Was this a miscarriage or not?

[confusedguy33]

So, me and my girlfriend broke up a week ago. We had reallly been going through a rough time and even though I tried everything to save the relationship she said that she couldn't be with me anymore. The other night she started texting me and said I didn't know the whole reason why she couldn't be with me. She called me and said that she had a miscarriage and didn't even know she was pregnant until it happened which was a couple of weeks ago. I remembered that about a week after we first had sex she was staying over with me and we she came out of the bathroom she told me we had to go to a store because she was bleeding and needed tampons. This didn't make sense as it wasn't time for her period. She told me that it was probably just her birth control messing up her cycle. I was still worried, though, and did some research and thought it might be implantation bleeding. She assured me that she had talked to a couple of people taking the same birth control she was on and what had happened was normal. After that, she showed no signs of pregnancy and we didn't mention it anymore. The week before finals she started having a lot of abdominal pain. She told me the other night that along with the pain, she was bleeding excessively. She never went to a doctor, but after doing research concluded that she had miscarried. This about a month after we first had sex. I've asked her to go see a doctor so she can make sure what happened and make sure there are no other complications, but she said that she would only go if she had any more problems. I can't force her to go. She also mentioned that she had ovarian cysts. While I'm not ruling out a miscarriage I just think that from what i've read about ovarian cysts and complications from taking birth control, that she needs to see a doctor to get confirmation of what happened instead of doing it on her own. I just want closure on this, so we can both know what really happened.

[confusedguy33]

I know she was taking birth control, I saw her take it. I even asked if she was taking her birth control when we first had sex, after that I used a condom every other time. I have encouraged her as much as I can to see a doctor, I know she isn't on her family's insurance right now(she wasn't taking enough hours in college) and that's why I told her to at least go to a free clinic. I just don't see why she doesn't want to get a confirmation of what happened instead of assuming the worst. Thanks for all of your encouragement, this has been a lot for a 20 year old to deal with. I just want to make sure I do everything possible for both me and her to move on.

[nunu1977]

I cant say you will ever know if she miscarried unless she went to a dr. its really not something that she can diagnose herself unless you know she was pregnant and she had done a home pregnancy test that came out as positive.
she could get pregnant on birth control if she took antibiotics. Are you sure she is taking her birth control pills?
if she is random with taking her birth control then she could have messed up random periods. also cysts will cause a lot of abdominal pain.

[EricaB28]

It sounds like you've done all you can. Congrats on being there for your ex. You handled things very well. I wish you all the best in the future. :)

[confusedguy33]

thanks for all the advice, I just encouraged her to at least go to a free clinic(she doesn't have insurance right now and won't until mid-january). I got the same response earlier that if she had more problems that she would go see a doctor. I think i've done all I can, I'm going to do my best to move on and hopefully she will as well. What I can say, is that for sure, I will never have sex without a condom again. It has caused way too much pain.

[EricaB28]

I too am sorry for what you're going through. I completely agree with Army Princess, you can get preg. on birth control. I have had cysts that have ruptured before and it does cause intense pain, but no bleeding. I also agree that your ex needs to see a Dr. to figure out what's going on. I know you can't force her to go to the Dr. but please try to encourage it. Has her pain/bleeding stopped? If not, she might be having an ectopic pregnancy, in which case she would require immediate medical attention. I wish you all the best and hope that you get some resolution to this situation. Good luck :)

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Okay I have had 6 m/cs all natural. I was on b/c when I had my first m/c I was pg with twins. So it is possible to become pg on b/c. I also one of my m/cs the month I got pg  I got my period and then bleed again during implantation which was light and only last a few days if that. I have had ovarian surgery for a cyst bursting etc. It's possible to have your cycle irregular due to cysts but it wouldn't casue excessive bleeding like that. If she did have a m/c and has had heavy bleeding if her body does not expell all of the pg she may need a d and c so she won't get an infection. They may be able to confirm a pg with a pathology report or may not. When I had my m/c in sept they took tissue and it came back inconclusive but my hcg went down so that is how they confirmed it. You are right about not being able to force her to go get checked out but she should know how very important it is to follow up. A miscarriage is not something to take lightly. I hope for your sake you find the closure you are seeking. Let me know if there is anything else you need to know! Take care and best wishes to you and your ex.


AP