How do I tell him?

[ParanoidChick73]

Hi everyone... I found out about a year ago that I have high-risk HPV. I had an abnormal pap, and then an HPV test done. I then had my first colposcopy, and the doctor said there was no cell change. So I continued to have pap smears, and had a normal one. Unfortunately my next one was abnormal again... and I still have HPV. It has only been about a year, and the doctor says it takes sometimes 18 months to kick the virus. And now I'm dating someone I really really like. I had another colposcopy, and she said I look really good and there was still no change. In fact, she said I was 'text book perfect'.  So maybe I was just sick and it reactivated the virus. I've read a lot of different websties about this stinkin virus. I've asked my doctor a lot of questions. What I'm concerned about now, is I really like the new guy I'm dating, and I think we are close to having sex. Some people say don't tell him, just use a condom. My doctors both say he has a very high chance of having it anyway. (He is 39 and single and has had multiple sex partners). But I just can't do it. I feel like I NEED to tell him before we get intimate. But I'm really afraid I am going to scare him away. I wrote this long letter, writing all the facts I know. I don't want to post it here, because its so long. But I was hoping that someone who has been through this could give me some good advice. I mean, even if I have abnormal paps from here on out, doesn't mean I still don't carry the virus. Some doctors think that it never goes away, just is supressed and lies dormant. Others think it does? I'm so confused. Its been a very emotional year... this is the FIRST guy I have really opened up to. We havne't been dating all that long, but he is the first guy I have liked like this in years. I have really accepted the fact that it is so common, and I did nothing wrong.  But how do I tell HIM that.. will he freak out?  Will he get scared and run away?  I think part of my fear is my guilt factor... I don't know.  I just really don't know what to do.

If anyone wants to read the letter, please respond and I'll either post it or email it to you.

What do I do???? Please help

[noTOstoked]

hye, you wanting to know if you should tell him or not, i think you should, im not sure if i have hpv or not, but im sure that i do and the girl who gave it to me.. i wish she woulda told me, i wouldnt have changed the way that i felt about her, i just woulda wanted to use a condom instead cause we both agreed that we were both clean and i knew for 100% that i was and i loved the girl so much so i believe her too and after waiting the threee months too have sex and we did... i got genital warts about a month later and i swear ive like never felt so low in my life and i like cant find what to do, so if you do really like this guy and want him to know, let him know and im sure if hes and nice as he sounds that hell accept it and let it not effect yur relationship :D

[kyhillbilly]

Try not to worry so much. I was stressed out just like you. I was with the same woman for 14 years and learned I had hpv two years after our monogomous relationship started. I am now divorced and seeing someone new. I told her I was exposed to hpv 14 years ago and that I have no health problems, but there was no way of knowing if I still harboured a high risk strain of hpv. Good doctors advice is that any sexually active person likely carries a strain of hpv. So, it is a common thing for most people. If he wants to have sex, then I think you need to tell him that you are currently fighting off a common virus that can cause health problems and that to minimize the risk for transmission, you need to wait until it has been resolved by your body before having intercourse. If he doesn't understand this, then he's probably not very special. Good luck

[kyhillbilly]

Try not to worry so much. I was stressed out just like you. I was with the same woman for 14 years and learned I had hpv two years after our monogomous relationship started. I am now divorced and seeing someone new. I told her I was exposed to hpv 14 years ago and that I have no health problems, but there was no way of knowing if I still harboured a high risk strain of hpv. Good doctors advice is that any sexually active person likely carries a strain of hpv. So, it is a common thing for most people. If he wants to have sex, then I think you need to tell him that you are currently fighting off a common virus that can cause health problems and that to minimize the risk for transmission, you need to wait until it has been resolved by your body before having intercourse. If he doesn't understand this, then he's probably not very special. Good luck

[kyhillbilly]

Try not to worry so much. I was stressed out just like you. I was with the same woman for 14 years and learned I had hpv two years after our monogomous relationship started. I am now divorced and seeing someone new. I told her I was exposed to hpv 14 years ago and that I have no health problems, but there was no way of knowing if I still harboured a high risk strain of hpv. Good doctors advice is that any sexually active person likely carries a strain of hpv. So, it is a common thing for most people. If he wants to have sex, then I think you need to tell him that you are currently fighting off a common virus that can cause health problems and that to minimize the risk for transmission, you need to wait until it has been resolved by your body before having intercourse. If he doesn't understand this, then he's probably not very special. Good luck

[ibizan]

Yes there is a lot of conflicting info out there on HPV.there still doing research on it.U r so worried about telling him about the HPV which u should.....did u consider ASKING him about his sexual history?he probably has HPV if he's had multiple partners and i sure as hell would ask if he's had/has genital herpes..would u like to get that?So many women are so caught up with the guy they don't ask and catch something later and regret it.HPV is pretty unavoidable in this day and age but other things are not.If he really cares about u respects u and wants a relationship with u he'll listen share his history u 2 can take it fom there and please use the condoms!

[tim777]

i think you shuld tell him i meen idk i got it i think lol mabey he dont want it i wish the girl i meet told me i wuld have neaver done it i know thats not what you want to hear but who wants warts not a good thing you shuld tell hem its wrong if you downt