First, this is a subject a lot of people have written in about on this forum. It usually stems from a fear, and therefore a bias, about being gay. Many young people go through this. You also say you have suffered OCD your whole life, but this isn't a disorder usually found when you're very young, and a lot of people falsely diagnose themselves with this disorder or are falsely diagnosed with it by mental health professionals. It matters because the treatment for OCD is different than the treatment for other types of anxiety, and if it's really not your problem you can waste a lot of time treating it. I was falsely diagnosed with it, but was smart enough to ignore the psychiatrist. But then I later really did get it as part of withdrawal from a medication, and I know how different it is and what a bear it is to get rid of. In my opinion, and many others on here disagree so you make up your own mind, there's no such thing as HOCD. It's a label with no practical use. Thinking thoughts you don't like is a symptom of all mental disorders, and putting labels on yourself can lead to you defining yourself as being ill when in fact you're just going through something so many young people do, which is trying to understand your sexuality. It happened to me once in my life after a breakup where the woman had cheated on me, and I was lucky to find a therapist who reassured me that it was just normal thinking that usually goes away with time or resolving whatever it is that's really bothering you and making you insecure about your sexuality. If you have a chronic anxiety problem, I hope you are seeing a psychologist who specializes in anxiety treatment so you can give yourself a chance to get past this. Peace.