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HPV Infection In Men - Mixed Messages and Dating Protocol
Hello Dr.,
I'm a 30 year old male that historically practices safe sex unless in a long-term relationship. I recently ended a year and a half long relationship due to issues not health related. It was disclosed to me shortly after the breakup (two weeks) that during a routine papsmear my ex found out she had a "cancerous strain" of HPV. She's admittedly prone to hyperbole and over exaggeration (a cause of breakup). She recently went in for a biopsy with results coming in several days, the doctor is telling her she has nothing to worry about. She has been blaming me as the source of infection though she had admitted that she had cleared another HPV infection about two years prior to us having met.
Now for my questions:
-Is there any way to tell if I was the source of the infection? Standard STD tests and visual inspection of my genitals do not show anything.
-Am I currently infected?
-How long before as a man I am no longer infected or contagious?
-My ex is telling me I can kiss my love life and dating life goodbye as no one will date me if they are aware of my infection. I read online on 1/2 of blogs that as a Male it doesn't make sense to disclose infection. Is this true? What are your thoughts on disclosure?
I was planning on taking a break from sexual activity for 12-18 months to clear the infection in hopes I could date again without transmitting at that time. Will this do anything? I'd hate for this to happen again.
Thank you for your help. As you can imagine this is a stressful situation compounded by heartache of a recent breakup.
I'm a 30 year old male that historically practices safe sex unless in a long-term relationship. I recently ended a year and a half long relationship due to issues not health related. It was disclosed to me shortly after the breakup (two weeks) that during a routine papsmear my ex found out she had a "cancerous strain" of HPV. She's admittedly prone to hyperbole and over exaggeration (a cause of breakup). She recently went in for a biopsy with results coming in several days, the doctor is telling her she has nothing to worry about. She has been blaming me as the source of infection though she had admitted that she had cleared another HPV infection about two years prior to us having met.
Now for my questions:
-Is there any way to tell if I was the source of the infection? Standard STD tests and visual inspection of my genitals do not show anything.
-Am I currently infected?
-How long before as a man I am no longer infected or contagious?
-My ex is telling me I can kiss my love life and dating life goodbye as no one will date me if they are aware of my infection. I read online on 1/2 of blogs that as a Male it doesn't make sense to disclose infection. Is this true? What are your thoughts on disclosure?
I was planning on taking a break from sexual activity for 12-18 months to clear the infection in hopes I could date again without transmitting at that time. Will this do anything? I'd hate for this to happen again.
Thank you for your help. As you can imagine this is a stressful situation compounded by heartache of a recent breakup.
Answers.
1. No, there is no way to tell who gave it to who. That she had a prior infection proves that she had it before you. There is NO clearance. It goes dormant. That is what clearance means. The virus never leaves the body. She has no proof to say you infected her. And if I was her next potential lover, I would let her know that she has a better chance of infecting me than I have of infecting her.
2. Probably but there is no test for men. Esp the high risk strains that don't produce warts. You should assume you have been exposed to it.
3. No one know the answer to that question. Not even God. Average time to become not infectious is 3-24 months. Even if you did become not infectious, you could become infectious again 10-20 years from now.
4. Do not disclose anything. 8 out of 10 sexually active adults have it. She has been diagnosed with it, twice. You have never been diagnosed. Her love life is in the toilet, not yours. She needs to STFU. She needs a reality check here, not you. Disclosure (you slept with a woman who has been diagnosed with it twice) is optional. Most people do not say anything because nearly everyone has it!
5. Yes, time will reduce the chances of being infectious. After 3-24 months, 90% of infected people are not infectious. No one knows who is in this 90% and no one knows what happens next.
Basically, do not worry about something you cannot test for or resolve medically. Safe sex provides 50% protection.
1. No, there is no way to tell who gave it to who. That she had a prior infection proves that she had it before you. There is NO clearance. It goes dormant. That is what clearance means. The virus never leaves the body. She has no proof to say you infected her. And if I was her next potential lover, I would let her know that she has a better chance of infecting me than I have of infecting her.
2. Probably but there is no test for men. Esp the high risk strains that don't produce warts. You should assume you have been exposed to it.
3. No one know the answer to that question. Not even God. Average time to become not infectious is 3-24 months. Even if you did become not infectious, you could become infectious again 10-20 years from now.
4. Do not disclose anything. 8 out of 10 sexually active adults have it. She has been diagnosed with it, twice. You have never been diagnosed. Her love life is in the toilet, not yours. She needs to STFU. She needs a reality check here, not you. Disclosure (you slept with a woman who has been diagnosed with it twice) is optional. Most people do not say anything because nearly everyone has it!
5. Yes, time will reduce the chances of being infectious. After 3-24 months, 90% of infected people are not infectious. No one knows who is in this 90% and no one knows what happens next.
Basically, do not worry about something you cannot test for or resolve medically. Safe sex provides 50% protection.
You are reading content posted in the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Community
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