Aa
I just need to vent - devistated
So, its a long sob story but I need to vent and this site seems to have a lot of support.
What brings me here is, in Aug, of 2010 I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned but after a couple hrs we were so excited. I was about to start an amazing new job, our son was in great health, things were looking up. The night before I started my new job, I started to spot. Scared me but, I had to put it in the back of my mind and start work. 2 days later, the bleeding got worse so I went to the ER, then had to go again 2 days later to fallow up. They then confirmed I was miscarrying and told me to go homw and let it go naturally. I called my OBGYN they said ok, not another word said.
Then in Oct 2010, I got a pos pg test called my OBGYN so she sent me to get my BHCG done, the level at the time was 224 so she said I was in fact, pregnant. In Dec we went for our first u/s to see the little bean. The u/s tech seemed concerned but wouldn't tell me anything. So, I called my OBGYN and she told me there was no baby it was a bunch of tissue. In other words, the neglected to fallow my levels back down from my first m/s and my body didn't expell everything naturally. They then gave me a D&C the next day. I was told to wait 4-6 months so try, so we did.
Then in May, I fell pregnant again. I was beyond cloud 9. This time, it was planned, we were ready and finally my mood was looking up. I was doing so well on not dwelling on my previoud m/c and trying to make the best of it. Once agin though, I started to spot. So I went to a walk-in clinic, they ordered bloodwork and an u/s. They told me no news was good news. Then that same night the bleeding got heavy, the cramps were horrible. I could feel my body passing clots (sorry tmi) I knew what was happening but I went to the hospital because the pain was worse then anything I've ever felt. Of course, another m/c. And, I never ever heard anything from the walk-in. But, I didn't need a D&C. From there my OBGYN said it was safe to wait 1 cycle then try. So we did and I got pregnant our first try. Since my m/c in May to getting pg in July I startedd goung to councelling for depression. I didn't even want to get out of bed. I had 1 session with her which seemed great but now she won't return my calls.
On Aug 3, 2011 I went to a clinic to get my pregnancy confirmed so I could get a referrel to an OBGYN in a new city. The Dr. There did a BHCG it came back 109 so he sent me again 2 days later (Aug 5) and it was 89. Then, this past wed (Aug 10) I started to spot. Right away, I knew what was going on. Went to the ER yesterday (Aug 12) and they did my BHCG and an u/s - which showed nothing and my BHCG was 9. So obviously ANOTHER miscarriage. They're finally going to investigatE but, I'm so broken. Why can't I have another baby?? I see girls who drink, smoke, do drugs even during their pregnancy's and yet they carry to full term.
Throughout all my m/c's I've also, lost my job, lost my deareat Aunt and my Grandmother to cancer, my parents seperated and I ended up in the hospital with severe depression.
I'm sorry to talk (type) your ears (eyes) off but I just needed ppl to vent to. My fiance has been amazing support thus far. Until recently, he seems distant and torn. I try to talk to him and he changes the subject, he's not as cuddley as normal and he seems withdrawan. I'm so depressed and confused mainly frustreated, I have a perfectly healthy 2 year old. Why can't I have another. Did I do something wrong to not deserve one?
I'm not expecting anyone to reply I just had to get it out there. If you're still reading this, thank you for taking your precious time to hear my storys.
Lots of love,
Amy
What brings me here is, in Aug, of 2010 I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned but after a couple hrs we were so excited. I was about to start an amazing new job, our son was in great health, things were looking up. The night before I started my new job, I started to spot. Scared me but, I had to put it in the back of my mind and start work. 2 days later, the bleeding got worse so I went to the ER, then had to go again 2 days later to fallow up. They then confirmed I was miscarrying and told me to go homw and let it go naturally. I called my OBGYN they said ok, not another word said.
Then in Oct 2010, I got a pos pg test called my OBGYN so she sent me to get my BHCG done, the level at the time was 224 so she said I was in fact, pregnant. In Dec we went for our first u/s to see the little bean. The u/s tech seemed concerned but wouldn't tell me anything. So, I called my OBGYN and she told me there was no baby it was a bunch of tissue. In other words, the neglected to fallow my levels back down from my first m/s and my body didn't expell everything naturally. They then gave me a D&C the next day. I was told to wait 4-6 months so try, so we did.
Then in May, I fell pregnant again. I was beyond cloud 9. This time, it was planned, we were ready and finally my mood was looking up. I was doing so well on not dwelling on my previoud m/c and trying to make the best of it. Once agin though, I started to spot. So I went to a walk-in clinic, they ordered bloodwork and an u/s. They told me no news was good news. Then that same night the bleeding got heavy, the cramps were horrible. I could feel my body passing clots (sorry tmi) I knew what was happening but I went to the hospital because the pain was worse then anything I've ever felt. Of course, another m/c. And, I never ever heard anything from the walk-in. But, I didn't need a D&C. From there my OBGYN said it was safe to wait 1 cycle then try. So we did and I got pregnant our first try. Since my m/c in May to getting pg in July I startedd goung to councelling for depression. I didn't even want to get out of bed. I had 1 session with her which seemed great but now she won't return my calls.
On Aug 3, 2011 I went to a clinic to get my pregnancy confirmed so I could get a referrel to an OBGYN in a new city. The Dr. There did a BHCG it came back 109 so he sent me again 2 days later (Aug 5) and it was 89. Then, this past wed (Aug 10) I started to spot. Right away, I knew what was going on. Went to the ER yesterday (Aug 12) and they did my BHCG and an u/s - which showed nothing and my BHCG was 9. So obviously ANOTHER miscarriage. They're finally going to investigatE but, I'm so broken. Why can't I have another baby?? I see girls who drink, smoke, do drugs even during their pregnancy's and yet they carry to full term.
Throughout all my m/c's I've also, lost my job, lost my deareat Aunt and my Grandmother to cancer, my parents seperated and I ended up in the hospital with severe depression.
I'm sorry to talk (type) your ears (eyes) off but I just needed ppl to vent to. My fiance has been amazing support thus far. Until recently, he seems distant and torn. I try to talk to him and he changes the subject, he's not as cuddley as normal and he seems withdrawan. I'm so depressed and confused mainly frustreated, I have a perfectly healthy 2 year old. Why can't I have another. Did I do something wrong to not deserve one?
I'm not expecting anyone to reply I just had to get it out there. If you're still reading this, thank you for taking your precious time to hear my storys.
Lots of love,
Amy
Good to hear you are getting testing. It may be something that's an easy treatment. With my two m/cs all the found was low progesterone. We supplemented progesterone and I've now had 3 successful pregnancies. (My last involved fertility drugs etc long story but worked out) hopefully you will get answers. Good luck to you and sorry for your loss.
I am sorry to hear about your mc's. I am going through my second one right now. I am scheduled for a D & E on Monday. I am 45 and running out of time to have another child. I have a 2 year old and really wanted to give her a sibling. I wish I knew what was causing the m/c too.
Well, I have a 2 year old so, I doubt its either of those. I haven't been tested for anything.
I am sorry for all the heartache and devestation youve gone thru, I suffered my first mc in march and it broke my heart. Have the doctors test for an incompetent cervix or short cervix, it may be the cause to the mc's
Nothing ever makes it easier, at least not for me, but I hope that your docs can figure out what is up and that it is something that can be fixed. Again good luck hun.
I finally get to go for testing (hopefully within the next few weeks) in a way, I hope there's something wrong so I know why and we can fix it. But, in another sense I hope its nothing major as we can't afford IVF or anything along those lines. I think back now to my first miscarriage and, if it never occured I would have a 2 month old right now and I can say that now would be a horrible time with everything going on. But, it still doesn't make it any easier.
I am so sorry for all of the drama that life has thrown your way. Be patient I totally understand that these words are easier said than followed, but it is the best information I can give you. I have had 6 miscarriages with no reason what so ever, I lucked up and the 7th seems to be going good considering that I am 34 weeks, but take into account that everything happens for a reason, maybe for whatever reason having a baby at those times just wasnt right. That is the only thing that has gotten me through all of my miscarriages. I wish you luck and hope that in time you will finally get your sticky bean.
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