Anger Management and the young survivor

....and by young I mean anyone under????????


60? 70?   I really don't know but as a woman under forty who is lucky enough to have had kids (some of us afflicted havent even had any at all) I am going through a stage of disconnect with all these people who (understandably) are my age (or older) and distraught with their mother's diagnosis. I do feel empathy I DO....and I share my experience willingly...but honestly...this disease...ANY DISEASE in a person of one age and a person FORTY years older is going to look act and be very very different.....And I know we all have to support one another and I am all for that but it feels like this is more about supporting caregivers sometimes than supporting those of us who actually have to go through this....Maybe this is just another stage of acceptance of this disease...and I mean no disrespect to anyone but I feel disregarded when I am compared constantly to women who have had full lives and I haven't yet.

[junamgen]

The only thing i can tell you is try not to compare youself to the others if it make you more unfair.  My personal life goal is not how long i lived rather than how much peope i have affected.  The other point is if i die early which is most likely than my peers, I will be very lucky to have so many people remeber me. If i am the last one to go i will be constantly thinking my friends.  Any event has pro and cons, try to look at positive side which can make you a little happier each day.  Hope it helps!

peace and love

jun

[dian07]

Please know you are not disregarded by this older ovarian cancer patient.  There are way too many of you "younger" women dealing with this god-awful disease.  I think of you women, and speak of you often.  I know it does not make any difference at all, but  my family knows of you.
I know what you are talking about when you voice support for caregivers, eventhough the conversation seems to be hijacked in their needs.   I think, perhaps, that happens because it is easier to respond to their needs ...... it is much more difficult to actually address the fears, pains and realities of an ovarian patient.  I was diagnosed at 55.  My youngest was graduating from high school, still, having everything taken out at that age left me feeling confused.....I can't imagine how you felt.  The thought of having to leave my children was, and always has been, a nightmare.  I had a 4 year old when I was 40...I had 6 others who still needed me.....three of the boys were less than 7 years of age!  I can only imagine the anguish of a young mother  with young children.  I have to believe it is a very dark , lonely and scary place.
Facing your own mortality is scary, painful, and lonely.  The middle of the night is especially lonely when we can't sleep.....everyone else is peacefully sleeping and it's obvious that life and time are passing even though this is happening to us.  Sometimes it seems we just don't matter.
You matter.  You matter a lot.  This is not fair.....none of it is fair.  In my book this place is all about giving support, in any way possible, to any and all women who have this disease.
You matter.  You are in my heart. , please know that.
Peace.
dian

[Searching48507]

I have to concur with Jun and Dian.  I can't imagine the feelings, fears and emotions that you deal with on a daily basis.  But, as a former caregiver, I can let you know that I had appreciated this site for the input and support.  I have also seen the posts from all ages.  I believe what may really be happening here is that the caregivers of parents over 70 came to this site, because their parent isn't the most computer literate for researching and advise, and we end up speaking on their behalf.  So, reaching out for them and sharing back with them almost as a translator.  What should a child in her 30's or 40's who is watching her beloved mother deal with this and asking questions do?  Reach out to find the best answers possible.  Does the disease act differently?  YES, based on age, cell type, tumor type, patient condition, etc... But, sometimes we just need to also reach out to help find those answers.  I also don't mean any disrespect, but rather to share what a wonderful find that I thought this forum was as I watched my best friend crash and burn from this monster in less than 6 months.

Peace and love, with tears streaming down my face,

Karen

[Ramsay14]

I am extremely angry too!  I was diagnosed at age 44 and have been surviving for 1 1/2 years with ovarian cancer.  I've been on chemo almost the whole time. My daughter was 12 when I was diagnosed and that has been the absolute hardest part of this whole ordeal for me.  The thought of leaving her here without a mother makes my throat choke up every time I think of it.  I am acutely aware of the importance of a mother in a little girls life.  I grew up with a mother in my house but was never mothered.  Ignored would be a better word for it.  My mother's needs always came first.  I promised myself that when I had a daughter that she would never experience that kind of upbringing.  She was going to know that she was loved.   She was going to have the guidance of a mother weather she liked it or not!  To realize that I may not get to keep that promise to myself tortures me everyday.  She's 14 now, but she still needs me.  I am so angry I may have to leave her.

Now about my husband.  All that I may miss with him.  For 20 years we have worked together to make a life.  Looking forward to the day when our work was done, our daughter would be fully baked and succeeding on her own.  We could relax then and really enjoy each other and our retirement years together.  We have given up a lot now so we could have those future days together.  I may not get to live them.  I am so angry  that I may not get to have that time with him.

I'm angry about a lot of other things as well.  One of which is the treatment of doctor's.  The few I've experienced seem to have this attitude that I should just be happy with stabilization and how great it is that I've gotten that.  I'm not happy with that.  I haven't even had a remission.  Not one day.  They just look at me like they don't even want to see me because statistically I think they're thinking that there is nothing they can really do for me.  "Just find a treatment that you can live with instead of trying to go for that brass ring."  I will never stop trying and I want them to stop looking at me like it's totally pointless.

[crecco]

I dealt with my anger a few years ago. Oh yes, I am still angry but for different reasons.
  Whether a caregiver or an actual patient, it is hard, no matter what. For many years ovarian cancer was considered an older womans disease, but in recent years the age of women being diagnosed is getting younger and younger.
  I too was diagnosed at the ripe old age of 44. I am now 48 and still fighting. I could not understand how a 44 year old could be diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer. But after 31/2 years of fighting and of non stop chemo, I now hate what this disease has done to my family and friends more that what it has done to me. I was lucky enough to have had 1 son, who is now grown and has a family of his own. Had I not fought like I did, I would never have known my now 2 year old grandson. Now with 3 grandkids that I am close to, I worry all of the time, what my passing will do to them. I also worry about my son as we are very close. Then there is my mom. No parents should have to watch their children go before them. What about my younger sister, who after 31/2 years still seems in denial?
  No body compares any of us to someone who has had a full life. In my opinion, anyone who is diagnosed with cancer, has not had a full life as it has been cut short by this monster. I do understand how you feel as it is a very hard fact to accept and try as we might, I don't think any of us really ever accept it. For our loved ones, it is even harder for them to accept.
   I have learned to live for today. We cannot change the past and we cannot predict the future, so enjoy today while we have it. Live one day at a time. Before you know it those "one days" have begun to add up.
  I have no intention on going anywhere yet and I feel that has given me the strength to fight.
  Your anger is understandable, but try not to waste the time you do have by being angry all of the time. If you do, you will miss out on all of the happy times that you could be having. When you do feel angry, try to put yourself in the caregivers shoes for a few minutes and think of what it is doing to them, because bless their hearts, as hard asit is on them, they try to hide many of their thoughts and emotions from us so as not to upset us.
  Hang in there Hon and keep your hope alive.
    Chris

[Burnzie]

I couldn't agree with Crecco more.  I was diagnosed with stage 1V at 44 years too and it *****, but learning to live for today has been a key to finding happiness in this disease.  It takes alot of practice but it becomes more of a habit after awhile.  Its not the quantity of life that matters in the end but the QUALITY.  You get up in the morning and say,"How am I going to enjoy today?"  The rest will follow.  Hang around only positive people.  There are lots of people old and don't appreciate a day of it.  I get pissed off too but mostly at how people treat eachother.  Anyway, its good to get the anger out and we all have it from time to time.  I think everyone involved with this disease, family and friends need support and I hope that this forum continues to provide that source for people of all ages.

Karen

[seawaves]

I agree OvCa in our early 40's is so unfair but at least we are still around to complain about it sadly 4 other young women I knew have not been as lucky. So far with just 1 reccurrance after 3 years and i am now 4 and 1/2 years since my original dx I have been fortunate to have had good breaks from the disease. But even so life has become a 3to4 month cycle of return hospital visits, Always a gamble making any longer term plans.
It is hard at times during treatments to see beyond to the positive but I have learn't to try to look at and find something beautiful in the ordinary daily events around me each day. And each day I am happy and forever thankful to my medical team that I am still enjoy my growing boys and their lives challenges and achievements.
Indulge yourself every day to a little "me time" (a short walk or even looking outdoors through an open window observing nature around me always works for me) and catch up with your friends as often as possible and laugh.
Mary

[SimplyStar]

some of you come down pretty hard on care providers, saying that they are insensitive and only  say how  OVCA is affecting them.  I have "known" too many of you on both sides of this quandry to see it in any other way other than it is a LOVE , a feeling of despiration from both of you, from the patient, it is WHY me?  and from the caregiver, sometimes it is, please God  give it to me and save her.  I lived every day in Leslee's shoes, I did not feel the acutal pain, but I knew it was there, and as her Mom I wanted it to go away.   You as the patient think about the ones you possibly might leave behind,  do not worry, life goes on, no one is irreplacable, we like to think we are but in reality we are not.  In the two and half years that Leslee had with us and the cancer, she and I lived each day as a part of life,  we treasured the past, lived the present and let the future take care of itself.  If you dwell too much on your cancer, then it has won, if you can live your life as normal as possible  then you have won.  I am still alive at 79, God must think I have something more to do, He took Leslee and a big chunk of me away when she was 51,  but that is the IMPORTANT part, I had her in my life for 51 years, I do not have any regrets for that, all I have left is LOVE.   Marty

[onthemendmomma]

This is not about you. No one is coming down on care providers. Ironically when I was in grad school my best friend WAS terminally ill (which I as of yet do not consider myself to be) and I was her main support and I walked beside her...but I could never know what it was to be in her shoes. And I have a daughter too...no mother should ever see her daughter suffer through chronic illness..as you did...I am sorry for the injustice that you apparently suffered in that way.....

BUT YOU>>>WE....ANYONE..... DO NOT no matter how much we love that person walk in their shoes.

AND I DONT BELIEVE YOU MEAN TO BE MALICIOUS BUT YOU OFFER NO COMFORT when you say "do not worry, life goes on, no one is irreplaceable" blah blah blah.....Everyone single one of us is irreplaceable and your implication is frankly insensitive to the point of  heartless and dare I say vulgar. You work on your grief and maybe survivors guilt....and I'll work on my anger and we can both get what we need....healing and peace.

[Ramsay14]

Thank you onthemendmomma.  You said what I could not say.  I don't believe that anyone could replace me in my daughter's heart.  Human beings are not replaceable.

[SimplyStar]

Oh to be so misunderstood,  as a youngster you did not understand the terminal illness of your friend.  As an adult, Mother and retired nurse I did understand completely what my daughter was going through.  I lost my hubby of 42+ years  just 15 years ago, after caring for him for 11 years,  did he worry about me and the kids?  I am sure he did but he was smart enough and believed in God enough to know that we would be fine. The word irreplacable seems to be the word you object to, he is no longer around to do the things that he did  for the family, now those things are done by me or someone else, that is what I meant by irreplaceble, the joys that I shared with my daughter I now share with her daughters and Leslees many friends, we do not forget, we just have to go on living and do the best we can.  I do not set myself up to judge your actions nor do I feel you should judge mine.  I have been on this forum for over 2 years now, and I get angry right along with many of you, it is not fair  for so many to face what you do day after day,  it is not about acceptance either, no one should ever get to the place where they accept  their fate.  I know I do not have many years left, my kids will miss me, but they will go on with their lives, I certaintly hope they will, that is what I want above all.  I have lost  my parents , my 3 brothers, my hubby  and now my daughter, and I know they are all waiting for a reunion with me in Gods own time and Love.  I wish you well.  Marty

[LILLIAN577]

Ok everyone. I have not been on this site for long. But we need to stick together. Being young and having this disease is a horrible and unfair thing to go through. I lost my biological parents at 41 and 42 plane crash, heart attach in sleep. I only had known them for 1 year. Unfair is right, no warning. But also no suffering! I think the hardest thing of all this is the unknown of how much suffering is gonna be entailed in this. Suffering for the patient, children, husband (like my dad whose been married to my mom for 55 years), grandchildren. We all experience some sort of pain during these times. None of it makes sense no matter how old you are. Noone wants to see there mother suffer, i know I dont. I know everyone feels for the younger woman in this forum, your all right you shouldnt be going through this. We all have a cross to carry and fair isnt always in the vocabulary. Im truly sorry for all of you that are going through this, children that may be left without parents, parents without their children. This is all hard for all of us. We need to stop and say a prayer for all of us. To give us peace and acceptance even if it does such. Ultimately it is in Gods hands. I dont have cancer, but I can get in my car tommorow have an accident and be left paralized. None of us have any guarantees. Lets get it together because hope is all we have. I hope this helped some....

[onthemendmomma]

So you are enlightened...and I am not?..and I could pass judgement too and say..."as an elder you are still so self consumed and narcissistic"......I'm too tired to to repeat myself go back to my original response to you.
You CONTINUE  to attempt to diminish my experience.... I am seeking what I need..I do not share your belief system that your God has preserved your life so you can do something but following that logic...... perhaps his job for you is to  to find humility...perhaps it is to learn compassion..perhaps it is just to find  silence when that is the only gift you have to give. I do find judgement in your actions Marty...because my guiding principle...especially with people who are in need ...is first and formost....is do no harm....and in this case...by continuing to diminish me and force your point ...you are doing harm. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU IT NEVER WAS..can you understand that...it is about a sisterhood of women who are just experiencing something different? Don't feel left out...it's an exclusive club...but really...it's not all that much fun...

[onthemendmomma]

I've felt genuine connection with you and your mom and I don't want to diminish that for one second....we are in this together and I have shared whatever I have with you with a full heart. I've also just felt lonely as one of the "younger" patients and I do think...and honestly hope...that while somethings are the same about how the disease plays out across the decades that some things are also different...and emotionally....it is very very different for those of us who just thought we were getting to middle adulthood...to suddenly be facing (potential) end of life issues that are supposed to be associated with elder years.

[SimplyStar]

Sorry girls  but I just can't deal with this much anger, not right now any way, OH how I miss Jan, she was my rock in times like this.   Take care  , I love you, Marty

[Ramsay14]

I don't misunderstand you, I understand your comments completely!  I agree with some of your comments like about household chores.  Yes life goes on.  My husband can hire a housekeeper to do my work here, but she certainly won't replace me.  When my daughter walks through the front door of our house after school and no one is home to greet her, who could I hire to fulfill that role?  An Au Pair possibly, but she won't replace me. My husband can hire a hooker, and she'd probably be more skilled in bed than I am, but she won't love him the way I do.  They would all be paid employees working for my husband, but not because they care as much as I do, they would be in it for the job and the money.  But yes, life would go on.

No one can replace my role in my family, because no one could ever care as much as I do about my family.  This was a thread for younger survivors who have OvCa.  We are angry because our lives may be cut in half and for some even less that half.  I understand you have dealt with terminal illness before several times it seems, but until you've walked in those shoes, you do not know what it's like to be in those shoes.  I don't care how much you've seen it, you haven't lived it.

You had Leslee for 51 years.  You got to see her grow up, become independent, and have children of her own.  My daughter is still a young girl, not even in high school yet, and she still needs me.  The trauma for a young teen to lose her mother is very different than a mother losing her grown daughter.  Don't get me wrong, the idea of either is inconceivable to me, but they are two very different scenarios.  My daughter would have no grandmother to help fulfill my role, which is what I believe would be the most acceptable substitute.  You have the luxury to be there for your grandkids.

I may never know my grandchildren. I never had maternal support to help me with my daughter.  I want to be here to be maternal support to my daughter when she has children.  I may not get to do that and it will be a loss for my daughter.  It's not what I want for her.  She deserves an intact family.  Yes, my husbands new wife could fulfill my role to some degree, but she'll never love my daughter or grandchildren the way I would.  My precious daughters children could never be loved by any other woman as much as I would love them.  It's just not possible.  

There will be a huge void in the lives I leave behind.  Yes, life will go on, the household will run.  But my daughter may not have her mother's influence in such formative years that are yet to come.  So please don't tell me that I shouldn't worry.  These are my feelings and I have a right to them.  And definitely don't tell me I'm not smart enough and don't believe in God enough to know that my family will be fine.  I know that my husband would be fine and he will take excellent care of our daughter because he adores her.  In the grand scheme of things my daughter will be fine as well but she will have some everlasting scars.  So please do not try to minimize my worry.

[Tybear]

I get the anger that is swirling around on this thread - I really do. How can you not be angry when your diagnosed with a disease that affects every aspect of your life? It was awful having to make a will at 27 years old because I had cancer. It's awful having to worry about what will happen to my little boy after I'm gone - and no one can tell me I shouldn't worry because I'm a mother - that's what I do. It's so easy to say one day at a time and be happy your here, but it takes time to get to that point...
I used to laugh when I was first diagnosed and people would say to me "stay positive!" - that is a state of mind - how could I possibly stay positive when everything that was being thrown at me was as negative as they come? I found it just about the most ignorant thing anyone could say to me...like it was easy for me to just flip a switch and poof - I was suddenly positive! Again, it takes time to get to that point and each persons journey is different.
I think what I see here, and please correct me if I'm wrong, is that when we (those with cancer) come on here and say we're scared of death and treatment and what the future holds, our feelings become de-valued when other's can so easily preach about how God decides our time and how we are never given more than we can handle. From an outsiders point of view, I'm sure it must be easy to say those words and you probably think it provides comfort but it doesn't - we are SCARED. We are allowed to be scared. I think the well meaning words of others sometimes makes us feel bad for the feelings we have...so now on top of being afraid and frightened, we feel guilty because we aren't supposed to feel this way. (according to some)
This is a vicious cycle and I know, for me, it took years to live each day not being angry and consumed with thoughts about my death. It's a process and one that takes lot's of time and should not be rushed. I don't live every day being angry but I'm still scared...and no ones words of wisdom will ever make that feeling go away. I am allowed to feel what I feel because this is MY journey and no one elses...
Don't feel bad about the feelings your having and don't feel like you aren't allowed to feel them. Day by day, they will start to become less and less consuming....
Becky xx

[Tybear]

I'm really not trying to pick a fight here but when I read your post I couldn't help but get a little frustrated - does that mean because I may not get a chance to see my SON grow up, that my battle is worse than yours? I could say your lucky too, because your daughter is older than mine - my son just turned six! Does that make you feel any better?
Cancer is cancer and yes, it's awful to imagine our children, no matter what age, without thier Mom's but we shouldn't be playing the "I'm worse off than you are" game. No one wins - trust me.
Everyone here is angry, including me, because we are forced to imagine our lives going on without us and it's scary.
Becky

[jane65]

"Do not worry, life goes on, no one is irreplaceable". After I read Marty's first post, It both angered, and saddened me, and stayed in my mind until I fell asleep.

I'm a stage 4B cancer VICTIM and I hate that stupid word survivor, I'm not a survivor,  I'm about to embark on a new and 3rd regime of chemo drugs. I am angry and frightened and I know what my eventual fate will be, don't tell me it's God's will that I have cancer and I should put my faith in him. I'm sorry, but I put our faith in my doctors and medicine to treat my  d**n cancer. I understand that we pray to God for strength to deal with this horror and feel comfort, I do too.

Those thoughtless words that Marty obviously needs to feel, so that she can go on with her life, upset me greatly. "do not worry"? How can we be dealing with a terminal disease  reading, gathering information, and trying to find the right answer for ourselves to go on with life, and not worry? I'm sorry, but it's absolutely a given and IMPOSSIBLE to not worry about our fate, and the excruciating pain our loved ones will be left with.

A broken coffee pot can be replaced, a car that won't work anymore can be replaced. A wife, mother, daughter or sister CANNOT be "replaced". We're all individuals, not cut from a mold.

"Life goes on", sure the seasons will change, children and grandchildren will always grow up, have birthdays graduate school and have families. But D**N  IT, I WANT TO BE HERE TO SEE THAT!!!
My husband and my soul mate of 45 years, will be so lost without me. I don't express it but I worry, what if he has a diagnosis of cancer, or heart disease,  and I'm not here to take care of him?
Oh sure, eventually he may find someone else to share his bed and life, but it definitely won't be me, because I'm IRREPLACEABLE!!

He's been a wonderful caregiver and support for me, he's never complained, or shown how tired and frightened he is, and he's been amazing, as are ALL the caregivers.

We are all scared, we have the right to be scared, and with every scan, or test that shows growth or spread of this disease, we have a right to our feelings, and they should never be minimized, especially by someone who should be thankful that they're not "in our shoes" as much as they think they're empathizing with us.

This is the first time I've ever felt the need to express my pent up anger, on this forum but I had to get it out, or it would rattle around in my head.
Jane

[bohan54]

I am 55 which I think is relatively young to be faced with end of life issues.  Unlike onthemendmomma, I know this disease will kill me and its looking sooner than later.
What makes me angriest is the omnipresence of cancer.  You just can't forget about it, even in dreams it rears its ugly head.  So not only is this rotten monster stealing my golden years with my family and friends, it is fouling what little time I have.  Birds and bees, flowers and trees, sunshine and lollipops aside - I still see and appreciate those things but the shadow of my imminent demise is on the periphery.  I am scared s%#tless and have no safety net as I am not a Christian, Jew, Muslim, etal.  My husband and son share my non beliefs so we don't think we'll be seeing each other later.  That's where the guilt comes in, how do we make the most of each day?   It's a dilemma and I am in a wallowing period right now, hoping to pull my fragile self together to resume the battle.
Thanks everyone for being here and sharing, I think it's a healthy thing even if somebody pisses you off.
Sharon

[Ramsay14]

Hi Becky,

The last person I would ever wanted to upset is you right now especially with setback you're having at this current time.  Please forgive me.  I really truly am not playing a "who's worse off game".  I was devastated by Simply Star's comment that I shouldn't worry too much about dying because I'm replaceable.  It hurt the deepest part of my soul because of all I've been through in my childhood.  I want my daughter to have a different life than I had.  I don't want to be replaced.  She needs me.  I still feel at this moment as if I've been stabbed in the heart.  

All I was trying to say was that the plight of losing a grown daughter is a very different plight than for us women who have ovarian cancer and are raising young children who still need us desperately.  Both are devastating scenarios neither of which can ever be stated as worse than the other.  I find myself thanking God daily that he didn't choose my daughter to get a horrible illness.  That I could not take.  I couldn't live without her.  She could never be replaced.  There would be a hole so large in my life I could see myself never recovering from that kind of loss.

I'm not trying to minimize Simply Stars plight in relation to mine, she has been through a horrible ordeal.  But I feel as though her comments were extremely insensitive to me.  We have different plights.  Life for her will go on in a different way than my families life will go on for them because we are in completely different situations.  Until I've walked a mile in someone's shoes, I could never say who has it worse.  My humble opinion is that we are all in a terrible situation.  None should be minimized and none should be maximized.  

I hope I have clarified the position of my post above.  The best to you Becky and I hope you are feeling better every day.  I think of you and your son often.

[OzBron]

I hesitate to join this thread, the anger makes it easy to misinterpret intent behid words and in some ways the disconnection you are feeling means that really you only want feedback from others close to your situation, that is young and with cancer. Because of that I am responding.
Personally as someone diagnosed at 31 with 3C OVCA I fully understand your feelings. I was very angry for a while and also quite disconnected from everyone around me. Noone else my age was dealing with this type of thing and I had a cancer that I just shouldn't have had (statistically) at my age. I wanted to find others that matched my situation so that i could connect with someone but found there wasn't anyone. Noone matched MY situation and I felt very alone. Even those my age weren't necessarily continuing to work or dealing with the fact that they hadn't even started the family they dreamed of. There was anger and also jealousy. I wished that if I did have to get this disease -why couldn't it have happened later? Not only do we not fit in with what all our friends are going through in their (relatively) stress free lives but we also don't fit in within those with OVCA.
Through the forum I found connections with many older women. It isn't the age or situation that helps you reconnect and feel less alone, it is the personalities and caring. I've learnt that feeling alone is part of the disease. It is a personal journey and each person deals with things differently and has a different journey. One thing I found helped is that I joined a Cancer group for young women. This helped me connect with others going through similar thoughts and fears as me regardless of the cancer type. I felt less unique, it took a weight from my shoulders. I only needed this for a short time, to help me through some of the anger and frustration. The anger doesn't continue forever - atleast not with this initial intensity. It is just to draining. But you do have to see a way through it, though it can spur you to fight it can also be destructive if it goes on for too long.
In the end OVCA just doesn't respect age or life situation. No cancer does.
Seek what you need. You just simply will not find many people close to matching your situation within the OVCA forum - look elsewhere for that connection in the short term. Ultimately for me, the connections with those with this disease through this forum have endured long past my time with the young womens cancer group.

Advise to caregivers - on threads like this I truly believe you need to step back even though you want to support us. The true need for this kind of thread is for cancer victims / survivors (which ever way you look at it) to support each other and share how we got through that anger stage and help feel more connected to others. At this stage we just may not be receptive to support from those that have not been personally on the same journey no matter what experience you have had.

[Tybear]

No worries. I totally get what you are saying...I guess I'm just trying to say that, no matter what age, a loss is a loss.
I had a hard time when I got diagnosed because all of the literature out there - it was all directed at older women! Everyone was scared because they might not see their grandchildren grow up - here I was just hoping I'd get to see my son start kindergarten! Two very different worlds.
I guess I just felt the need to speak up because I've known Marty for a long while and I know what a devastating loss it was for her when Leslee passed away.
I do have to say the "no one is irreplacable" comment was hurtful - I'm not replaceable - Tyson will never have another Mother like me. No one will even come close - ever. No one will ever love him the way I do or worry about him the way I do...they can try, but they'll never replace me in his life when I'm gone.
I'm just trying to smooth this over but you know what? We all obviously have a lot of anger and I think it's good to get it out...
I do agree with you that we have different struggles than those who are at a different place and time in their lives...different worries, different concerns. It's hard all around...
I didn't mean to be dis-respectful to you...I hope it didn't come off that way.
Becky xx

[bohan54]

Well put

[lvfrogs]

I hope no one will be upset that I posted on this thread. I just want to say that I will NEVER understand what any of you go through, young or old, because I do not have OVCA; however, I care deeply about the women on this forum, I pray every morning and night for all of you, even those that I don't "know" and I hope that you all will understand that some women (caregivers & women w/o cancer) come on this forum to support, offer comfort, share friendships and love. I think SimplyStar's words were probably taken out of context, as that can happen with written words. She is a very loving, giving woman who has supported this forum for many years.  Yes, we do not understand, as we are not walking in your shoes and I wish more than anything else that there was not cancer in this world. It is a horrible disease! Hugs to all of you, Colleen

[SimplyStar]

the shoes I walk in may not be like yours, they are mine, they are really scuffed, run over heels and very thin soles now,  they have carried me through things that I hope none of you ever have to face,  they did not make my pain any less or more than yours,  but so far they have walked with me through the many pitfalls of life.   None of you were wearing my shoes when I got polio at age 22, or had 5 miscarriages because of the polio, none of you were wearing my shoes as I sat by  the bed of my son in ICU for 11 days while he was on life support, Anger properly placed is sometimes good for you,  but you must know what or who you are angry at,  in the case of your cancer,  can you focus all your anger at just it?   No one knows the cause of OVCA, so that removes the causitive affect  from  anger,  that leaves the myriad of things connected to the cancer, you, family, medical field,  friends and strangers.  One of the "cures" for anger is to place blame,  there is nothing there for you to blame,  only for some , they blame God, because there is no one else.  It is easy to strike out at others  in searching where to place blame for your ills, but is that fair? To those of you that are upset with my wording of the posts,  if you truely knew me , you would know that I am with you all the way in fighting this dreadful disease. Each one of us builds up the lessons we leave behind.  the one thing that I feel for all of you is a deep sense of LOVE and my prayers are said for all.

[onthemendmomma]

I'm not sure how long ago you lost your daughter but at this moment I really can offer all the most compassion I feel right now which is alot......your insistance instructs me on how much you really need it. Your need to stay connected to your daughter compells you to keep inserting yourself..You want us to know you have suffered to...and I believe you...But....trying to build this into conflict where there is none...to continue to judge and point fingers......I'm not going to indulge it......I for one am not suggesting that you don't need to be here (this forum) you feel you need to be even though you no longer are a caregiver of a person w/ OVCA*****as for this conversation that is another story************* but maybe you can find some people who ARE walking in YOUR shoes in the "overcoming grief and loss group"....I do wish you peace Marty.

[onthemendmomma]

it's so good to have a voice again...to all of you who listened...thanks...to those of you who HEARD...my graditude is inifinite....and to the women I found who are walking this path too.....let's keep reminding them we're here and we're a force to be reckoned with for as long as we can!

[gls2824]

"Advise to caregivers - on threads like this I truly believe you need to step back even though you want to support us. The true need for this kind of thread is for cancer victims / survivors (which ever way you look at it) to support each other and share how we got through that anger stage and help feel more connected to others. At this stage we just may not be receptive to support from those that have not been personally on the same journey no matter what experience you have had. "

Ok, I know I'm probably stepping in a load here, but  I thought MedHelp is for everyone.  It's a medical resource where people can come to ask their questions, or so I thought.  Is the Ovarian Cancer forum founded on a different principle, even though it's sponsored by Medhelp?  If you're not receptive to those who don't have cancer themselves, then don't post to their questions.  I came here because I was terrified.  My diagnosis was not as dire as some here, but I don't feel that disqualifies me from lending support or obtaining as much information as I can about my diagnosis.  

I would also come here if a parent was stricken, or a sibling, or g-d forbid, a child, hoping for information and comfort.  On another site there's a woman posting whose 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with OVC.  Obviously, the daughter is not going to ask the questions that her mother can and will.  In fact, the life of this woman's child may depend on the generosity of the women who will answer her questions and tell her what she needs to do.

No one is mandating that you be receptive to those not walking your path, but they do have every right to be here.

[TrudieC]

I was not offended at all by what OzBron wrote.  I am a non-OVCA patient.  Yes, MedHelp is for everyone and the OVCA forum supports many different people.  Since this posting was about the anger and deep feelings that those diagnosed with OVCA have I don't find it peculiar that only those with OVCA respond.  In my mind it is like having a man respond to a posting about how it feels to be pregnant.  He can't express the same feelings.  If this was a grief forum and a posting by a mother who lost a child asked for sharing with other mother's who have lost in the same way, no one would object.  

There is no reason for discord here and no malicious intent.  These ladies have a right to express all their feelings.

[SimplyStar]

Who has the answer for this?   who deals with the "anger and deep feelings"  expressed by you?  Can a person express anger  constantly to just themselves?  No, it must be shared as it comes to the surface, can you hold your own hand, cry on your own shoulder, say those words of comfort to yourslves?  Do not push away those that love you, saying "you don't understand",  Believe when I say, we do feel your pain, we do know of your feelings of  the "what ifs" , we do not leave you, we stand by to help ease any hurt you have.   This comfort may come from a person that has been right where you are now,  or it may come from someone that loves you and wants you to know that you are not alone.  I have been a caregiver since I came to the age of reason,  most of us have, I can no more stop caring about my family and friends then you can.  MedHelp has been here for me for over 2 years,  with and through them,  I have been offered help and the chance to repay some of that help,  I have made my peace with my grief and will continue to offer what help I can to others,  because I know that is what Leslee would have expected me to do, she was a great caregiver,  I am not her, but I offer and give of myself to her daughters and grandchildren,  as long as I live I will tell them about the beautiful woman that loved and cared for them.  As dian says  , peace,  Marty

[Ramsay14]

The MedHelp OvCa forum is for everyone!  All people who have had OvCa touch their lives.  We are all here to offer what we can, and to learn everything we can.  I don't think anyone disputes that.  It's just this one particular type of thread that sort of needs to be respected.  A young survivor thread.  We are a rare sub-group of OvCa.  We need somewhere to turn, someone that can hear us, someone who is experiencing what we are also experiencing.  That's why this thread was started.  A place to voice our terror and anger at this disease.  We were just a little blindsided by the "replaceable" comment.  It is not what we needed to hear.

[Tybear]

I totally agree with Trudie...I couldn't have said it better myself.
No one was suggesting that those who don't have ov/ca shouldn't post on the forum at all - just on this particular post (thread). The title of the thread specifically requests that those who are "young survivors" respond. Had the post been directed at, say, caregivers, I wouldn't have responded because I don't know what it's like to be a caregiver.
I don't really see what the big deal is here...

[doicat]

Am I young enough to put my 2 cents in here?  I was dx last year at 47 and have a 15 yo daughter.  

When I first got on this sight last fall, I said something stupid about having the "bad" OVCA, Clear cell.  Someone, (probably Jan) popped in and said, "all cancer is bad"...no one gets the deuce here.  There is nothing Good about having cancer...the old or young, good or bad, people with kids or none.  No one life is more important than another.  Whether you are a young mother or a great grandma!  We all have things to finish.

I know that no one is ready to die…but we, those with cancer somehow, for some reason, have been given ‘notice’. We will all die sooner than we thought. NO one knows when they are going to die but we have been given a “best by” date.

Ever hear the joke: This couple that had been married over 75 miserable years just got a divorce…
Why? They were waiting for their children to die!

But, we all can’t just give up and die! We all, old and young, have things to finish, see happen, help with…. I’ve got a girl to finish raising. I want to see her go through high school and college, find a fulfilling career, fall in love, get married. I want to help her and advise her through her pregnancies, want to see her kids grow up. I want, want, want… We know we won’t be here forever, but we all want to FINISH things…see closure with our family no matter what our age is.

So what is the lesson here? What am I supposed to learn?

For now, I’m trying to learn to love the moments we have here with our loved ones. To thank You Lord for what we have been given. Hey, I’m not giving up here…maybe the struggle for wanting more is part of this lesson. Maybe you are teaching me to be stronger than I thought I was, to be wiser than I thought I was, to be kinder than I have been, to be more humble than I have been.

One thing I have learned very recently because of this cancer, is that He is my strength, He is my wisdom, and He is my comfort.

May we all find strength, wisdom and comfort in this battle.  And may we all join together and help each other fight this dreaded disease.

Peace to all.
Teresa

[Beachwalker33]

Some of you know me some of you don't.I was my Mom's caregiver while I witnessed her fight her heart out.I learned everything I could about the type of Ovarian Cancer my Mom had.I feel that something good should come out of every painful experiance.I got her cancer free,with research,herbs,vitamins,and many meds I had to do to tons of research on,and suggest to her oncologist.I felt I learned all these things for a reason.She had no visible cancer,her ca-125 was in normal range,even her doctor was shocked,since she was diagnosed Stage 4,it came back very shortly.Though I have never had Ovarian Cancer myself,when my Mom was sick I felt ill,I literally felt her pain.Was that normal?We were very close,so maybe thats why I literally felt like I went through it also.So why shouldn't the advice of caregivers be excepted as a loving gesture and an effort to help someone else have more time with there loved ones and live a longer life?And you think I don't understand your pain,so not true! God Bless,Jen

[onthemendmomma]

I for one am very thankful for the expertise and knowledge that has been shared by caregivers. What this thread is about is the experience of young women and what it is like to be facing end of life issues at our age. I looked at your profile briefly, I think I noticed you are in you are in your 30's. This thread is about being around your age and facing the potential end of your life when your peers are just getting started with there lives.

The hell caregivers go through is no small thing and they do it willingly and lovingly...I don't think anyone disputes that. Being a caregiver is just different then being the patient.

And the "typical" OVCA patient is of an older demographic.

There is an emerging sub-set of women however who are younger, and whose response to the disease is somewhat different because of their age. We DO have better stats...we do have different problems....that is all this thread is somewhere to talk about those unique aspects of being a young woman with this disease.

[Beachwalker33]

I was told to get the tests done to see if I had the gene or worse.I should for my son.I was told they thought I had a fibroid during pregnancy.I'll get it checked.I thought I had time,but its seems like this disease doesn't discriminate,young or old.I pray for many of you everday,especially those that don't believe! Love & hope to all of you with this disease,Jen

[Tybear]

I know I should let this go and I'm trying but I take exception to the post from Jen - with all due respect no, you have no idea the pain I go through. YOU do not have ovarian cancer...you can have empathy for me and my situation and sympathize with me, but you don't really know what it's like.
Being diagnosed at 26 years old was awful - my son was 2.5 years old, I had recently separated from my ex-husband and has *just* begun a new relationship. Then I'm handed what felt like a death sentence and all the literature out there is for older women...where's the brochures about being a single mom with cancer? Dating with cancer? Dealing with menopause at 26? Losing my ability to have more children? Not being able to take HRT and subsequently being diagnosed with osteoperosis? Having to think about who my child will live with when I'm gone? You can't possibly tell me that you have honestly gone through all of that and know how it feels. Like I said, you can empathize with me, but unless you have had that IV hooked up to your veins and had those toxic drugs waging war inside of you, you don't really know...
Again, no one was suggesting that caregivers don't have a say on this forum...I've learned a lot from Marty about how it must feel to be on the other side of all of this - it's made me more understanding of what it must be like to be my parents or sisters or spouse. We were merely suggesting that when someone starts a post directed towards those with ovarian cancer, that it would be respectful if those who didn't have cancer didn't post replies.
Becky

[dawnlyn]

Why are you trying to put an age to this disease and what happens to this person...You speak of being a certain age 30 for example and your peers are going on with their lives at that same age....True but women of age 40, 50, and 60 with ovarian cancer their peers are also going on with their lives..... Granted there are different set of circumstances with each age but that is just that  we all have different things we all have things going on at different times in our lives.. And each holds its own in importance to that individual....I hope that makes sense.....It is okay to be angry and we have every right to be so..If you do not have this disease you are going on with your life.....Please take the time to consider those caregivers who really are a special group of people and women of all ages who have this disease, because you are all right unless you walk in someone shoes you really do not know what they are going thru regardless of the age....The age should not matter...What should matter is the love and support we can all give one another..........We all want to live our lives to the fullest........We are all either  someone's mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, aunt.....We need to help one another and try to our best to find a cure for this damn beast........so others will not have to go thru what we have to endure.....I am not trying to upset anyone, but we all need to pull together, there is strength in numbers.........With the deepest love and respect.Dawnlyn.

[Ramsay14]

Dear Jen,

"So why shouldn't the advice of caregivers be excepted as a loving gesture and an effort to help someone else have more time with there loved ones and live a longer life"  

Why is this thread so difficult to understand?  We are all painfully aware of what this disease is doing to our loved ones.  We understand that the caregiver is experiencing excruciating pain!  We understand that it is excruciating to watch a loved one live with an insidious disease such as ovarian cancer.  The advise of caregivers is accepted and invaluable when appropriately given and when asked for!

What is not appropriate is when a caregiver offers up the advise of:

"You as the patient think about the ones you possibly might leave behind,  do not worry, life goes on, no one is irreplacable, we like to think we are but in reality we are not."  

That was not a loving gesture!  I'm going to dare to speak for a majority of the young survivors, but the above "advise" is our biggest fear.  It's the most horrible nightmare any of us have ever had.  Leaving our children behind without a mother.  How is the above advise loving?  How is it helpful in any way?      

[SimplyStar]

Hun you are forgetting about some very helpful posters, when you suggest that we, the caregivers, should not post on the OVCA threads what about JatooBob, Alan, just a few among many, with the research that many of us did insearching for answers and then we share them,  When Alans Mom was alive we all learned so much through his research, Jatoo always had an answer for us and with Bobs daughter we were able to get a new perspective about the younger  women,  One thing I have learned is that women have two very distinct sides, one is very private and the other is the public side that she alone can share.  This forum provides the vehical for lifting that curtain a little  and sharing the private side.  Life is too short and sweet to guard  those shared moments and not let them have the freedom to enlighten someone  that needs the help.  We have all made friends and we have lost some of them, we also wonder where some of the friends are when they no longer post here.   One thing I have never shared with you is , I was taught that life is a road I must follow, I shared this with my kids, there are many bumps in the road and there are many fine clear paths, the side of the road is lined with beautiful flowers,  stop along the way and smell the roses, if you look far enough towards the end, you will see a rainbow  take your time as you travel and know that at the end of the road there is freedom and peace.  Leslee found her rainbow.

[onthemendmomma]

It is exausting to keep repeating myself but it is affirming to so as well. Caregivers are also in grief...they are entitled to this grief. The grief of mourning a loved one....this is different...it is distinct and sad but it is not the same.

We survivors/victims of cancer are experiencing a different grief/terror. A grief that includes the terror of a timebomb that we didn't even know was ticking inside us that may (probably) despite our best efforts will continue to do us harm. PLEASE STOP TELLING ME HOW I SHOULD FEEL ABOUT MY CELLULAR FI!@#  REVOLUTION GOING ON INSIDE MY BODY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

   Today, despite my best efforts and desires to the contrary, I had to go to the doctors office which happens to be at the hospital. Despite, my preference not to I had to get blood drawn 3 different places b/c for some reason at this office they didn't want to deal with my port.....(which all the health careproviders said I'd just loooove...I don't ...I don't love my port 1 bit) Today I had to get xrays and wonder if by the time I got home the hospital will have called to tell me that I had to go back and be admitted....Today, I was reminded I am a "dead woman walking".....IN A VERY DIFFERENT WAY THAN we all are, in that we will all die "some day"...

Please, I respect your experience...why is it impossible to respect mine? Is it just too mind blowing to think that the person you loved may have had an  experience like mine? Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. But this is MY experience...and the experience of the women expressing themselves here...please if you really care LISTEN...and LEARN

[SimplyStar]

You as the patient think about the ones you possibly might leave behind,  do not worry, life goes on, no one is irreplacable, we like to think we are but in reality we are not."  

Since I was the one that wrote the above post , let me try and explain a little furthur just what I meant to convey.  When anyone dies , they leave some loved ones behind, life does go on, they go on living, as they should.  We can no longer direct the ways of the living from the grave,  that job belongs to others now, your words and love linger on but deceasions are no longer yours.  this post was not done to hurt any one, far be it from me to ever hurt anyone, I am a realist and so I look at life and death maybe a little different from some of you.  As a nurse in a MASH unit in Korea in 1952-53  I saw death and life everyday, working as a nurse for many years I sat with death many days, held hands and cried along with the family. The toughest ones were the children,  to lose a gentle soul so young is hard,  I do not consider myself irreplacable, I know that my loved ones will remember me but for them life will go on.  So all I can say is I guess the post was my opinion and if it bothered you, I am sorry.  marty

[doicat]

First of all I GET IT here guys....Marty....you are like a dog with a bone and just will NOT let it go!  Please just let it go and give these ladies a chance to have their own discussion without hearing how hard it is for you.  I'm sorry if that sounds harsh and I feel for you and your loss but this is an issue that you have no experience with!  Yes, you have had hard experiences in life but PLEASE just let it be....

Young girls...you too need to realize that whether you have a 2 year old or a 20 year old kid...it is equally hard for all of us.  No one wins the prize for worst scenario here.  We are all loosing things with this cancer and no one has it worse here! Sucky though that is.

Now let's us play nice and respect this thread for the young ladies going through this and let them feel free to express whatever they want without UNASKED for advise.

'Nough said!  We are all ladies here and need to respect each and everyone's space.

Hugs and peace to all
Teresa/Doicat

[Tybear]

"Again, no one was suggesting that caregivers don't have a say on this forum...I've learned a lot from Marty about how it must feel to be on the other side of all of this - it's made me more understanding of what it must be like to be my parents or sisters or spouse. We were merely suggesting that when someone starts a post directed towards those with ovarian cancer, that it would be respectful if those who didn't have cancer didn't post replies."

I'm not understanding this...it's one post! Can we not have one lousy post to ourselves? Like I said earlier, I wouldn't post on a thread directed towards caregivers because I have never been a caregiver - does the same not hold true for the title of this thread...The young survivor??

Teresa...I'm not playing the "I'm worse off than you are" game...I was writing that in response to Beachwalker who said that because she cared for her dying Mother, she understood my pain -  everyones potential loss here is immeasurable. But no - Jen does not "get" my pain.

You are right Marty - Jatoo, Bob Alan and yourself have provided loads of research for all of us here...but I suspect that, even Bob, wouldn't reply to a post that was titled "To the Young survivor" because he himself, isn't a young survivor.

I'm going to give up now because clearly I'm not conveying this correctly and I'm getting totally frustrated...maybe I should go answer some questions on the prostate cancer forum or something...

Becky

[gah_70]

Well said, Becky.  I have read and re-read this thread and wanted to post on it, but thought better of it.  I'm posting now because I'd like to suggest onthemendmamma start a new thread since this one has been so badly 'hijacked".  A few things to keep in mind:

1. This forum is for everyone.  Those of us with cancer as well as those who are caregivers offer a lot of advice that we need to hear.

2. No one ever said caregivers were not welcome, in general.  This is a public forum, and we need people involved on every side of ovarian cancer issues to post.  There is a lot of information out there we haven't even touched yet, and it takes all of us to make sure we are educated.  

3. No one ever disputed the value of the research we've gotten from some caregivers.  Afterall, many of them are able to do research and share it with those of us who may be going through treatment and don't have the strength or mindset to do it ourselves.  

4. No one ever disputed the immense heartache caregivers go through.  I have often thought I'm glad it is me suffering this disease instead of someone else close to me.  The feeling of helplessness, fear, and loss they have would not be something I'd want to experience.  I sometimes can't let myself be sick when I feel bad because I can't let those around me see it (which is an issue I need to work on...but that's another subject).

5. It was politely asked for this thread, and this thread ONLY, that young survivors respond.  But, since this is a public forum, others can post, too.  It seems some have taken offense to being asked not to post, and chose not to respect that. I don't understand why.  If you wish to discuss that, perhaps a new thread would be in order since this one now resembles nothing it started out to be.

I really don't see a resolution this, because everyone has an opinion they wish to air.  Discussion over a conflict is healthy, too.  This one has gotten out of hand, however.  So, is it going to be like other issues that have come up in the past?  Is it going to linger for week upon week until someone gets so mad, they leave the forum, or threaten to?  Can we please just call a truce?

Gail      

[pattie1218]

I am deeply hurt. I thought this forum was for anyone to join, and not an "Exclusive Club" for Ovarian Cancer Patients ONLY. I am so sorry I intruded in this. I am so sorry that I do not "walk in your shoes" nor can you walk in "my shoes" . I am so sorry for your battle that you have been living. I do not know of anything or any words that WILL actually comfort you EVER.  I am so sorry that I barged into this site, and was in need of sympathy and empathy, and SUPPORT. I was looking for support and although I did find it, I am sorry to say that I probably shouldnt have. I had no idea this forum was strictly for patients. Please accept my apologies. And I TOO as you are, TOO TIRED TO EVEN EXPLAIN MYSELF. All I can is that Yes, I am losing MY Mother, and I AM NOT STRICKEN WITH OVARIAN CANCER MYSELF and it feels like you are saying BOOO HOOOO in my face....because she lived a life, and had children, and is OLD...etc. ETC...ETC... like I dont care about what you are going through just because I AM A CAREGIVER.  SHAME ON YOU FOR BEING INSENSITVE TO US as well. SHE IS STILL A PERSON AND A HUMAN BEING. I THOUGHT THAT I DESERVED TO BE HERE, AND I GUESS I AM NOT WELCOME . I THOUGHT THAT I HAD BROUGHT JUST AS MUCH SUPPORT TO ANYONE HERE THAN YOU LADIES HAVE GIVEN ME.  WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE I AM NOT SUFFERING FROM THE CANCER AS YOU ARE??? I AM SORRY FOR THAT. IF I COULD TAKE AWAY THIS CANCER FROM EVERY WOMAN IT INFLICTED I WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT. BUT WHY DOES THAT MAKE MY FEELINGS INVALID???? WE ARE ALL IN NEED OF SUPPORT HERE! AND ITS NOT GOING TO MAKE ANYONES CANCER GO AWAY.

[gah_70]

I guess that answer is a no.

[pattie1218]

Gail, I apologize I didnt read your message before I posted mine. Please forgive me, I just dont feel like us caregivers are wanted here. I have had nothing BUT support shown to me on here, including by Becky herself. She has given me tips and advice! Now I see that she is angry. I apologize and a truce is in order as you asked as some people keep the fire going ....and Im sure my post didnt help...I apologize for that. Us caregivers can be angry to at this horrible disease. I am so sorry for what Becky is going through I really am, and I have no idea what its like, and have no words to help her, other than be there for her.  I will look for a new forum for caregivers. Im so sorry.

[Ramsay14]

Don't leave the forum Pattie.  No one wants that.  This is all a huge misunderstanding.  Let's take Gail's advise and move on from here.  

[Beachwalker33]

I'm sorry for all of you that I offended,it was not my intention.My heart and soul are in termoil for all of you and I don't believe I deserved some of those responses! I want a cure for all of you,my Mom is gone,she's in heaven as an angel her pain is over! Unless you knew my Mom and me,our relationship,you don't know that I didn't feel her pain! Extreme fatigue,nausea,the unability to eat or go the bathroom,brain fog,fear,anger,burning in your veins as that poison is entering them,dehydration,irritability,questioning your faith,extreme worry,pain in your stomach and just about everywhere else,dizziness,helplessness,wondering if your going to wake up in the morning and not wanting to be a burden,awful tests,ascites pushing on your bladder,organs,pain,and yes the fear of leaving your loved one's.Confusion.There's more,this is what I picked up on,I was not told!I could go on,but you know how you feel ,I don't though..

[crecco]

  I too have read and re read this thread and wondered about posting. All I can say is WOW!  I do understand you younger gals feelings. I felt the same way and I was 44 when diagnosed. I cannot imagine being even younger. But one thing I have decided in the almost 4 years since is that although I HATE what this cancer has done to me and my life, I hate even more what it has done to my family and friends. Thogut I have to deal with the fact that my life has been dramatically cut short, I have also realized that my family and friends will have to go on with out me also. And I do not want to have to put them through that, but I have no choice in the matter.
  I don't think it is a question of who has it worse, because when it comes down to it, it is just as bad for one as it is the other, whether it is ourselves or our family, and we all have the right to be angry. Cancer is not a fair disease. It does not care how old or how young we are. It does not care whether we have young children or not. It does not care whether we want to live or not. It just does what it wants.
  The anger side of it is something that is not to often discussed on this forum. Most of us try not to talk about the anger or the fear that we feel but it is something that is there and should be discussed. We cannot always keep it bottled up inside of us. But the most important thing to remember is that we were all brought together for reasons that we do not know and the best thing for all of us is to continue with the love and support we were all looking for when we first came here.
         Chris

[Beachwalker33]

Your so right? We used to talk,what happen.The address misunderstanding,I didn't care.I was so desperate to get her something that showed my appreciation,she helped me so much.I've almost wrote to you a few times.I have been worried about you,and if you have help! I always pray for you! Even if you did refer to me as your favorite lunatic,nice!!!Do I care,no.I do know what this disease does your mindset as well.Anyway,write to me sometime and let me know how your doing....God Bless,Jen

[cath81]

sorry to intrude. i believe what some of the cancer patients meant is that this thread, specifically, is for young women suffering from ovca. but that msg was misunderstood along the way and some caregivers have taken it to mean that they are not wanted in the forum.

i believe that wasn't the intention of the cancer victims/survivors... let's all read carefully before we respond... caregivers can still have their say elsewhere in other threads.

it is a little ironic that for a thread with "anger management" in the title, there hasn't been many suggestions so far abt how to manage anger...