Am I selfish?

[cr2009]

I feel bad, but I cannot even look or hear about babies anymore without feeling that it isn't fair and why should they have a baby and i don't. People at my work just seem to keep getting pregnant too though people at work have been good since I sent an email out saying that I have been through a rough time and if they could not talk about their pregnant partners or new born babies around me...They have been good, though I am starting to hear talk again and it is hard and I cannot expect them not to talk to each other about them.

The worst thing is that my cousin had a baby a couple of weeks after I was due and between the time she conceived and she delivered I had 2  miscarriages.

I was nice though and sent her an e-card to congradulate her and her husband, she knew I miscarried because I spoke to her about it a bit, but I never heard back after she gave birth, but she does post on facebook almost everyday or post more pics of her baby.

Around that time I did post a pic of my last miscarriage because we got an u/s pic of the baby before it died with the names of all the angels (told that can help move forward), so I think maybe she felt I was trying to take away from them or something, but I posted privately so only certain people could see...

I cannot even look at her facebook now because it makes me want to throw up....

Does anyone else feel this way or am I being selfish?



Also my sister in law is a crack head and was a prostitute and has had 3 kids (only one she knows the father) and all were taken away and put in the custody of family so she can still see them, but acts like she doesn't care when she does.

[lil_lady25]

I agree that it is hard after a loss or two. I had a m/c in 2009 and another in 2010. I felt hopeless and was in a very dark place. I thought that I was being punished for something. It still hurts going back to that. Thankfully we continued trying and we were blessed with twin girls Dec 2010. I dont think about the pain that I went through anymore but I do think about my babies that I lost. Even though they are not with me physically, they will always be with me spiritually. I think that you will feel better as time passes, it is true that time heals all. Good luck to you and i'm sorry to hear about your lose.

[Stacker313]

All of your feelings are totally normal.  I had my first m/c almost 3 years ago and then my second last year. It's been hard to get pregnant again and the doctors now think I have PCOS and that may the key to all my issues, but who knows.  Time heals, it just ***** waiting for that time to pass.

Good luck and stay positive!

[snagglepuss1]

No, not selfish at all! Very normal feelings I would say for any woman that wanted a pregnancy that has been lost.
I lost my first baby at 16 weeks, diagnosed with an incurable birth defect, I delivered our baby and went back to work a week later. I was pregnant again 3 months later, but had a d&c at 8 weeks into the pregnancy after a 2nd scan showed no growth and no baby. I was devastated....I went back to work 2 weeks later and women round me were talking about their pregnancies and announcing pregnancies...I felt so jealous, one of my colleagues told me about her friend who'd been pregnant but miscarried...as my work colleague had gone on about it non stop (the pregnancy of her friend) for one second I thought, good I'm glad she miscarried, then felt very guilty for thinking that. My sister in law announced she was pregnant not long after and I cried myself senseless for days...I was pregnant again 6 months after the d&c but had a miscarriage at 6 weeks....I became so desperate after that waiting every month for a positive pregnancy test, it took 6 months before I fell pregnant again and fortunately it stuck that time and I now have 3 kids and expecting my 4th. It does get easier I promise, but I totally understand how you are feeling.

[dez952]

i am 34 with a 3yr old daughter,when i was 16 i m/c twins,that was so hard. i never got pregnant again and when my sister did it hurt so bad,like why her/ she lives w mw,no job or goals. why with me in my carrer i cant/ does god feel i wouldnt be a good mom? and in 2007 i got rmarried and the end of the yr was pregnant but told im going to m/c again,omg it hurt more than ever,i lost all hope at this time then a yr later was pregnant again with olivia,shes the light of my life. i tryd again to have one more as im getting older and nothing.then july 9th i found out i was pregnant.everything lloked good and at 9 weeks said your going to m/c,wow i cryd so hard not forgetting my blessing i do have. im still bleeding and its been 12 days,i still ask that question of why with know answer. all i can say is hang in there it will happen in time. the pain of ur lose will always be there but keep hope and faith you will get ur blessing,and im so so sorry for yur lose.

[trying43]

After my first m/ c I felt like this also.  Seeing all these people who had babies but didn't want them(family members included!)....it made me cry alot!  Then I had my second m/c and it was even worse!  I can tell u it does get better with time even though u will never forget your lost little ones.  I remember my due dates for each and the days I lost mine still and its been nine years.  We were eventually blessed with little ones of our own but it wasn't easy with the constant worry. I am so sorry this happened to you and I know where u r coming from.  Good luck to u.