herpes transmission

[zlam1991]

I realize that there are a ton of responses for rate of transmission for herpes, but they are all from quite a bit ago.  I have genital HSV-1, I got it from my second partner who must have given it to me through oral sex, but I guess I'll never be 100 percent sure.  It has been a year and 3 months since my initial outbreak, and I had a second OB a month post-initial OB.  Anyways, I'm talking to this new guy (we're not dating or official but we may as well be) and we haven't had sex and he's not pressuring me whatsoever.  But I want to have sex, but I also don't want to tell him because we have the same circle of friends and if something doesn't work out I can't bare to see him out.  Sooo...I just want to know the transmission rates.  I'm not saying I'll have sex with him w/out him knowing, but honestly it's the most difficult thing.  I don't have a bad rep nor have I ever had a bad rep.  I'm not a **** and this def does not make me one, it's just hard the stigma blows big time.  Therefore, that's a little background of myself and why I want to know this.  I know this question can get annoying, but it's 2011... there's gotta be some research that has taken place to be more informed on this topic,  yea?  Please let me know.

[Mistakeguy789]

1.  It wouldn't man that he would for sure get it.  Some exposures to HSV don't lead to infection.  It just means that there is a risk.  With or without a condom.  though the risk with a condom during viral shedding is low.  

2.  The body has an immune response to the virus regardless of location.  So yes he would be protected from your HSV-1 genital because if he has HSV-1 orally he has antibodies for HSV-1.  Just avoid sex during each others outbreaks is the best bet and best advice.  

[zlam1991]

Grace, thank you so much for getting back to me so fast!  You give such great information to people seeking answers on this site.  Anyways, I have two questions...

1. If I were to have sex on one of the days I was shedding, does this mean my uninfected partner would get the virus indefinitely?  With a condom? Without a condom?

and finally you stated...

"If he also has hsv1, whether he knew it prior to testing or not, your hsv1 genital infection isn't an issue at all in the relationship."

2. Does this mean if he has HSV-1 (orally or genitally) he would be protected regardless if I have HSV-1 genitally or did you mean if he had HSV-1 genitally he would be okay?  

[gracefromHHP]

It's in your best interest to talk about this with him. You can still contract hsv2 so you want to discuss herpes in general as well as all other std's with this person.  find out when he was last tested and for what. If he also has hsv1, whether he knew it prior to testing or not, your hsv1 genital infection isn't an issue at all in the relationship. if he has hsv2, you'll need to discuss what precautions to take to protect yourself. having the "talk" is so much more than just discussing your herpes - it's protecting yourself too!!  

there isn't a stigma to herpes unless you believe there is one.

hsv1 genitally sheds about 3% of days- that's less than a dozen days out of the year total. You can potentially have sex on one of those days but the risk of such is low in general.

grace