My girlfriend is depressed, sad and irritated after hysterectomy

[jbriz11]

My girlfriend and I are having major issues right now and it all started after her hysterectomy.  Her surgery was 2-3 months ago and she kept her ovaries.  Since then, she has been extremely emotional, over sensitive, sad, depressed, irritated and doesn't really know if she wants anything to do with me.  We currently live together and have been in a relationship for 3 years.  She has explained to me that she is a different person now than she was before the surgery and that she isn't sure what is going on with her.  She doesn't have any sex drive and has no desire to even be around me.  She refuses to go see the doctor or a counselor and I have been trying to be as understanding as possible.  I am having a hard time understanding what she is going through and it is pushing me away.  She is going to move out to see if that will help but I am concerned about her.  She says it isn't just me and that she just prefers to be alone.  She also says that she always feels like just crying.  She has children and claims that it isn't a reaction to not being able have any more.  She also refuses to believe that the emotional change is not due to the hysterectomy.  Is this common and what can I do to get us through this?  How can I get her to see a Doctor?  Do you think depression medication will help her and our relationship?

[Laney8463]

Hi there,
Im sorry you are both going through this. A hysterectomy is a very emotional surgery for many women. It is the finality to the child bearing years. It causes a myriad of emotions and physical symptoms that take along time to go away. Even though she kept her ovaries, she could be in need of hormones. Sometimes the ovaries stop functioning all together due to interruption in their blood supply during the surgery. I experienced alot of the symptoms you are talking about but I had my ovaires out along with my uterus.
I felt so much better once I was put on hormone replacement. I think she needs to have a talk with her gyn or a hormone specialist. There is no reason she should have to suffer like this. I can sympathize with you both. Hormones are wonderful and I don't think I wil ever come off of them....lol
I hope she gets some help
Laney

[jbriz11]

Do you share the same emotional feelings that I described?  I think she is clinically depressed and the hysterectomy is escalating the depression.  I am wondering if the depression is more severe than I thought and it is causing enormous damage to our relationship?  What did you go through in terms of depression and withdrawing from family and friends?

[Cherie762]

those emotions can be long or short lived I had a hyster, and did ok It was when I had a second surgery and got the ovaries out I became irrational i knew it just couldnt control it,,,Been on estrogen now and am back to normal,,,,I think Laney is likely right it really sounds like her ovaries are either not producing hormones or something else is going on with hormones. Some women dont feel like a "real woman: after a hyst, i never had that but many on here have...it sounds like youve been kind and reassuring.

I think she should see her gyn before counseling it may be physical..counseling if its not.

shes lucky to have you..theres been a few women who have posted on here about leaving their man shortley after a hysterectomy they have all regretted it, This is not the time for major decisions..God Bless...

[jbriz11]

Thanks so much for all of your help.  I have been discussing it with her and she has agreed to see her gyn and will also see a Doctor in regards to her emotions.  She is still going to move out because she feels that she is hurting me and doesn't want to continue to do so.  This really hurts because it's like we are taking a step backwards in our relationship.  I can tell she is still sad and she has absolutely no sex drive.  When will that return?  I feel that would make us strong and allow us to get back to where we were before the hyst, but it's tough when she has no desire for sex whatsoever.  My fear is that it will not come back.  What are your thoughts?

[missgrumpy]

I had my sergery a year ago and suffered the same exact symptoms as your girlfriend i am currently taking antidepressant tablets, but still have very bad down days, it has taken its toll on my relationship with my partner we argue alot, due to my insecureties, it has made me have very low self astem..

[jbriz11]

Well, things are seeming to get a little better for her but she is still sad and having mood swings.  We visited her family last weekend for Christmas and she had a pretty bad emotional breakdown, where she felt like she was being looked upon as an outcast in the family.  I know that her family loves her and no one felt the way she thought they did but it's her emotions and depression still getting to her.  She has been trying to be more sexually active with me but it still causes her extreme pain.  She is going to see her OB for the first time tomorrow and is scheduled to visit a therapist for a session on Monday.  She is still planning on moving out in a couple of weeks because she feels that things aren't any better for her than they were 3 weeks ago.  She thinks she is doing this to help us regain our relationship but I think it is just her way of pushing me away since she often feels sad and wants to be alone.  Any suggestions as to get her over this sooner than later would be greatly appreciated.  I love her and don't want her to be sad and depressed anymore.  Thoughts?

[lostsoul2]

I'm going through the exact same problems you are with your g/f.  My wife had a hysterectomy 3 months ago and they left her ovaries.  She hasn't been the same since.  Very depressed, very self-conscious, etc.  Her Dr. prescribed Cymbalta and it helps a lot when she takes it, but she stops when she feels better due to the sexual side effects, then the claws come out and I feel like I'm fighting for my life.  Our kids notice the changes too.  I have experienced all you have explained and still am.  It's like I said good-bye to her when they took her away to surgery.  Her body is back, but my wife never made it.  I feel like I'm single a lot of the time.  I have gotten some good support here from women who have been through it themselves.  If you truly love her then the best thing you can do for her is what's going to be the hardest on you.  You have to be patient and just be there for her.  There are things that you want to say, but it's best not to say them.  I tell my wife I love her all the time, but sometimes it's like the words are falling on deaf ears.  She brings back things I have said or done that hurt her feelings years ago and uses it against me now.  It's really a very hard situation, one that will truly test your love.  Sometimes she just needs to be left alone.  Pushing will only make things worse.  I am screaming inside that I want her back so badly, but time is the only thing we can give them, and sometimes that is the hardest thing to give.  Like I said, patience is all we can really provide.  Your love is being tested.  Just remember, pushing will only make things worse.  Trust me.  If you need to talk message me anytime.  I could use support myself sometimes.  You are not alone.  Hang in there my friend.

[jbriz11]

It seems like you have experienced the exact things I am going through right now and I appreciate the advice.  I have changed a ton over the last couple of months and I am learning to deal with it a little better.  It is still extremely difficult knowing that I can't change her mind or help her heal any sooner.  She did fulfill one of my wishes today by going to the OB.  They prescribed Wellbutrin for her depression and said that most of the physical pain was probably mentally induced.  That doesn't make sense to me being that she didn't experience any of that pain during intercourse before.  She was a little confused as well but said that she can only start on the medication and see how it works.  Does anyone have any insight or thoughts on Wellbutrin?  I did a little research and it seems to be a typical anti-depressant without the sexual side effects including decreased sex drive.  I can tell you that she was pretty emotional last night and cried for about 3 hours on and off.  She said she wasn't sure why she was sad but it wasn't anything I did.  I wish I could persuade her to not move out but that is now inevitable.  I am going to be as patient as possible and hopefully the medication will work.  She is also scheduled to see a therapist Monday.  She is doing things to make herself better and I am proud of her for that.  I just want my girlfriend back!

[Laney8463]

Hi there,
I have a suggestion for you guys. I want you to tell your girlfriend to get a wonderful book I have been reading. It is by Dr Elizabeth Vliet MD and it is called Screaming to be heard. It explains so well about menopause and womens health in general. It talks about all phases of menopuase, premenopause, perimenopause and the finality of menopuase. It has given me great insight into what is going on and why I am feeling like I do. I am on hormone replacement, and I still think your girlfriend needs to have her hormones tested to see where she is at. She is way too young to be suffering like this. She almost sounds like she has a little post traumatic stress disorder from the surgery.
Like I said in a previous comment, it is a huge surgery and is VERY traumatic to many women. Myself included. I am so much better with the right hormone replacement.
I have learned that many docs just want to prescribe antidepressents as a quick fix, when in fact many times it is not the case, she may need hormones. I am so adamant about this because I know exactly how she feels. I did not take any antidepressents, just the hormones. They are so very safe now compared to the ones they used to prescribe.
Sorry to be rambling so very much, but I feel for her. She will get this sorted out. give her some space but be there for her.
Let me know how she is doing.
Take care and God Bless
Laney

[ledvan]

my gf had a hyst. only 3 weeks ago and im goin crazy here. i love her dearly,ive been doing everything i can to help and just feel like she doesnt care that im there anymore.i feel like everytime i tell her i love her or talk about our life together,its like it pisses her off and i feel like im losing her

[christinapride]

Hello, I just read your post and couldn't obviously help but cry. I am 26 years old and just had a total hysterectomy, they did leave me one ovary. I am going through what your wife is going through. I have been fighting non stop with my boyfriend and hate it. I don't want to fight but I get terrible mood swings and am so insecure. I don't know what to do. I don't want to take any drugs or go to therapy. It has only been two weeks since my surgery. Any advice? I don't want to lose him.

[all5boys]

Hello I am a 31 year old female who has been facing these same issues! I had my last son 6-14-2010, (I have 5 boys total), and when I had so many complications with my last delivery it scared me. I had to have several shots to try and keep me from hemmoraging, and then within 5 hours I had to have a DNC, which worked for about 12 days...My husband recently had a stroke 6-24-2010 and as I was visiting him in the ICU I started to hemmorage severely, I was taken down to the ER and ended up having another DNC and still couldnt stop bleeding... I was losing blood as fast as they were puting it in me, within 10 minutes after the second DNC they rushed me back to the OR and gave me a hystorectomy...I have not been the same since, I have tried meds and still feel hopeless even though I was getting a tubal done having the emergency hystorectomy took away me ever having a daughter!

[Cherie762]

this thread is 2 years old

if anyone of you above would like some advice please repost a new thread so that it will be easily noticed by med help members

Cherie

[Meka1982]

Hello my name is Meka. I'm 28yrs old married never been pregnant and recently had to have a hysterectomy due to yrs of problems with my cycle, endometriosis and cycts on my ovaries. I had my initial hysterectomy on Sept 2, 2010. They removed everything except my ovaries. I had to go back on Oct. 15 after numerous hospital visits with pain in my lower abdomin to have my right ovary removed. The Dr. didn't put me on any hormonal meds. I have been very depressed, irritable and more emotional than before the surgery. Once again I'm 28yrs old and dealing with not being able to have children, not feeling attractive due to scarring, worried about my endometriosis coming back or another surgery terrifies me. I cried and screamed so much due to pain before the surgery that my husband couldn't handle it. Now after the surgery its worse. I cry in private and have so much built up that I'm scarried to open up. We have pushed each other away due to our emotions. He doesn't understand the toll that this has taken on me. I feel alone and I started searching the internet to see if these emotions are normal and noticed that there are others with this same feeling. My heart reaches out to the husbands including my own and the boyfriends that feel they lost their significant others. This is something that causes me to not feel whole. The whole aspect of being able to bear children and to have to have that taken away from me at a early age due to something that wasn't in my control hurts emotionally. There is a emptiness that will never be filled it's not like falling and being able to put a bandage on it. This is something that is irreversible and comes with alot of emotion, concern, worries, and insecurities that don't change overnight. The things we may have worried about before and never said anything about intensifies. Feeling alone and not wanted whether you tell us you love us or not. For me it's the aspect that the completion has been taken away and now I feel totally empty and insecure. Everything comes with a question. I thank you for allowing me to express my feelings.
                 Meka

[cash619]

hello, Iam a 31 year old man father of 2 ,,I was single up until about 5 years ago,I met this wonderful beautiful sensetive woman for whom I love with my entire heart.But,she had a hyster exactly 1 year ago and ever since then we have been drifting apart.She says I have done nothing wrong at all but,that she just doesnt feel anything,its like she has no emotions at all towards anything or anybody.I have been trying to "fix" her with love but now she is telling me she wants to break up because she says we should right now because she is tired of hurting me but,she cant change.She has gone to the doctor and had her Testostrone and estrogen checked ,her testostrone was little low and required a shot but,estrogen was ok,So I thought maybe other hormones were out of balance like Noraponephrine or serotonine but she says its not just a simple test so she says no to more test,What do I do?I want to marry her and she says she wanted to marry me also before the change .needed advice please help

[confused1969926]

i have been in a relationship with a woman for six months who has had hysterectomy. the first four months were great i was the most amazing man she has ever known. then suddenly her mood swings started in and she became very mean and irritated all the time. two months have passed and i have walked on pins and needles around her trying to be patient and understanding yet trying to get her to see a doctor. She denies anything being wrong and insists its me. she has held me accountable for every little thing that i do or dont do right. there is simply no pleasing her at all no matter what i do. she was even arrested and charged with domestic against me.now she really has fuel for the fire. I just dont understand what has happenend to her and now our beautiful thing is gone. I have known her for two years and started seeing her six months ago. I fell madly in love with her cause when she is not struggling with this issue she is the most beautiful person in the world. now she is moved out and i am still in love with her and want to be there for her all the way but dont know what to do.  

[Paul47k]

Hi Meka1982,

I just recently went through the same thing, all I was told by so many people that I would feel so much better, but no one said anything about the crying and mood swings, I feel so angry and I don't know why. I had a friend name Meka she was from Canadian we lost contact and I often think about her. That's why I reached out to you I hope you don't mind.

[perlanotte]

Hi there, I'm in the opposite position, where my boyfriend is the one who has had his bladder removed, therefore with bladder coming out, the prostate does too.
Before the op he couldn't get enough of me, of us and our wonderful times together, now I'm lucky if he texts me once a week and he only does so when prompted by me. He says he is lost and confused and that perhaps the best thing for me is to be free of him....but I know what is best for me: HIM....
He has been told that he will have impotence problems but may be lucky later, much later (like in about 2 years) to regain his manhood, IF he's lucky.
He tells me that he has nothing to offer me and that maybe the best thing for me is to be free of him and that maybe he should let me go. But I have told him all I want is him!!! He doesn't seem to understand that I loved him before (our sex life is the best) and I love him just as much now and that I will be there for him to help him in any which way, but he seems to be very depressed and has a hard time even getting up in the mornings and stays alone all day and doesn't want me to go visit him. His op was performed almost 3 months ago and I have probably seen him 5/6 times in all this time because he says he needs to be alone with his thoughts and work himself out. He has asked me to be patient with him.....I am, but it breaks my heart to see him like this and keeping me so distant....

help....

[foedoelo72]

im going through the exact same thing!! how did you deal with it.

[foedoelo72]

need help

[old_before_my_time]

I'm sorry for all you ladies who are suffering the after effects of hysterectomy. I understand how you feel! HRT may help.

[Hoodpatrol]

I had my hystorectomy a year ago. A total. And my depression is only getting worse. Been on antidepressants & hormone replacement the entire time. Think I may be having a nervous breakdown.  I wish I had never had the surgery.  

[old_before_my_time]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time! I totally understand. I also felt like I was having a nervous breakdown and was so depressed I was suicidal. EVERYTHING about me changed...in a bad way!

HRT is very individual and it can take a bit of trial and error to find the best one for you. I don't think HRT can totally make up for the loss of our ovaries but it can make a big difference. Once I got enough estrogen in my system, my depression lifted and my other symptoms improved.

Best of luck finding something that helps! I know what a nightmare it is!