Aa
Dating after HPV
First off, I have been reading through some of these threads and if one comment stuck out it was the person who reminded me not to be a worry wart about the subject. Thank you for the in poor taste shameless pun. I laughed very hard.
Anyway, I joined the party a few days ago after a very disappointing diagnosis and I quickly realized my previously carefree sex life is pretty much over. I am a great looking 26 yo male, but no matter how good looking I am and how personable I can be I cannot see how I can ever be attractive to anyone after the words Genital Warts leave my mouth. I am aware that it is possibly the most benign STD, that the symptoms will likely never come back after a period of up to 2 years, that it is very common, and a lot of other somewhat but not completely comforting information. Still even after I develop immunities I will be a carrier and will continue to pose a risk, however small, of transmission to future sexual partners. Because I cannot in good conscience knowingly expose others to this unpleasantness without at least informing them of their risk I am at an impasse. Who in their right mind would willingly take a gauranteed risk of exposure to an STD on the hope that it might work out with someone youve just started dating? Other problem, this now puts a massive amount of pressure on the importance of sex in a relationship. It used to be, in my somewhat wreckless and irresponisble world, that sex was just something that happened as you were getting to know someone, usually between the third and fifth date and often times much sooner. It didnt mean you were going to get married or that you were in a serious relationship it just meant you were willing to explore intimacy with someone. Since sex will now be a discussion of an ugly social stigma, my feelings of self-loathing/disgust, and where this relationship is going, how is my life not ruined? I feel like it is now kinda out of the question to sleep with a girl after telling her this and not have her expect a whole lot more than women already do in return for intimacy. Im only 26, Im not looking for marriage, or long term relationships(I may have to ammend this position) and very attractive girls have been presenting themselves to me quite frequently lately. Fact is I already have enough problems with connecting to people and this sure as hell isn't helping.
I don't actually expect anyone on here to have any answers I am just happy I could vent some of this somewhere and am hoping someone in a similar position might sympathize. Also suggestions on how to discuss the topic with someone would be helpful. I was thinking of asking someone if it would bother them to shake hands with someone else if they knew that in that persons past they had had a wart on their finger. This really sucks, hope the rest of you are dealing with it better.
Side note, I used to have plantars warts on a few fingers and I made a vinegar soaked bandage to treat them worked like a charm, they fell off in a few days.I havnt had them since and its been several years.
Anyway, I joined the party a few days ago after a very disappointing diagnosis and I quickly realized my previously carefree sex life is pretty much over. I am a great looking 26 yo male, but no matter how good looking I am and how personable I can be I cannot see how I can ever be attractive to anyone after the words Genital Warts leave my mouth. I am aware that it is possibly the most benign STD, that the symptoms will likely never come back after a period of up to 2 years, that it is very common, and a lot of other somewhat but not completely comforting information. Still even after I develop immunities I will be a carrier and will continue to pose a risk, however small, of transmission to future sexual partners. Because I cannot in good conscience knowingly expose others to this unpleasantness without at least informing them of their risk I am at an impasse. Who in their right mind would willingly take a gauranteed risk of exposure to an STD on the hope that it might work out with someone youve just started dating? Other problem, this now puts a massive amount of pressure on the importance of sex in a relationship. It used to be, in my somewhat wreckless and irresponisble world, that sex was just something that happened as you were getting to know someone, usually between the third and fifth date and often times much sooner. It didnt mean you were going to get married or that you were in a serious relationship it just meant you were willing to explore intimacy with someone. Since sex will now be a discussion of an ugly social stigma, my feelings of self-loathing/disgust, and where this relationship is going, how is my life not ruined? I feel like it is now kinda out of the question to sleep with a girl after telling her this and not have her expect a whole lot more than women already do in return for intimacy. Im only 26, Im not looking for marriage, or long term relationships(I may have to ammend this position) and very attractive girls have been presenting themselves to me quite frequently lately. Fact is I already have enough problems with connecting to people and this sure as hell isn't helping.
I don't actually expect anyone on here to have any answers I am just happy I could vent some of this somewhere and am hoping someone in a similar position might sympathize. Also suggestions on how to discuss the topic with someone would be helpful. I was thinking of asking someone if it would bother them to shake hands with someone else if they knew that in that persons past they had had a wart on their finger. This really sucks, hope the rest of you are dealing with it better.
Side note, I used to have plantars warts on a few fingers and I made a vinegar soaked bandage to treat them worked like a charm, they fell off in a few days.I havnt had them since and its been several years.
She is right about it could be something worse. When you get as paroniod as i did and thought i had herpes, it really does put things into perspective!
You are a brave man! Congratulations. I am glad that your situation improved so quickly.
Hey, so I started this thread last week a few days after I had been diagnosed and when I still thought my sex life was ruined. Well I guess it's not. Since then I have discussed my diagnosis with two girls. The first was someone I may recently have infected. She didn't freak, she didn't get angry, she didn't cry and she didn't get upset. She was a little scared I tried to give her all the information I had learned and she later went to talk with her doctor about it. She took it very well and she was happy I told her. Second someone is someone with whom things are currently progressing quickly. When I finally told her she was relieved it wasn't something worse. It turned out she dealt with HPV a few years ago herself, she knew exactly what I was dealing with, and she is still very interested. I guess I went from being pretty upset and thinking my life was ruined to feeling pretty good about how things are going. Thanks for all the helpful responses to my original post and I hope my experience will be comforting to anyone with HPV who stumbles across this thread. I don't think this would have been nearly so bad if weren't for the stigma and the fact that no one talks about it.
Read this story.
http://yoshi2me.com/stories/tom.html
I am researching on this topic for quite a long time. It is incredible how different people in the same situation get different results. You never know. Some can´t find partners because of genital herpes, others say they were never rejected because of it.You can be rejected because of nail fungus and accepted despite HIV. People are different. I have CMV and probably oral HSV 1 (I still do not know exactly despite tests, some of which are positive, some negative). Doctors say CMV is not a problem and I don´t have to discuss it at all. But I don´t agree. Can you imagine this conversation?) Almost nobody have heard of it anyway (although the majority of the world adult population has it and you often get it in yout childhood), and may think it is smth. like HIV. But these considerations are rather theoretic for me. CMV cannot affect my sex life because I do not have any. You know, what´s the worst for me? To know that there is smth. in my body that should not be there and I can do nothing about it. I think you are familiar with the feeling. If I could choose, I will definitely take the option of becoming and staying free of CMV and other things I may have and never having a relationship with a man over the option of finding someone who will accept me anyway.
Remember one thing. You see your infection as a problem, but it is always mutual. You never know what infections a girl has, maybe your warts are a minor cosmetic defect in comparison with her problems.
You don´t want to tell? Do not. Just go together for a check-up. See what she has and disclose your stuff at that point.
http://yoshi2me.com/stories/tom.html
I am researching on this topic for quite a long time. It is incredible how different people in the same situation get different results. You never know. Some can´t find partners because of genital herpes, others say they were never rejected because of it.You can be rejected because of nail fungus and accepted despite HIV. People are different. I have CMV and probably oral HSV 1 (I still do not know exactly despite tests, some of which are positive, some negative). Doctors say CMV is not a problem and I don´t have to discuss it at all. But I don´t agree. Can you imagine this conversation?) Almost nobody have heard of it anyway (although the majority of the world adult population has it and you often get it in yout childhood), and may think it is smth. like HIV. But these considerations are rather theoretic for me. CMV cannot affect my sex life because I do not have any. You know, what´s the worst for me? To know that there is smth. in my body that should not be there and I can do nothing about it. I think you are familiar with the feeling. If I could choose, I will definitely take the option of becoming and staying free of CMV and other things I may have and never having a relationship with a man over the option of finding someone who will accept me anyway.
Remember one thing. You see your infection as a problem, but it is always mutual. You never know what infections a girl has, maybe your warts are a minor cosmetic defect in comparison with her problems.
You don´t want to tell? Do not. Just go together for a check-up. See what she has and disclose your stuff at that point.
KCheese has basically said it how it is. I am just like you a young (i like to think attractive!) lad and i just want to lead a normal sexual life again and would do anything to go back in time and change that. But there are many people like us and a thread one guy created that was answered directly by the doctors who have over 30 years experiance in this field and it was very useful for me and mad me alot more positive that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/HPV-Inquiry/show/1275276#post_5842881
let me know what you think
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/HPV-Inquiry/show/1275276#post_5842881
let me know what you think
I had a HPV scare awhile back as well and had the exact same thoughts you have written.
Realistically, if you do not have a recurrent infection within 3 months, you body has suppressed it. And if you do not have any recurrent infections for 2 years, I would say it is no longer transmittable (for most people).
It really is just the social stigma of STDs and the affect on peoples way of thinking.
You should abstain from sex all together for at least 3 months, even protected. And after 3 months, you can have condom sex only if you have no more recurrent infections at all. If you do not have any recurrent infections after 2 years, you can have unprotected sex (with a safe partner of course) if you want.
I really don't see the point in you limiting your entire life over HPV. It really is a common STD, and by limiting the way you have sex from now until 2 years, is already a very applaudable move on your part to prevent the spread of HPV.
Hope this helps.
Realistically, if you do not have a recurrent infection within 3 months, you body has suppressed it. And if you do not have any recurrent infections for 2 years, I would say it is no longer transmittable (for most people).
It really is just the social stigma of STDs and the affect on peoples way of thinking.
You should abstain from sex all together for at least 3 months, even protected. And after 3 months, you can have condom sex only if you have no more recurrent infections at all. If you do not have any recurrent infections after 2 years, you can have unprotected sex (with a safe partner of course) if you want.
I really don't see the point in you limiting your entire life over HPV. It really is a common STD, and by limiting the way you have sex from now until 2 years, is already a very applaudable move on your part to prevent the spread of HPV.
Hope this helps.
You are reading content posted in the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
