WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS

[lor662]

I would like to ask now opinions about are friends,,family,who also we trusted,,the very people who also knew about are cheating other,,who knew about it and never said a word till it was all said and done,,people close to us who knew and never said a word to us,,are they trustable,,,do they deserve forgiveness,,i mean after all is not family suppose to watch out and protect us of something like this,are friends or at least they were at the time,,how about them,,do you look back now and remember the very people who turned away and quietly whisperd behind your back but could never put your finger on it,,and now you no why,,what position do you feel also about innocent children who no what one parent is doing to the other without there knowledge,,the pain they must feel inside cause they no but are scared to tell the other parent for ovious reasons but there children,,,unlike are adult friends and best friends and of course family,,how do you see them as people now,,,trust and forgive them,,i mean after all they are suppose to care are they not, thanks

[specialmom]

Well, honestly.  She is a sleazeball and yes, I'd be furious with her.  That is unforgivable.  

[lor662]

To add to the whole thing,,she knew about his secret cell phone and would tex him on it also along with her friend the misstress,,she even invited my son over for sleep overs so my husband would have excuses to bring my son and take extra long time and if i called to see if he left,,she would say oh my husbands car broke down and he whent to go help,,when i confronted her she denied the whole thing ,,i told her i checked the secret cell phone records,and bang her number was all over that cell,,every day,,she was also cheating on her husband at the time,,she would call me ask me can you do my hair this weekend,,just to get them together as i stayed with her,,she would always ask me my work scheduele and say oh to bad you work all week,,i was hopeing we would have time to go shopping,,,,this is just one person

[cheshchesh819]

if any of my friends knew and never told me wow i think i would feel more betrayed by them than my partner,my friends are my life,they are really good people,i would want them to have the hundred per cent proof before telling me,but i would want them too tell me and if they never i think it would take away almost all my trust in them

[specialmom]

I agree with Mami.  If your friend "introduced" the woman to your husband and helped things along, fed her info on you . . . well, no.  She should be cut out.  That isn't a friend but a sicko.  Those that actively participated in helping his with the affair aren't friends.  But those who knew but just didn't tell deserve a second chance.  Sorry this happened.  Stinks!

[mami1323]

I think it's unfair to blame those who knew about it and just didn't tell us.  Only because it really isn't their place to say anything.  It really is hard for them because they either feel like if they get involved they could 1. help to destroy a relationship or 2. will get the heat for it and may just lose a friend.  I know that in most cases the wife chose to forgive the husband and cut off the friend who told.  So it's a tricky spot.  However, if the person helped the spouse to have the affair, well then, they would be cut off from my life for good.  That is not a friend.  Not saying anything and helping are two different things.  My fiance's sister knew all about the affair long before I did, she didn't say anything to me but would tell him that he needed to stop.  I couldn't blame her for not telling me.  This is her brother, and although she didn't approve, she really wasn't in the place to say anything.  

[lor662]

Yes some are put in this situation without whanting to be,but also a long time friend of ours a woman who  some of my children were friends of her sons helped in setting him up with the misstress,,and talked with me like nothing,,when i confronted her after all said and done,,she denied  any part ,,to further protect her self,,but my husband told me all about her involvment,,even whent out with her as a couple him and the misstress,,she still never admitted it,, this is just one example,,im a part time hairdresser also,,and dureing the whole affair she repeatedly asked me to do her hair,,and this woman my husband was with was her friend,,some nerve i thought,,so this woman new everything about me through her,,real discusting dont you think

[specialmom]

Well this is really a tricky thing.  I would imagine that what happens a lot is that family or friends know about the affair and don't want to.  They are "caught".  They don't know what to do.  They don't want to hurt you, make you feel foolish, etc.  They may go along with things because they don't know how to handle it.  Not great . . . but a terrible situation your significant other put them in.  

No one who loves their friend or sister or sister in law (or whomever it may be) wants to be the one to tell them that their partner is cheating.  I've seen that in my life as well as many times on the Relationship forum.  People write in not knowing what to do.  Ya know what I tell them . . . to tread lightly.  Because so often the "friend" who snitches gets cut out of both people's life because "shooting the messenger" really does happen.  

Now if they are having double dates and parties without you and the other person is invited . . . that is different.  But don't assume that they were not greatly troubled by this.  They may not have told due to fear of hurting you, your reaction to them, etc.  

Infidelity is humiliating.  I've been there with a boyfriend--------- and many people knew but never told me.  But still the blame for what happened sits squarely on my boyfriend's shoulders.  

Those are just my two cents on the subject.  It hurts.  I hope you are able to find peace soon.