Guidance is requested

[MdntDrmr]

My spouse of 14 years was diagnosed August 19, 2008 with Ovarian cancer, the doctors started her on Chemotherapy the next day. She was in the hospital from August 19-September 21, came home for two days and ended up in ICU because they released her with a host of things going on in her body.

She has not been home since. She is now in a Hospice. She has started talking out of her head to people who are not there and I understand that is the ending coming. We are aware that she will pass soon and stuff like that. What I am looking for is people who have been here and know what I should be looking for as far as what is it like the last DAYS.

The doctor keeps telling me it could be a day or months. This is not helping me. I need to be able to explain to our four year old a little ahead of time. I offer her little things each day about how Mother isn't coming home because mother is too sick.

I am also looking to find out for myself what I am looking at. I keep hearing stuff about looking for discolored hands, feet, etc.. I have also been told to look for blotching of the legs, back and buttocks.

Any help will be appreciated!

[crecco]

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these red tape issues at such a difficult time. I have never heard of a time limit set for hospice. It is normally for those who are terminal with less than 6 months. The local hospital should work with you on this but it does not sound like they have been much help either. Please try to contact a bigger hospital in Atlanta and see what they can do for you. You are dealing with enough right now to be worrying about where your wife can stay. I wish you the very best for both you and your wife, and you and your family are in our prayers.
      Chris

[MdntDrmr]

Thank you each for the words and help. This has really proven hard. I have been through a lot, but this is horrible. Each day I wake up tired from lack of sleep, I go to work, I pick the baby up, I go home, sometimes I eat and then I go to the Hospice.

My wife's insurance company is horrible. She is a state employee and they could care less about them. After 30 days in the hospital, they kicked her out and told her she would need to stay home for 24 hours and then come back. Within that 24 hours she was so bad we eneded up in another hospital in ICU. However, that hospital had to keep her in Emergency as if she was not there for the hours to pass before they could admit her.

Now they are telling me that the national average for a person to be in Hospice is a week and she is at the end of her week. They have given me three days to decide some place I can move her. Because we are Catholic, I have found a place that will allow us to place her there which is a Catholic Home.

Keep us and these issues in your prayers and thoughts.

Thanks again for everything!

[jlock]

What beautiful and touching post especially when you have just lost Leslee...you are so amzing to be reaching out to others during this time....you are special! keeping you in prayer(((hugz)))~~~Joanne

[SimplyStar]

This is hard for me to write  because I just lost my daughter  to OVCA, she was in Hospice also. Let Hospice take care of the needs for your wife, they will keep her comfortable.  Do not look for signs of dying, cherish the moments of living.  Give her all the love you can, hold her hand, stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, talk to her of the happy times you have shared.  Even when her eyes are closed, she will hear you.  God takes us when he is ready, not when we are.  It has been a very short battle for you two, I am so sorry for that. Have your daughter draw some pictures and put them up where your wife can see them.  Make sure that your daughter knows about God and heaven and angels,  You can make this easier for the daughter if you do this. include her in all that you feel comfortable with. If you need help and there is a gramma, get her to help you.  this is a very rough time for us that are left, we must work through many emotions, time will help,  Cry if you must but not around your wife or child. They don't want to leave us, and it makes them sad also,  so your wife may cry also, you must be strong now for her and the daughter.   God Bless you and keep you ,   just be sure and tell your daughter, things will be ok, it will just take time.   Marty

[Texas Grannie]

Oh, my dear, I wish I could help you. How sad for you to lose your wife and your son to lose his Mother. When my brother was sent home for hospice visits, I knew the end was near. He use to tell me how much he hated chemo. He was ready and wanted to go. The only other thing I can offer you is God's love and help. I hope not to offend you. I don't know what your religion, but I never feel God closer or helping me more  than when I really need him. If you are a christian, offer your wife's passing to him and ask for help and guidance for the three of you. If you will allow, I ask God to place a circle of love around the three of you. If you are offended by this, just erase. Texas Grannie