Racing thoughts of existence

[christdied4me123]

For a pretty long time now I have had these weird thoughts about what life is? Now i know that may sound normal and it can be very normal but I begin to obsess about why is civilization the way it is. What are we as human beings I know God created us but we are just such weird creatures walking around. And then I think of why we even do what we do, for instance why do we go shopping i know to have clothes and stuff but what is the purpose. I am 20 years old and have a past in drug use. But became a christian 3 years ago and gave all of that up. Now I cant seem to get away from these weird obsessive thoughts. I am on effexor i dont know if this is helping me or hurting me i honestly just want to be normal and not have so many racing thoughts, but am not really for taking drugs like xanax or valoum. P.S. I also still see tracers (which is basically flares of light caused by looking at light then moving) is this common?

[ILADVOCATE]

  I can't say where the tracers come from. It depends what drugs you took in the past were and how much as some can cause long term brain damage. Speak to a neurologist if this continues. Its not abnormal to question the meaning of life and if Christianity is the path you've chosen that's fine. We all see life in our own ways and question its overall meaning at times. Its the fact that you are obsessing about it that's the problem. Let's take two issues. "Racing thoughts". That sounds like bipolar more than depression and in that case an anti-depressent will only worsen the mania. Speak to your psychiatrist about the idea you could have bipolar and they would if you were diagnosed change you to a mood stabilizer (for more information on mood stabilizers and mood disorders in general google "Depression Central"). But ask yourself is there more? "Feelings of unreality" are a common sign of psychosis. I have recovered from schizoaffective disorder with glycine a glutamate antagonist a new form of antipsychotic in Phase II FDA study that promotes a fuller recovery and has a more favorable side effect profile.
  But before recovery I always questioned myself what happenned after I died, to the earth, to the universe, who I was as a person, what I meant, etc. obsessively. That's very common in schizophrenia and schizoaffective is schizophrenia with a mood disorder (if the psychotic thoughts occur only during mood changes its bipolar with psychotic features). Of course I can't give you a diagnosis but I strongly believe depression or ocd is the wrong one and you need to speak to your psychiatrist about exactly what's going on so they can give you the right medication for the right diagnosis.

[DumbHick]

What type of "recreational" drugs were you doing?

[christdied4me123]

I messed with a lot of Pot mainly, however, began messing around with LSD once, Mushrooms ocassionally, and Esctasy 4 times. While on these drugs I was prescribed to Zoloft so i dont know necessarily if that affected me in anyway. I notice that these thoughts dont remain as much when I am active. Doing school work etc.. But I tend to have these thoughts while at home and doing nothing.. Its very weird. I really hope I dont have schizonphrenia that makes me sound like i am totally out there.

[ILADVOCATE]

Zoloft is an anti-depressent. Please don't confuse it with recreational drugs. Schizophrenia sounds scary but it isn't. As a person who has made a full recovery from schizoaffective disorder with glycine, a glutamate antagonist, a new form of antipsychotic in Phase II FDA study that has a full recovery rate as well as a more favorable long term side profile I can testify to that and have publicly (my study will be published in a psychiatric journal, for the general study google "Dr. Javitt, glycine). You need mental health treatment and that does include medication. Illegal drugs don't cause schizophrenia but some can hasten its onset and some do cause long term psychosis (which is not schizophrenia which is a specific condition) though I'm not sure about the ones you took. That might apply only to something stronger like meth or crack. Either way what you took wasn't good for you and chances are you were self medicating for a psychiatric disability and probably one other than depression considering what's going on. Don't confuse medication with illegal drugs. Medication is there to help you recover along with talk therapy. Go to a psychiatrist and explain everything that's going on. Then post here again after you see what they reccomended.

[jesslea]

how long have you been on the effexor for?

[christdied4me123]

Since last march

[ILADVOCATE]

Well I would ask about bipolar as it seems you are describing mania and as I said anti-depressents (even if Effexor is treating ocd, its primarily an anti-depressent) can often worsen mania in someone with bipolar and mood stabilizers are at that time what is needed. Also describe the obsessions more clearly. If your psychiatrist thinks they are psychotic and that you have bipolar with psychotic features they might add an antipsychotic. But it all depends on everything else that's going on in your life and you might not feel comfortable discussing it here but you should discuss it in detail with your psychiatrist.

[cary500]

I have the same thoughts as you. I always think about what is life? Why do we go shopping and why do we have to eat, why this why that.. why is life the way it is and who are we as humans? All this scares me. Why do I think this way? Can these be some sort of anxiety?

[ILADVOCATE]

It depends on how much it occupies your time and whether its an obsession. Everyone has those thoughts at times. Some people ascribe religious meaning to life. Some philosophy. Some people don't think about these things much at all. Its all part of the normal spectrum of beliefs. Its when the thoughts are obsessive or appear to come from outside of you that its of concern and that applies to any form of thinking on any issue.

[cary500]

Well my thoughts are to a point that it's controlling my life. I suffer from alot of anxiety because of it. I don't know why but it is most severe at night. I keep myself from going out because I'm scared to have all these thoughts and that the people I'm with might think I'm crazy when I go into an anxiety attack. I have alot of mood changes during the day too, like this morning I felt like **** and my heart was racing for no reason and like one minute later I was dancing and laughing and feeling fine. I'm going to see a psychiatrice soon though because I've been feeling this way for a few  years now.

[jesslea]

if you have been on the effexor since last march and you still don't feel right i suggest you ask your doctor to try you on something else coz when i went on them they kicked in after 8 week and i felt great x good luck

[christdied4me123]

I'm confused though what these thoughts have to do with Bi Polar disorder. I can def. see some time of generalized anxiety to maybe even some type of disreality disorder but Bipolar doesnt make since im not having mood swings

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes that's true if a person has racing thoughts only during panic attacks that is anxiety disorder. A person with bipolar disorder has racing thoughts when they are manic. I don't know if the thoughts you describe are obsessive or if they are psychotic. They do sound a bit beyond anxiety disorder. It depends whether they are just disturbing thoughts or they seem real at the time or in general. It complex and depends on your level of reality testing in general. I would speak to your psychiatrist about it and detail the thoughts as they are and when they happen and see if it is another diagnosis or just part of the anxiety disorder and how they could adjust treatment for it. Your psychiatrist could give you a more exact answer but its good to explain and be detailed.

[ILADVOCATE]

Anxiety disorder is a psychiatric disability as well. There is a specific forum for it. As to whether its anxiety disorder or bipolar or anything else for that matter as I stated only a psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis. My opinions come from a vast majority of informational material I've read on a highly clinical level but I'd rather someone read those websites than think of me as a source which I no way claim to be and as for all of us here only a psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis anyway.

[ILADVOCATE]

As I stated only a psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis and what the diagnosis can be is complex. Bipolar is not frightening by any means but is quite treatable but only a psychiatrist could tell if it was that. Anxiety disorder sometimes requires medications. Sometimes it doesn't. Anxiety disorder is a standard psychiatric diagnosis. We are only here to share our opinions. Ultimately its a person's psychiatrist that decides what is the proper diagnosis and treatment.