so young...  

could you tell me what he could be having...  and if i could have given it to him ?

he is getting tested tomorrow and i am thinking of going and getting tested for every std under the sun myself...  

thanks

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

I understand that you are very worried, and his testing will help to clarify, perhaps.  Have you ever been tested to see if you have HSV 1 antibody?  That would help you to know if you are infected with HSV 1, but it won't tell you where - it could be oral or genital.  Redness is not necessarily a symptoms of herpes.  If he's not had any sores, it would be less likely though not impossible for him to have herpes.  I would encourage both of you to get antibody tested for HSV 1 and 2.  Are you saying that he is a virgin?  If not, he could certainly have herpes or other infection from previous relationships.

Terri

[freakedout_questions]

i just read that chlamydia and gonhorroea cannot be transmitted if using condoms...  so i guess we can rule those two out

which leaves hpv and herpes
hpv is painless?  so it cant be it...

which leaves only herpes as the possible cause for what he has...
is that correct?

question:  he said he has some redness at the tip of his penis...  does this mean i have oral herpes and gave it to him during oral sex?  or can it be that i have genital herpes and gave it to him?  if its genital herpes and we had sex only with condoms ....woudnt the redness he had be in a place that is not covered by the condom??

kindly reply...  i am sick with worry and cant sleep....
what does  he have... and what do i have ... how have i given  transmitted it to him

[freakedout_questions]

hi terri, thanks for your answer

he was not a virgin, but he has not been with anyone else for over a year and he got tested for std's after his last relation and he was all clear.

how soon after the "burning while peeing" and redness   will the sores appear?  He has not had any sores so far...  but has had the redness and pain while peeing for 5 days now.

could you clarify the following:
it cant be chlamidiya or  gonhorrea nor yeast infection because we used condom
so that leaves only herpes as a disease he could have got unprotected oral and protected
i read that men dont usually get uti's so the burnign sensation is definitely related to an STD.. is that right

[freakedout_questions]

could dr.hhh kindly answer my questions

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

When you say that he was tested for STDs before, do you know that herpes was specifically included?  It most often is not.  Might be worth checking on that to be certain.

If you used a condom, I would agree that gonorrhea and chlamydia are very unlikely as they are infrequently transmitted via oral sex but I have seen urethritis in men that had only received oral sex that wasn't gonorrhea or chlamydia, and antibiotics have cleared it up.   Not sure exactly what might have been causing that but some bacteria from the mouth is likely.  Yeast is a possibility as yeast from your vaginal area could have come in contact with parts of his genital area that are not covered by a condom.  

Its also possible that through oral sex you could have transmitted oral herpes to him, that does happen, but the symptoms that you describe in him don't sound a lot like herpes to me.   I think the first step in the process would be to check his previous labs and see if he was actually negative both both HSV 1 and 2, then you have a baseline and can go ahead from there.

If you want Dr. Handsfield to answer your post, you'll need to post on the STD Forum.
That's where he and Dr. Hook answer STD questions.

Terri

[summerluvr]

It could be anything stop blaming yourself and tell him to set up a dr. appointment, then if you want you can go with him and get tested too. It could be yeast, or even irritation from the condom. Or somthing he already had.