Girlfriend had active HPV

Question

Here's the situation:  I started having casual sex with this girl about a month ago.  She said she frequently gets paps and testing and they always show up negative for everything.  So we've had protected and unprotected sex many times since then.  Just recently though, she told me that she was diagnosed with HPV about 3 years ago.  I think it was the high risk type.  But, her tests have been negative for about 2 - 2.5 yrs.  

My first question is since this virus is most likely dormant in her system, is there still a good chance that I will contract it?  It bothers me she didn't tell me BEFORE we started having sex even though I asked her.  I def don't want to give it to future partners so it would be nice to know if I had it or not.  And second, was she not ethically bound to tell me that she had this condition?  I've heard mixed things from people on these forums and it just seems to me it's a no brainer that you should tell your partner if you have any stds.  When she told me that I got really upset and I'm trying to figure out if I was out of line or not.  I'm a really open minded person so maybe I'm just missing something.  Thanks for your help.

DasKapital · Accepted Answer

Most doctors will tell you that you have very little to worry about.  If her pap tests have been negative for 2-2.5 years, that means she has almost definitely "cleared" the virus (meaning it will no longer cause her strange paps, nor is she communicatble).  So, to answer your question as to whether there is a good chance that you will contact it?  From her, probably not.  Although really, it doesn't matter.  If you've had sex before her (and judging from the fact that you got into a relationship involving casual sex, I'd assume you did), there's a VERY good chance you've caught in the past and probably passed it onto others (if you've had sex with more than one person before it cleared your system).  Really, you'll never know whether she gave it to you or not, unless she gave you one of the genital wart causing types (6 or 11), but my understanding is that they don't cause irregular pap smears.

Onto your next question- was she ethically bound to tell you she had HPV three years ago?  That's really a gray area, but many people (including medical professionals I've consulted) will say no.  Because HPV is so prevalent (more than 80% of people get it), it's assumed that after just a few sex partners, you have it already anyway.  Should she have told you?  Maybe.  Was she ethically obligated to tell you?  Probably not.

Also, something to keep in mind for the future in case you ever have to go through it- getting upset at potentially being exposed to any STD (including something as common as HPV that the body clears anyway and you probably already have) is natural, but I hope you didn't talk down on the girl or yell at her. In my opinion, there was nothing to be gained by revealing her past HPV status to you, and she didn't HAVE to do it, she seems to have done it as a courtesy to you... and revealing anything that personal is one of the most awkward and scary situations a person can go through.  Give her some credit.

Anyway, to sum;
You probably don't have anything to worry about from her, but you may have already caught and cleared the virus anyway (not that you'd ever know.)
In my opinion, she wasn't ethically obligated to tell you anything.  In fact, you could have exposed HER to a strain of HPV just as easily as she did to you.  You'd just never know since there's no test for men.

DasKapital · Answer

No problem!  I know there's a lot of conflicting information out there on HPV, and I really think that it would be a much smaller deal if everything about it was just out in the open.  You're right, if you're going to be sexually active, you're GOING to get HPV.  That's just the way it is.  It definitely shouldn't stop you from living a good, healthy, and active lifestyle.  Just wear a condom when you do, be educated, and understand the risks.  HPV really isn't a big deal, but unfortunately, most people won't/don't see it that way, and there's still a stigma attached to it.

I also agree with vandy.  If you were too hard on the girl and you are more educated now, then you should get her some flowers or something.  I don't think she was obligated to say anything, and you should let her know that it's a complete non-issue.  HPV, by itself, shouldn't be a reason not to develop a relationship that you enjoy.  HPV'll find it's way into your relationship one way or another, and then it will go away.

SkaterDave · Answer

Yo, sounds like this is all good and you're up to speed.  I'd also like to add on a personal level that if you were way too hard on her and now you know, hit her up with an apology or something 'cause she could be feeling bad and she shouldn't have to be.  Let her know that she probably doesn't have to talk about it anymore even and feel free to educate her on what you've learned.  Happy New Year

notsure56 · Answer

Thanks, I really appreciate the reply.  I've learned a ton about this virus and have been very surprised about certain things about it.  Mainly it's been relief.  I guess I thought I could go through life without getting anything including this and being sexually active at the same time.  I didn't know that was asking alot.

As far as the girl goes, I think I was WAY to hard on her.  I didn't know enough about this thing and she didn't really explain it very well.  I'll def have to do something about it.  Thanks again for your quick response.

Girlfriend had active HPV

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