I think I finally understand what a "remission" actually is>

[maxthecat43]

I finally feel a sense of hope with regard to this disease.  

Until April 2010, all of my relapses resolved completely.  That was the year that I lost a lot of my left arm's strength and coordination.  It flops, and jerks (you should have seem me trying to hold a the small plastic cups w/ ice, that the airlines give you- I kept throwing ice and diet cola everywhere-now my husband finally "gets it" LOL!  It made the flight interesting...).  Then in June 2011, when my entire left side became involved- I lost my ability to lift my left leg, and my left foot dropped/dragged too.  I thought it was improving in January- but I also had a sinus infection (and two rounds of antibiotics).  About a week ago, I realized I could lift my leg.  I was cautiously excited- but waited to share it until I was sure.  So now, I am confident that this particular relapse is over, and at least some healing has taken place.  It still drags when I am hot/sick-etc, but it returns to normal shortly after the irritation is removed.

I am so relieved!  I know there are probably future probably holds more attacks.  They will either resolve or they won't, and it's ok.  We have to take care of ourselves, and sometimes we will need help...  But it's ok.  My doctor thinks I am already in the progressive phase of this disease, but I am still experiencing remission too  I still have CRPS in my right foot, and I still have all the parastesias-etc, but it's ok.  I feel more like "me" than I have in quite some time.

I hope no one takes offense to my feelings.  My only intention is to share...  
<3 Tammy

[maxthecat43]

I forgot to finish my comment.  Oops!

Hugs,
Tammy

[maxthecat43]

Hi Alex.

I'm sorry you had a tough day.  I know what you mean about the tears though.  It's almost like they are just under the surface-even when we don't know it.  You were struggling, and the kindness of your workmates was touching.

I was only diagnosed last summer. The history comes from memories over the past twelve years.  I had one every year to two years, but they were mild enough that my primary care doctor and I didn't recognize what they were.  I remember one in 2007, when I could barely get up the stairs to my apartment because my legs felt like they were tied down; and I felt like I was being squeezed from the lower ribs downward.  (This is probably where my "hug" started.)  I did mention it to my doctor- but because I am overweight, she just assumed I wasn't getting enough exercise.  I thought it was odd, because I never used to have any trouble getting around.  Although I was overweight, I was pretty active.  I just shrugged her interpretation off.  Several weeks later-- it took a while, and the I was completely fine again.  When I noticed I was feeling better, I just thought I must have been imagining things...  This was the general routine for me:  I'm fine.  I'm having weird issues for a while.  Then I'm fine again.  I didn't know there was a neurological connection, and I was too busy to look into it.  

I didn't really take notice of it until the relapses became more obvious.   Progression for me I guess is indicated by my always weak arm.  I'm guessing about this though.  It's a good question though.  I will ask my neurologist at my next appt.  

[tingletingle]

Love the sentiment Tammy,

Indeed MS is not the end, it is just the beginning and I do believe that beauty and goodness will eventually flow.

MS adds a new amazing dimension to our lives. No denying yes there is misery and some difficult days ( I came back to work today after having two days off and still limping worse than ever. My work colleagues came up to support me and I just burst into tears.) But the magic moments are all around and far outweigh the bad I think.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your journey. I am really interested in your progression and the length of time to resolve between relapses. I am pleased that you are in a good place and hopeful. Yah, go Tammy!!

Blessings
Alex

[maxthecat43]

I also still have the residual weakness of my left arm, and a few other things I would rather not mention- too personal.  But in general, I am pleased and hopeful.  

MS is NOT the end.  

Hugs,
Tammy