I was lucky? Ya right...

[Gracie0717]

Another ramble of the day. A fren who knew about my m/c yesterday asked me today whether I conceived right after stopping my birth control pill. Which is yes. I stopped the pill on early Feb and got preggo mid March. The next thing she says is 'wow, that's lucky!!'

Straight away I do not know how to react. Lucky? Losing my child at 10 weeks? Anyway, I just answer, pretending to be ok with everything "haha, not so lucky in other sense, I guess." to which she says 'you silly, no worries, keep it up."

I know she din mean anything by it coz she is just excited as her hubby and her is ttc and nervous about needing to try for long. But the word lucky still stings. Maybe she was right, I guess I am just being silly. Sigh. I do not know anymore.

Sorry..was rambling again.

Grace

[Gracie0717]

Hi rccresswell and Jhanee.

You guys are absolutely right. Sometimes I really wish they will say nothing at all than trying to comfort me. The most common comment I received is 'don worry about this baby, you will have more in the future. You are still so young (I am 26 this yr). They can't understand the pain of losing a baby growing inside us and they can't understand the fear of the next pregnancy or possible m/c. They do not understand how heartbreaking it is to have something so precious taken away from inside you.

Whenever ppl said this to me, I will just nod and smile because I know they will nv understand and I quit trying to make them understand. I am still in grieving period (had m/c on 21/5/2010) and sometimes I will still break down and cry. However, I can't let anyone see that. For example, when my mum saw me cry, she advised me not to cry as crying produces negative energy. She din realize I need to grieve to be able to heal.

It is amazing how all the ladies here shares the same feelings and thoughts as I do. I feel I can share my thoughts freely and easily and everyone will understand how I feel without having me explaining it. I am really glad to have found this forum.

Thank you for listening.

Cheers,
Grace

[Jhanee]

Sorry for your loss. You have a right to feel how you feel. People do not always know what say and often say the wrong thing. It is best they say nothing at all or a least think about the effect of what they are saying before they say it. I have heard some things that have ticked me off. The more time passes people are saying things to me that are very rude. I did not ask their advice. What matter is you and what you think. Also I am learning to tell people rith then and there that I am still sensitive and their comment hurt. Peoples comments is why I found this place. The ladies are great and always give sound advice. :)

[rccresswell]

Lol I think some people just say stupid things.  I hate the "I had a friend that miscarried at 5 months so you're lucky you didn't carry that long" I just nodded and smiled.  I think miscarrying at 14 weeks and delivering a baby boy is just as heartbreaking as miscarrying at 6 weeks or even further.  I have realised friends that haven't experienced a miscarriage think that it is nothing but they don't understand that when you fall pregnant you develop a bond with your baby.

It pees me off sometimes.