Aa
Need some help
My mother is 57 years old and has had ovarian cancer for 8 years now, in December of 2007 she was started on Gemzar with no response she had a CT scan done in August showing recurrence in liver, bladder and para aortic lymph nodes. She had an appt in Sept with her onco, he started her on Taxotere, her CA125 is ranging from 400 to 500 with no response to Taxotere. Her fourth treatment the onco checked the lymph nodes in her neck and he had a biopsy done that day and came back positive for cancer. She has lost a lot of color, she is looking very pale and she is looking bloated. The onco will not talk to any of the family regarding her care because she will not allow it. She will not let us know anything that is going on with her physically or emotionally, she is scared to die, she has told me but I don't understand why she is alienating us. Please help me and my family to know what to expect to the best of your knowledge from here. I feel that she doesn't have long due to the way she looks. What are some things that I should be looking for to know what is really going on with her physically. She is platnium resistant and had debulking surgery 8 years ago they had to take part of her colon and she had a complete hysterectomy. Mom wants radiation done but is that going to do any good? She has a palpable tumor on her liver. I feel that her liver is giving up. Please help with any information that you may have. Thank You
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Lacey,
How stressful for the whole family. I am reluctant to predict prognosis without more concrete information. However as I think about your family dynamics, I strongly feel that you as a family need to meet with a professional to go over these stresses. You can do this without your mother's permission because a meeting would be for counseling and support for the family. You could also ask your mother directly for permission to set up a meeting with her doctor so that the whole family can understand what she is going through. She may say no and without her permission, you cannot talk with her doctor. One possible way to try is to say that someone needs to be her healthcare proxy and it is important to understand what is going on so that if there is a time when she cannot speak for herself, her proxy will know what her wishes are.
It is a tough situation. Best wishes
How stressful for the whole family. I am reluctant to predict prognosis without more concrete information. However as I think about your family dynamics, I strongly feel that you as a family need to meet with a professional to go over these stresses. You can do this without your mother's permission because a meeting would be for counseling and support for the family. You could also ask your mother directly for permission to set up a meeting with her doctor so that the whole family can understand what she is going through. She may say no and without her permission, you cannot talk with her doctor. One possible way to try is to say that someone needs to be her healthcare proxy and it is important to understand what is going on so that if there is a time when she cannot speak for herself, her proxy will know what her wishes are.
It is a tough situation. Best wishes
Thank you so much for the reply. I am taking your advise, but I am concerned about what is going on with my mother in the medical aspect because she is lying to us, some of the things she says I know are not true but it is a battle trying to figure out what is really going on with her. She had her last round of Taxotere yesterday and she states that the oncologist wants her to have radiation in 5 to 6 weeks. He has also ordered a CT scan to see about the lymph nodes in her abdomen. I have some medical background but I need to know if the lymph nodes in the abdomen cause ascites? There are more lymph nodes in the neck affected and she states the onco says she is doing good, how can that be when everything is pointing to the end of life? or am I wrong? This is such an emotional battle because I want to be there for her but she is making it really hard, she is refusing to spend time with me, she is controlling my dad. He cant even use the restroom without her being in there with him, which is really stressing him. I know you can't tell exactly when someone is going to die, but given the information I have how long would you give her? I really don't think she will be here this spring but one never knows. What do you think is the onco thinking of doing radiation. Sorry for all the questions, I am just stressed and emotionally drained and need some sort of answers.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Lacey,
I am so sad to hear what your family is going through. It is a rough, rough road to watch your mother sicken and to realize that she is going to die. No matter how old you are, it is very traumatic.
People have so many, unique ways of confronting illness and dying. People die as they live - with the same coping skills and philosophy that they use to navigate the world. For you, watching your mother, keep that in mind. For whatever reason, she does not want to share her experience. She may be trying to protect you (it is the one thing she can control, even as she cannot control the disease.).
I do not think the particular medical details are as important for you as the whole experience of trying to figure out how you can be of help and how you are coping with her illness. I think that the circle of grief around someone you love is intense. Consider contacting a support group, chaplain, or social worker as a resource for yourself.
You could try asking your mother what she would be willing to let you help with (meals, being a driver for appointments, house cleaning, bringing home DVDs to watch together, etc)
As far as her medical condition, if her cancer has not responded to several chemo drugs, she is unlikely to benefit from active therapy. Radiation is rarely useful in this setting
best wishes
I am so sad to hear what your family is going through. It is a rough, rough road to watch your mother sicken and to realize that she is going to die. No matter how old you are, it is very traumatic.
People have so many, unique ways of confronting illness and dying. People die as they live - with the same coping skills and philosophy that they use to navigate the world. For you, watching your mother, keep that in mind. For whatever reason, she does not want to share her experience. She may be trying to protect you (it is the one thing she can control, even as she cannot control the disease.).
I do not think the particular medical details are as important for you as the whole experience of trying to figure out how you can be of help and how you are coping with her illness. I think that the circle of grief around someone you love is intense. Consider contacting a support group, chaplain, or social worker as a resource for yourself.
You could try asking your mother what she would be willing to let you help with (meals, being a driver for appointments, house cleaning, bringing home DVDs to watch together, etc)
As far as her medical condition, if her cancer has not responded to several chemo drugs, she is unlikely to benefit from active therapy. Radiation is rarely useful in this setting
best wishes
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