Rookie to Terminal Ovarian Cancer

[Pleading]

Hi, a tumour was discovered in my sister in January - it wasn't until March that it was diagonised as Cancer (aggressive cancer) - in the meantime she had to have a gall bladder operation.  She had 2 rounds of the strongest possible Chemo and now we are told Chemo can no longer continue, they cannot operate and she has 3-6 months to live.  Please help me understand what is in store for my sister - her children are aged between 11 - 26.  We will care for her but the information has not been forthcoming as to what to expect.  Presently tapping is being done on a regular basis.  She lies down for the most part in pain, rubs her fingers a lot and twitching and swollen feet.  The last 5 weeks have been horrific for her - watching her just lying there, drip after drip and intrevenous feeding.  She is going back to a country where the medical care might not be so good but to a very loving family.  If there is anyone out there who can tell me what to expect that would be very appreaciated.  Too much has happened too quickly to a very good mum and we want to to make her life as comfortable as possible.  I fly out tomorrow to be with her so any help you can give me would really be appreciated.

[Helmar]

Hello... First of all I'm very sorry to hear of your sister's situation butI noted that you said your sister 'travelled from a small country to Australia'. Do you know where in Australia, as we have some excellent cancer hospitals and treatment centres here, so I find it difficult to understand why something more can't be done for your sister, if she is able to be treated here. I am an Australian...Stage 4 Ovca since '04 and I've found the treatment here to be comparable to other more advanced countries in the world. I do hope your sister can get another on, or maybe 2 opinions from some of the Oncologists here. I wish you sister all the best, and I hope she can continue to seek treatment. Hugs..Helen...

[crecco]

You are so right in saying it is not fair. I am sorry to hear about your sister amd know this must be very hard for you. But as a few of the others have said, try to find a program similar to hospice in the country where she is. Hospice is a program run by Drs and nurses to make a patients last days as comfortable as possible (and try to keep pain at a minimum if they can)
I do hope that you will be able to find something like this for her. Your sister and her family are in my prayers.
   Chris

[Pleading]

Hi Karen,

I very much appreciate this.  It gives me something to prepare myself  and my sister's family for.  I know this couldn't have been an easy experience for you and I appreciate your sharing with me so soon after you mum's passing.

Thank you and many Fiji hugs.

[Pleading]

Thank you Jan.  I'm sorry you have had to walk the path that I am about to, but worse still her children and husband.

I'm just at my wit ends because I'm going home to spend whatever time my sister has left and at the same time trying to explain to her children what is about to happen realistically.  She is a very strong person, very well educated and I feel really stumped, useless because of the diagnosis.  Sometimes I want to scream it is not fair - so quick, so unfair.

[Searching48507]

My mom just passed a little over a week ago.  The good news was that while she was in discomfort, she really wasn't in any horrible pain until the last 2 - 3 days.  At that point, Hospice provided her with anti-anxiety medication with the Morphine and that did the trick.  Prior to the last week, she was on various oral pain medication and as stubborn as she was, she handled the pain and discomfort.  About 6 days before she passed she was on Morphine shots which kept the pain under control and she knew who we all were and was able to talk and eat.  Then the last couple of days, the pain was really bad and they added the anti-anxiety medication (xanax) and she slept.  I don't want to be graphic, but in the last couple of days while she slept, there was a lot of gurgling sounds from phelm and fluid in her esophagus.  They gave her medication through a port for that and suctioned off what they could.  If her children are going to be around her, they need to be prepared for that and to know that mom is not suffering and that it sounds bad, but she is not in pain.  The nurses and doctor's should be able to help with that.  As the disease progresses, the fluid will continue to build throughout her abdominal cavity and she will bloat.  The care staff will help prepare you for that as well.  My mom's was very agressive and rare (squamous cell).  

I am so sorry that you and your family have to deal with this.  I know that I was blessed to have my mom for 72 years and with it was different for your nieces and nephews.

Prayers,

Karen

[Jan214]

I am sorry that it has come to this for your sister.  The best thing you can do for her is to get her on hospice care.  They can come to her home and make sure she is not in pain.  There are a lot of pain drugs that don't make you sleepy, like Fentany patches, but she will need to be on morphine or something stronger towards the end.  My FIL just died of Pancreatic cancer and he was lucid until the very end, and hospice was  wonderful in helping him control the pain and still being alert to talk with all of us.  Just spend as much time with her as you can and there is a really good book out called "When a Parent has Cancer" and I would strongly recommend it.  Although it takes you from diagnosis through the end, it is very helpful in learning how to talk to children about cancer and what is in store for their mom.  I do understand what they are going through.  My mom died of this horrible monster when I was 7 and my father handled it so poorly, I don't think I will ever get over her passing.  This book has been helpful to us in explaining to our girls what is going on with me.  Hopefully we won't need that last chapter.  I am sorry that your sister does.
Your family will be in my prayers and I hope you all can find some peace with this.
Kindest Regards,
Jan

[Pleading]

Thank you for posting your comments.  My sister is as I type on a flight back home and I am on the first flight tomorrow.  I just needed to know what can be expected.  My sister would not like to be in the state of not being lucid so I guess this was a good decision on her part.  

You know, we think that sometimes that it is an unforgiving world out there and yet within an hour people have taken the time to reach out and help me in a way which right now I'm not sure how to respondto .  So thank you.  

[nyc lady]

Every case is different.....there is a woman that I know of on another website that should have been gone months ago, but, she is still holding on and doing okay....for a friend of mine, it was fast, it was a couple of months of pure downhill slide in her health, pain etc...again, the chemo she received was low dose and helped with the pain, I will tell you for the last couple of weeks, she was not lucid....but maybe that was okay.

I wish there was one answer that we could give that would let you know what to expect.
This isn't easy.

[Pleading]

Thank you for your caring words.  No there is no second opinion to be made - we are stunned.  She were told she could have chemo weekly for the next 2 months but it would be extremely painful and we are told this would make her more sick - same drugs, same outcome.  Apparently the cancer is very agressive - we have gone from March to May with absolutely no hope.  She has travelled from a small country to Australia.  We just want to know what to expect, bleeding, breathing problems (??).  All we have to give her is love and there will be lots of that but it would be nice if anyone out there knows of anyone who has had this agressive type of cancer and what we may face ahead.

Thank you so much for the hugs, we really appreciate that.  Thank you Pam for the quick response.

[nyc lady]

Have you gone for another opinion????  Not that there are alot of options when it comes to treatment, but, a different doctor might be able to find something that will alleviate some of her pain.  I had a friend that in hospice care was on some type of chemo, not to control the disease, but, it did just enough to control the pain.

The best thing you can do for her, is hold her hand, let her talk and tell her that you love her.  

Sending lots of hugs to you and your family....this is a very difficult time for all of you.

Pam