suspicious miscarriage

[neny23]

I am 34 and 7 years married i am not religious at all so here is my story.. Not long ago i found out i was pregnant  i was very happy and scare at the same time because my husband didn't wanted to have kids (i do) since i told him i was pregnant every day he will be giving me lessons why we shouldn't have the baby he never told me directly to have an abortion but he was trying to convince me to do it which i didn't was going to do it was a very stressful situation hearing him everyday with his lessons, last week, we decided to buy food to eat at home and he brought some  mexican food with horchata i was drinking it everything was fine we went to bed and i was having cramps around 6 in the morning i started to bleed we went to ER and the doctor said it was a  high risk of having a miscarriage (something like that) but the baby was fine we came home i was all scared and during the whole week o heard my husband lessons but this time he had an excuse saying that if that happened to me is because the baby was coming with a defect the whole week every day i heard the same thing and he was trying to show me pictures of deformed babies which i didn't wanted to see yesterday in the morning he went to the market and brought me some natural juice i asked him to bring me since they make them fresh when he came back and gave it to me he told me try it ... aren't u going to try it? But with a very suspicious tone and as a joke i asked him what did you put to it that you keep insisting to drink it? And he got bother and drank a little bit so i drank it (not all) and after few hours i started to feel some cramps i was going to go with my friends out and he decided to go with me which was so weird of him to do it we all came home and my cramping was getting worst and worst but i didn't wanted them to know so when they left we immediately went to ER with a severe cramps or contractions long story short i lost the baby... they said is normal but idk if my husband had something to do worth it ir not i don't know what to think maybe it was just a coincidence but i am freaked out

[Dandelion2t]

Hi if you really want a child you should find a loving responsible partner who would also want a child...any person that would cause a miscarriage using drugs without your consent...most likely has a narcissistic personality disorder ,etc. You need ti be weary to ever try to ever have a child with person... Men have committed murder to women where there was an unwelcome pregnancy.

[AnnieBrooke]

I had no intention, by the way, to indicate you should ignore it if you find that there is a substance in your blood that would cause the loss of a pregnancy.  In some places, that is murder or manslaughter (depending on what the country thinks of the legal status of an embryo).  If you were to go to the doc and get some proof, you could definitely charge him with a crime (on your way to divorce court).  When I said it is more than likely between him and God, I was only talking about the difficulty of getting evidence.  (And, incidentally, if I found he had done this, I would not throw it in his face, I would think a man who could do this would be capable of anything and would be afraid and would get out of there.)  Please don't think I'm saying "oh well, maybe he did and maybe he didn't."  If he did, it is definitely a crime.

[ribaby15]

I agree with Annie - unless both parties are on board (purposely TTC or surprised by it), it's not going to work. Happy wife happy life isn't always the case. Your husband deserves to be happy too. And if he just "goes along with it" and you have a child together and it doesn't work. He's stuck (essentially) in that childs life for good. OR he may just decide to not bbe a part of it's life, etc.
I'm sorry for your loss and completely undernd your feelings as I, too, have had 2 early miscarriages and one at 16wks a little over 3mos ago. And while he IS right about the birth defects (normally an early miscarriage is because something is wrong with the baby, and your body knows it and decides to "rid" you of the baby), he is going about everything all wrong.
I would sit him down and talk to him about it, if you want children, and he doesn't - then you might need to rethink your marriage. People change, I'll give you that. Before I got pregnant with my daughter, I didn't want kids at all. And after her, I said I didn't want any either - but h time I got pregnant, I fell in love and just felt like it was right.

[AnnieBrooke]

I could see why you feel freaked out.  You could test the situation by talking about how sad you are about the miscarriage and how much you want to try again right away.  If he is sympathetic, good.  If he acts freaked out, not so good.  

Whether or not he gave you something is on his conscience and between him and God, I think, unless you find a bottle of medication somewhere.  If this was really recent, you might go to your doctor for a "checkup," and while there tell the doctor what happened and ask to get a blood draw to test you for methotrexate or any other drug that might cause a miscarriage.

But whether you take it that far or not, as a practical matter, if he SERIOUSLY doesn't want children, you might re-think being married to this man, because it really does take both parents to be committed to successfully raise a baby, if the man in the partnership is angry about it you will have a very, very hard time.  It is even easier to be a single mother than to deal with a baby AND a resentful husband the whole time.