Sex and Ovarian Cancer...

[doicat]

I'm 2 months from surgery with total hysterectomy etc.  Taking my 3rd chemo treatment of carbo/taxol on Monday.  Have absolutely no sex drive and also have not had the best relationship with my husband for many years on the sex side.  Now, after the dx  and surgery he is wanting sex.  I don't know if this is dx has somehow made him realize that he cares for me or some twisted thing.  I know guys are very simple compared to us women and I feel really uncomfortable with this.  Told him tonight that I needed time to deal with my surgery and ovca.  

Hey, if I'd only gone through a hysterectomy...I'd be traumatized,,,feeling my sexual organs had been cut out...add to that the ovca.  The doctors etc. don't even talk about it because it is so trivial compared to the cancer.  I don't want to push him away...this may be a turning point in our 20 year marriage but really having a hard time dealing with everything all together.

Would really appreciate anyone's experiences/thoughts on this.  

[StillFighting]

My husband doesn't pressure me, he understands that if its an on week of chemo dont even ask lol

[Teresa222]

EEEEK! Sex, what's that?
Teresa

[ricaa]

I had a total hysterectomy too in july. I started my chimio in september carbo/taxol/ (6)
My last one is on december . I had the same feeling than you for the sex part, but my
boyfriend felt so "comprehensive about  it". I think your husband wants you to feel like you are still a women even if you do not have anything left. He must love you very much too
to decide to make love to you at this stressful moment. Maybe that is the way for him to show you how much he cares and he does not want you to feel sad or stress about it.
I think you should give him a chance , do not forget that he must feel the same way then you. Cancer is a big thing, i agree, you just have to talk to him and let him know that you feel awful  about your body and you are also very afraid. Maybe he is too. Communication is the best way to deal with this issue . For sure you will have to make ajustment at the beginning but it is worth a try for you and your husband.

good luck and it will be ok . It depens on you. give you both a chance to start again.

[doicat]

Thanks for responding.  I feel that this has to be an issue with many of us but have not seen any posts on it.  I'm so stressed about just getting through the chemo without having another awful allergic reaction to the taxol (which was very scary) and still dealing with the whole cancer thing all together that the losing of my sex organs and the hormonal loss goes on the back burner.  Then to have this additional pressure/stresser from my husband really threw me.  

I agree,,,I look like a holocaust survivor, have an awful huge scar on my stomach, and am not sure how or if I could "do it".  I feel like a freak still getting used to it all.  I don't need this right now.  If we were just girls getting through a hysterectomy, this would be a BIG issue but with the cancer,,it's just pushed aside.  Need to make my husband understand.

[bohan54]

I feel guilty for having NO sex drive whatsoever.  Thankfully my husband is not pressing the issue.  I have ureteral stents from my kidneys to my bladder and he's afraid of hurting me, a very real possibility.  I need to feel attractive to feel sexy and right now I look like a Holocaust victim although hubby always compliments me when I make an effort to look decent.  This is a very important issue, thanks for addressing it.
Sharon