Heartbroken...again

[Dani711]

Well, I just got back from the emergency room after my spotting picked up today, then got heavy.  They did an exam and found the conception tissue coming out.  He thought it was a blighted ovum.  I just can not believe after all I have been through that this has happened.  I am just so sad and lost

[pat4rod]

I don't even know what to say I sit here and read and all I do is cry cry cry I can't even see the keys so sorry and may God Be With You

[Dani711]

Ha!  I am trying to grow mine out and see what my natural color is again, and am going to find out if I have any grays yet.  I had to quit coloring it because they say not to when you are pregnant, so I tried to first dye it back to my roots, and my hairdresser could not get the color to hold.  Apparently it is easier to go light then back to black. So she tried again, and still no luck so we gave up.  

I will see if I can find some more vitamins for him, he is on a health kick so it won't be hard to tell him to take anything, expecially if it can help the baby.

[bam1014]

Well, as I left on FB, I think for sure you should get him to take Folic Acid.  DH was 32 when he met me (I was 22 - Cradle robber!!)

Ha - DH is not getting gray, but he is losing his hair.  We finally gave it up this year and I just shaved his head.  I was so sick of the comb over.  He never saw it, but goodness that hairline is receding.  It's only when he grows out a full beard, that you truly see his gray.  Me on the other hand, I'm pulling out more gray hairs than I care to admit ;)  Curse the loss of my hairdresser and all her dying miracles!!

[Dani711]

Bam-yeah, he takes a mens one a day.  I tried to get him centrum silver but he didn't seem to see the humor in that LOL!  (he says the only reason he is going gray is becuase of me, but I reminded him that it may have to do with the fact that he was only 32 when I met him)
-I am having a hard time right now with still feeling pregnant.  I am just feeling all the same things and I just want them to go away....I am trying to take this the best way I can, but wish there was just a pill to take to make this m/c happen...

Thanks for the thoughts of vitamins though, I am thinking of trying to get him to take one with Zinc as I hear it is good with their sex drive, and we might have another long road ahead of of (I was buying that V8 fruit juice that was packed with fruits and veggies to help)

[bam1014]

Hang in there Dani, something is bound to happen soon.  I did have a thought . . . is your DH taking any vitamins?  A man's one-a-day has all sorts of good TTC stuff in it and Folic Acid is just as good for a man's sperm as it is a women's eggs.

[Dani711]

I know what you mean.  I am waiting for something to happen to at least know that I am done with this whole horrible process.  I actually m/c when i was 19, and now I am ashamed to say it was a blessing, i was in college, and very inexperienced and trusted my boyfriend at the time...anyway, I remember that m/c and it was very painful and alot of blood.  Now I am back to barley seeing anything, and not feeling anything, the only thing I have had was a tiny dark brown clot...I just wish it was over and could move on, it is hard enough to have the loss, but now to have to "wait and see" is tortue.
Thanks for all your info, it does help as I feel just so uncertain of everything.  Still waiting on the dr. to call me back and see if they need to do an u/s or not.  It may be helpful for next time to know for sure if this was a blighted ovum or not, so god forbid I have a problem next time i can go to an RE and find out what is going on....

[CacyMichelle]

Not to gross you out, but I had this huge clot, and you heard it when it hit the water. I didn't see anything but blood, and then I stuck my hand down there and got it. So I never would've known it was there until I kinda searched for it. Sorry if I grossed you out, I just felt better after seeing it and knowing it had passed.

[Dani711]

Thanks, I was really wondering about what it would look like when it came out.  I just started to have a dark brown clot looking thing come out and DH of course wants to see what each little thing looks like (something about both of us going through and understanding it together) His comment however was it was pretty gross and that he wants gloves to clean the toilet really, really good since he thinks I should stay pretty close to it, and may need to use it alot, that it should be really clean for me.  funny.

I def. ovulate each month (can feel it so bad, which they say is a good thing when trying to conceive) so I feel lucky in that way.  As bad as everything seems right now, I am really thankful that I do O each month and have regular periods...things could always be worse...
I heard the same thing as being more fertile after..but It took so long after last time, I am just not sure I believe it.
I guess we will all have to see what they "next time" brings...and I just really pray that none of you have to go through this again...Good luck on this cycle!!!

[CacyMichelle]

I would think it would be about the same if it is a blighted ovum, because your still waiting for that little sack to pass whether there is something in it or not. I am unsure if mine was that or just a chromosonel (sp?) thing. When I passed it I looked at it, and I thought I saw something in there, but I'll never be to sure :( I have to take pills to make me ovulate, so I hope you are just regular and will get pregnant again quickly! My doctor told me you are more fertile, so I'm wishing that for you!!

[carebear0202]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am. This group of ladies are so supportive and I hope you get through this knowing we are all thinking of you. I was so praying good things for you!! Sending lots of support your way....take care of yourself and take some time to heal. I am so sorry.

[Dani711]

Don't say that about your BFP, we ALL deserve it!
I am just confused about since this is a blighted ovum if I will even have heavy bleeding at all, since there really wasn't a baby forming, if the placenta and stuff will cause bleeding or what?  I am waiting for the dr. to call back and tell me what they think.
You are right about not wanting a D&C if I don't need it.  I just am not positive it was a blighted ovum or a reg pregnancy without the u/s.  I think as early on as I was, no matter what I should pass everthing naturally, it is waiting for the preg symptoms to start to go away that is aggrivating.  I am SO ready to start to ttc again.  It is sad that we all will always be so worried and never have a care-free pregnancy.  Even this last time when i really thought everything was going to be ok, I mean staying on pre-natels and folic acid since April, hardley any caffine all those months, no alcohol...you think doing everything right would give us a chance.  But even after my BFP, I told DH that at least I still have a bund of pre-seed, OPK's and HPT's left...and that is such a sad way to have to go into a pregnancy, but if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to handle this constant heartbreak.
I really do hope and pray for your BFP...we all are ready for some happiness!!

[CacyMichelle]

I started spotting on a Sunday..went in on Monday they said everything was fine, then Wednesday they said my levels hadn't doubled. I didn't miscarry till the next Monday. I never bled that much, just a little bit, and then when I passed the clots. Luckily for me it also wasn't very painful. I think since you've already started the spotting you will probably miscarry naturally like I did and not have to go through the D&C. My doctor said that it is very invasive when our body can normally take care of it naturally. I guess it's just a personal choice. I bled for about a week after the miscarriage, but again it was never heavy bleeding. I hope this helps, and again, I am just so so sorry. I told BAM I don't even want my BFP this month because ya'll deserve it so much more than me :(

[Dani711]

tiger, gmb, cacey and mapes-  Thankyou all.  yes it really is so tough, especially since I am now in limbo of what is happening.  I still have all pregnancy symptoms, but I think they might finally be getting less today.  I think I still might have an u/s done to see if I need a D&C, I am not even sue how my dr was able to diagnose a blighted ovum without having an u/s machine.  So now I just want this to be over so we can start to ttc again.  It is what gets me through these horrible times is knowing I can get pregnant, and although the time before this there was something wrong with my baby, at least I know I can carry one...the question just remains...when is it ever going to be our time for the bad luck to change?
I am still also waiting to bleed, i would really think I should start to bleed out something...?

[mapes10]

There are just no words to express how sad we all feel for you now.  I had a pretty bad week at school last week because we lost a student to suicide.  I can't imagine the loss his parents are feeling, and it just echoes the pain I know you feel.  Don't lose your faith because God will carry you through these times.  For some reason, He has a special time that he wants your baby to be here.  I like to think that God has some amazing plan for my baby, and He wants the baby here at just the right time.  Maybe that's just trying to rationalize it, but He does have plans for us all.  Take care of yourself, and I pray that you and DH will be able to conceive soon.  BIG HUGS, and we all care about you so much!!!

[CacyMichelle]

Dani I am just devestated for you. When I saw the headline I was praying it wasn't you. My principal has had 3, and has 2 healthy children, so never give up hope. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel any better, I'm crying as I type to you, and I just wish you the best. I will be praying for you and your husband. You WILL get through this and be a wonderful mother!

[GMB08]

my mouth just dropped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe this dani....i just dont understand....but then again maybe we arent meant too.........i recoginize your pain honey......and if there is anything that i can do.............you are in my thoughts and prayers.........ahh.....

[Tiger63]

Oh Dani, I can't believe you are going through this.  I wish i was there to give you a big cuddle. I wish i could say or do something to take away your pain. I am so devestated and can't imagine what you're going through having to deal with this again. Armyprincess is right, you are a true inspiration to all women out there. Your courage is admirable. I'm praying you will get pregnant again soon. Please know i'm thinking of you and DH.

[ArmyPrincess819]

Dani you have such an awesome disposition. Really you are an example to all of us. You have completely shown me how strong women really are. I'm so impressed by your strength. Keep your head up Dani you are a great person and you will have your baby in your arms sooner than later. Take it easy in the meantime rest up!!! I'm here always. Take care and big big hugs to you!!!!! Tell your dh he's in my thoughts too!!!!

[steph9803]

Dani...I'm so sorry...I am just sitting here crying...Like the other's have said I wish we could all be with you right now. I have been so busy I wasn't even online today. When I saw the post I was scared to read it...And yes you are an inspiration. I promise I would not be looking at it the way you are right now. I'll say a prayer for you and your family...
*HUGS*
Steph

[Luckejem]

I am so sorry for your loss, but don't loose hope, keep on trying and have faith, you will have your baby

[YogaChick]

Hey Dani-- I'm so very sorry this is happening.  I don't have the words to express how sad I am for you but wanted you to know you're in my thoughts.  

I know you're going through a lot and I don't want to diminish this loss in any way but did want to try and give you some hope for when you're ready to try again... there are a lot of ways to work around some of the genetic issues that could be causing problems: my DH has a kidney issue in his family & my Dr. said they can actually sort out embryos with the problem before they do an IVF transfer... it's amazing stuff so I'm sure if there is an underlying problem there will be ways to work around it & get your next beautiful baby to term & into your arms.

[Dani711]

The dr. said he had delivered over 400 babies, and he was pretty young, so I am guessing he was an OB since he talked about all his patients that he saw from the begining til end...he said out of all those patients, 23 had had m/c's.
He seemed to know what he was talking about, but still wish I could have seen an u/s.

I really don't think i am an inspiration, I think IF any of you ever have to go through this again you would see that as unfair and heartbreaking as it is, we have to keep moving forward.  DH is going to church tonite and I would like to go with him to really test my faith and see how I feel, but without having a clue if i am going to start bleeding (I only ever did bleed like a panty liners worth) so I am afraid it is going to happen at any time now, and church is really not where I want it to happen.  I have comfort it being in my own home...so he is going to go and pray for our family!

Oh, it is now like the brown after AF...I really think If i didn't go last night I would still think i was preg since am still having so much trouble with food...but the bb pain is not like it was at all.

[dnpt]

Try to relax and be optimistic, also see a RE when you feel up to it. I am now 24 weeks pregnant and had loss two little boys one at 20 weeks the other at 25 weeks my obgyn detected that i had a uterine anomaly she sent me to the RE  and after further testing he told me  i had a septate uterus which he operated on and now so far so good. So best of luck to you . I will keep you in my prayers.(((((hugs)))))

[nunu1977]

what kind of dr did you see. was he an ER dr that has experience with pregnancy etc? just curious