Dumped cuz of HPV... =(

[broke123]

I will try to keep this as short as possible.

Was really good friends with a guy for 5 years. In the beginning we dated a little, he loved me but I didn’t want to settle down, was young.  Then our lives went our separate ways. He got married and divorced at some point and I found out I have HPV (high risk type, no warts).  Few months ago we got back in touch and little by little I became more and more convinced of how wonderful he is, how nice and good, thought he was the best man I have ever met, who could do no wrong and would never hurt me. I have always trusted him with my life, that’s how sure I was in him.

So I decided that I want to be with him and took steps to brake out of the friends zone. We made plans to hang out, got drunk… I thought we will just drink a little and I will tell him how I have felt about him and we will see where we will go from there.  But we ended up over drinking and having unprotected sex, and I don’t even remember how it happened. Just happened really fast, before I could think that I need to tell him about HPV.

I have always been honest with guys about it and tell them upfront. I had 3 sex partners since I found out and none of them cared. But I always tried to insist on condoms and warned them about future partners. They didn’t care cuz they wanted to be with me and nothing else mattered.

Anyways, so with my friend – we had sex and next day spent talking about our rel ship, had sex again. Everything was great and the week was great and we were both on cloud 9. Made plans for next weekend but this time I sat him down and told him that I have HPV. Told him everything I knew, that its not the warts type, has no effect on guys (none of my previous partners ever showed any symptoms of anything), it could be carried by him later and that most people get it at some point through life, as it is very common, just not everyone develops symptoms. I know he had unprotected sex before.

At first he was fine with it, showed concern for my health. Next day we spent in each others arms and had sex again. But the following day he tells me that he did some research and its really bad what I have and it DOES affect guys with penile cancer and erectile dysfunction.  He yelled at me thru a txt msg saying that how could I not tell him and put him in danger like that and basically said he doesn’t want to know me anymore. I tried to explain. But he hasn’t replied since (3 days).

I am so upset by this. Never have I thought that something like this would happen. And all the initial feelings of finding out that I have HPV are back. I’m hurt and depressed and feel betrayed.  I want to scream! It’s not fair… I didn’t sleep around to get this, and I don’t deserve to be disrespected like this by an old friend who supposed to care and respect me.

Or was he right to react like he did?  I wasn’t planning to hide this from him. Never. But he said I should have told him while we were friends… Why would I if I didn’t think we will get together? Help… =*(

[broke123]

*UPDATE*

If anyone is curious how this saga ended... me and the guy didn't speak for a few months. but then he decided to come back.... said he has thought all this through and understands that he over reacted and shouldn't have been such a d**k about it. what he read initially was incorrect and he has done further research and now understands that hpv is not as big of a deal as he thought initially. he was very sorry for treating me the way he did etc. i forgave him. and long story short we are together now and we both cant be happier :)

thanks to everyone for the support :))

[Relativity]

This thread is turning into a trial... Let's end it please.

Rainn

[misfit420]

how is he an ***?.  i have hpv too and all i can say is its an extremely scary thing and he reacted the way he thought was necessary.   i understand that he didnt react the way he should have but she still should have let him know.  after all it DOES affect his life as well.  i sit here and read that everyone says that hes not worth it or hes a dick but honestly guys  put yourself in his situation.  he gets back with the girl he "likes" then all of a sudden he has something that can possibly give him penile cancer  cmon.  you cant call him an *** for getting scared about somehting he doesnt fully understand

[bbmd]

it is very rare that the type that gives you cancer effects men. He is an ***.

[broke123]

thank you for your reply.

i cant tell him to read this or that. he wont speak to me... i am pretty sure he will be going to a doctor. im hoping that the doctor will tell him normal up-to-date facts... maybe then he will see the light at the end of the tunnel. there is really nothing i can do help him see things clearly... this whole thing sux. there should be way more HPV awareness in the media. the truth about it. not just the vaccine part...

[alexdelong]

I was referring to penile cancer, which accounts for 0.2% of cancers in North American men, but 10% in some other regions. Clearly HPV infection is not the only factor.

You are right when you say that the vast majority of women with high risk HPV will not develop cervical cancer.

But cervical cancer isn't uncommon in North America. With testing, treatment and new vaccines, hopefully rates will drop.

[Curiousity2Know]

There are tons of websites and articles on the web that were updated in the 90s and that are still up!  He prolly read one of those or he is just an idiot. Tell him to visit CDC or ashastd.org. You really don't need to be with a guy like that. You don't have cancer either. I guarantee u have cleared the virus. Do go get checked up once u get benefits. It takes decades to come to cancer. 97 percent of all woman who have high risk hpv never get cancer. As Alex mentioned the woman who do (3 percent) are of third world countries who have never even had a pap smear until it was too late. Paps are bow recommeneded every 3 years if that justifys anything for u. You are fine! Don't be ashamed you are normal!

[broke123]

i agree. but he doesnt see it this way. its more of like i intentionally put his health at risk and lied to him. if i didnt think it was safe i would have never come within a mile from him, or anyone else for that matter. i have the option to have sex left and right, but i don't want to get involved with anyone just for the sake of good time. its not so simple anymore... i really really want to scream =/

[Julia2010]

Hes probably already had it b4 you.. hes not worth your time if hes going to be mean like that... sure you should have told him b4 hand... but he probably would have said "ok" and had sex with you anyways... like he did after you DID tell him. Its his own fault just as much as it yours for havn unprotected sex , and not keeping himself educated about these things. it takes two people to have sex.. .and be responsible about it.

[broke123]

i had no intentions of hiding this from him. just didnt get a chance to warn him in advance. i guess it wouldnt matter if he knew before, if he knew he would probably tell me that he doesnt want to be with me anyway. i still cant get over the shock...

mayflowers -

i know all the facts and how little risk there actually is to his health. he smokes for petes sake, there are more chances of him getting lung cancer from that then anything from me. just dont know how to make him understand what hpv really is and does. he probably will go to a doctor to make sure hes "clean", doctor will say he is and that there is nothing to worry about. he will be happy, but will still never speak to me... FML... =(((

[mayflowers]

i agree with alexdelong....just want to add that 3 out of 4 people have hpv.  It's very common and most likely this guy already has been exposed.  Especially if he is over 30.

[Chris1356]

While I think it was wrong on your part not to tell him before there was any chance of sexual activity, I don't think you need him in your life. The guy even had sex with you after you told him. Something else is up with him that isn't your fault. Apparently 75% or more are positive for hpv, so he may have it also without any symptoms. Move on and find someone who will accept you for this very common virus.

[broke123]

Thank you for replying.

I havent been tested in 2 years. No insurance :( and couldn't afford the tests as i was living alone... Getting insurance soon. Very worried as is as to what the results will be... i have cancer by now for all i know... and this whole thing just doesn't help...

[alexdelong]

Hi. I post a bit on the HPV forum, so I thought I would share some of my thoughts.

First I would like to point out that HPV is not a lifelong affliction for many people. The vast majority of people who contract HPV will clear the virus within two years. If this diagnosis was in the distant past, and you have been getting good test results, it is likely behind you.

Was he right or wrong?
Well he certainly overreacted. If he is like 75-90% of us, he too has had an HPV infection sometime in his life. The same is true of his future partners. Obviously the research he did was incomplete. (Also I don't think erectile disfunction is caused by HPV and penile cancer is extremely rare among men in industrialized countries-nearly all of whom have had HPV).