mad at everyone

[annaleesmom]

I had a miscarriage this week.....

I am feeling so horrible.  I cry all night.  

People who know what happened ask me, "whats wrong?" what do you think is wrong????!!!

I am being told that there will be other chances.  next time.  

I don't want next time!  I wanted this time.  This is not ok.  I am not ok with this.

I don't understand people!!!!!  When someone loses a pet, you don't say "go out and get another one."
why are people telling me to just try for another baby????  I am not ok with all of this.  

Is this normal to think???  People act like I should be ok.  Like things will get better.  well, B.S!!!!!

[LilTq]

I know it is extremely hard. I was and still am very mad at everyone. My mother did check on me, but she was the only one my twin sister was too busy to talk and i needed her.. you arent being unreasonable, but your family cant possibly understand without going through it themselves. It does hurt when you get shut out by your family when you need them most. They SHOULD be there for you even if you just need to vent and maybe feel alittle better. If you ever need to talk im always around I get on here frequently cuz it helps. But i believe what your feeling is completely ok. You can vent on me as much as you want it does help. Best wishes!

[annaleesmom]

On monday Oct  28th I went to my doctor for my bleeding.  He said I was going to miscarry.  I was 13 weeks along.  That same day I called my mom and told her the news.  She was sad for me.  I hadn't heard from any of my family the next couple of days.   I was in terrible pain on tues and wednesday. Thursday I called my mom because I was feeling really down.  I had thought she would have called me by then to see how I was doing....  When we were talking she asked me how I was.  I told her I was NOT  doing ok.  She was not listening.  She was busy talking to my dad in the background.  This went on for a few minutes...  Her not listening to anything I was saying, then mom saying things like, "the next one will be better."  She then continued to talk to people in the background.  After a while she said that she would call me another time.  I hung up the phone.  
    Now today Oct 6th I call HER from my work.  We chit chat a bit and then I tell her I was upset because noone called to see how I was.  She proceded to get angry at me telling me that I just mad at everyone else and taking it out on her.  She was claiming to have talked to me earlier in the week.  I reminded her that I called HER and she did not have time for me.  I told her I was upset because it had been so long and she never checked on me.  She the asked me If I lost the baby.  I said yeah, a WEEK ago!!!  Not that she would know....  All this happening while I'm sitting at my desk in the middle of work.  
    Am I being unreasonable here????  Am I nuts to think this is completely crazy???  Of all people I thought a mother should understand.  am I over reacting.  I feel so abandoned.  My own family avoids me like my sorrow is something they can catch, like a disease.

[broken_hearted_angel]

im sorry for your loss .. i just had a d&c on the 6 th of august ..i know the feeling alot of ppl did it too me and even my boyfrinend would ask me if im okay ... like some ppl just dont get it .. and everyone was alway asking me if i was going too try for another and i can just try again .. but like u said u didnt wanna try again u wanted  ur baby (the one you were carrying) .. same thing with me .. and just cause 2 months went by doesnt mean i wanna think about having another baby ... i still cry a little here and there it doesnt bug me as much but its still there it well always be there and it dosent matter what ppl say .. hang in there!!!

[hope4lilbaby]

First, I want to say...sorry for your loss.  My Dr. announced my pregnancy not going anywhere 4 weeks ago and I had a D&C 3 weeks ago.  Your boyfriend probably can't relate since he wasn't carrying the baby/fetus/fetal pole.  It's not his body, so he didn't develop a close relationship with the baby/fetus/fetal pole.  Some guys don't get that it's a baby until they actually hold it in their arms.   Regarding your relatives/family....maybe they haven't asked you about it since they don't know what to say.  I know this might be hard to believe, but you will feel a lot better.  It's been 3 weeks and 5 days since my D&C and I don't cry every day anymore.  I still have bad days, but I think it'll always be there.  Hang in there....  

[annaleesmom]

so my boyfriend asked me again on friday what was wrong.  I kind of went crazy on him.  I feel horrible.  I briefly had feelings of hate towards him.  How could he not understand?  how could he not feel the same way I do?  I know he is an extremly wonderful man, but....  I guess I just don't know.  I love him so much, but why doesn't he get it???  I have been asking my boyfriend about what kind of birth control he thinks I should be on.  I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of him as to whether he wants to try to have a baby.. I suddenly want one so bad, but I want him to want one too.  I feel so empty.
    I still haven't heard from ANY of my family since I told them I lost the baby.  It hurts that they don't call to see how I am.  I am miserable.  
    I  have been crying.  A lot.  especially at night.  I feel so alone.  I really wanted this baby.  Now everywhere I go and everything I do, I keep thinking that I should be pregnant right now.  
    Thanks for listening...  whoever is out there.

[flippert]

I'm so sorry for you loss. I know exactly how you feel. I had a mc almost 6 months ago. I had to have a D&C. My hormones were all over the place, one minute all I wanted to do was curl up in the corner and cry the next I was fine. Everyone kept saying to me, you'll conceive again soon, or you're still young! That doesn't help when all you want is to be pregnant. No one seems to understand unless they have been there themselves! I have found it has got easier with time. One thing that has helped me is that I bought a new charm for my bracelet so that I will always remember 'Button' (I was 13 wks when I found out I'd m/cd hence why I'd given it a name as I thought all was ok). I only got the charm about a month ago as that was when I felt strong enough. Remeber it is ok to feel like you are now. Take care.

[loopyju]

I also had a miscarriage this week and I feel exactly the same way as you.  I cry most of the night too.  The nights are sooo long.  My husband is now being supportive after a blow out with him, but the rest of my family dont understand.  Because I've got two children already they tell me how lucky I am and it obviously wasnt meant to be.  I miss my baby and am hurting really bad.  This forum has really helped me.  At least you can be honest on here and everyone else has been through similar experiences too.  You are not alone.  Take care of yourself.

[Victoria01]

You're right. Some people just don't, and will never understand. Unless you have gone through it you cannot understand the loss and emptiness that is felt, not to mention the guilt and anger. This was YOUR baby. You have every right to feel angry. Just know that in time, you will feel better. It will never go away completely, but it does get easier.

[kellie2003]

i know it might hurt. i already had two Mc and wish it happen the first time but it didn't and hope for it again the second time but it still didn't. I know how you feel. i know you don't want to hear you can try again or anything but honestly have you think of "Maybe it wasn't meant to be" that's why it didn't happen.

It's okay you feel the way you do. But after couple months or even weeks your feel better and what to try again. God has it reasons for everything. I even thought why did he sent me something so precious and take it away. But he has his reason for everything. And maybe it wasn't meant to be and maybe the next one will be yours for sure.

[usuk]

i know how you feel. until i had a MC, i thought if a woman had a MC in the first few weeks, it was prob not anything she could have attached to emotionally yet. well i learned my lesson the hard way. after 3 MCs i think people have no idea what to say and also try and change the subject. but i am not a mom, and maybe being a mom you already know what a beautiful thing you just lost and so it may take more time. is your DH handling it well? take care.  

[Mina210]

I know how hard it is, I feel exactly what you feel honey.  My family hasnt been very sympathetic or supportive but thank God I have one of the best husbands any woman could ask for.  When I get really down I have to remind myself, if you were to wish one thing for your child what would be? That they go straight to heaven. I am a Muslim and Islam says any woman who has suffered the pain of a miscarriage, surely on the Day of Judgement that baby will bring her to heaven.  I know nothing helps to ease the pain. we just have to go through it. Take as much time as you need to grieve, Its sad yes but please dont be angry, anger hinders the healing process. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace be with you.

[leon0409]

I understand, it's really hard to talk to the people close to you. I did the opposite I did not want to talk about it because it was too painful, but luckily my husband is very supportive, he just holds me when I cry and as time goes by I feel more comfortable talking about it or writing about it, healing comes with time. Sometimes that's all you need. Websites like this help and joining online communities or support groups. It's good to talk about it with people that have gone through the same thing you are going through, others just don’t understand or simply don’t know how to help you. People close to you may not see it as a big deal but you and I and all the women that have experience miscarriage know that it is. We lost someone, even though we only lived with them for a short time. We had a lot of dreams and hopes for that little person and that is something one cannot forget. I suggest you join a support group, just look on line or at your local hospital, or church even; they will have lots of resources. Keep the faith ok
Hopeful K

[annaleesmom]

it is just that my friends and family act like I should be fine with all this.

i am not ok.  I call my family.  they do not call me.  My mother asks how I am doing.  I say i am NOT ok.  
She says thats good to hear.  nobody is listening to me!!!  

[leon0409]

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I completely understand what you are feeling. I had one myself about 4 months ago and it still hurts and I still question it every day. It is normal to be mad at the world I sure was and I blamed myself. I can only say that it will take time to heal and it's ok to have all kinds of feeling but try not to be negative, there is no explanation for what happened and no one can tell you why or give you a response that will make you feel any better, just know that you are not alone. It happens to a lot of women and when it happens to you it feels so surreal, I still feel that way but everyday it gets better as long as you have hope and never forget. Sometime you have to go through really bad experiences to appreciate the good I guess. Best of luck to you
Hopeful K