chandon

[chandon]

My Mom is currently in the end stages of Ovarian cancer.  It has spread to her lungs and she has a large mass on her hip.  She was released from the hospital this week with the diagnosis of 2 weeks.  Just wondering what to expect.  This is my families 1st time dealing with this disease.  My Dad is 81 and her primary care giver.  He is in incredible health and mind, but I think he is overwhelmed with the the medications etc.  Any insight would be appreciated.

[wadeover]

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing.  I know the last few months have been very hard and I know you knew you were losing your mom - but when it finally happens it is so difficult.  You and your family filled your mom's life with lots of love and support.  I know that she knew she was loved very much and passed in peace.  I am very glad that she and your dad had that special moment.  She was able to pass knowing that he would be well taken care of and that surely gave her peace of mind.  Please know that you will all be in my prayers.  You will have to be there for your dad as much as possible.  After 56 years of marriage, his life is going to be quite different.  I wish you all the best now and in the future.  

Take Care!
wadeover

[chandon]

My Mother passed away this past Tues. in the middle of the night.  The night nurse was the one to discover her.  It has been VERY hard on our family but we are all close and going through this together.  She had deteriorated so fast and it was getting difficult to see her everyday.  My brother and I were relieved to see her out of misery, but it has been harder for my Dad.  They were happily married for 56 years.   They had one final touching moment the day before she passed and she was able to tell my Dad that she loved him.  He will always have that memory.
My husband and I took my Dad to the beach this weekend and had a great time together talking about Mom.  He had been cooped up in the house for the past 4 monthes, so it was great for him to get out of town.
I appreciate this forum and will continue to read it, because I too am aware that I am at risk.
Chandon

[amy1954]

It will be 7 years this summer since my mom died from ovarian cancer.  When they diagnosed her they told her that she could not be cured it had already spread.  She took chemo for the better part of 2 1/2 years and was able to have a "normal" life until the last three months of her life.  I spent weeks in the hospital with her by her bed side and she had a lot of close calls, where the doctors didn't think she was going to make it through the night.  She fought hard to live for her children and was a real trooper.  She wasn't ready to die but when the time came it was a blessing.  It had spread every where and she was in pain and it was hard watching her.  She told me a few weeks before she died that she didn't want to live if it meant like that.  She passed peacefully and she left a whole in my heart that will never mend.  

Last year at the age of 53 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer too.  Fortunately for me because of my mothers cancer I asked my doctor to have the CA125 blood tests and untra sounds whenever I went for my yearly exams.  I was able to catch it very early.  I had the blood test (BRAC) to see if I had a bad gene and that came back negative.  I have two daughters in their 20's that I worry about now.   Even though there is nothing genetic they still have a higher chance of getting OC too.  

I kept a daily writing of what was happening with my mother.  It helped me talk it out and I look back at it now and wonder how I ever lived through it.  My hearts aches for you and your mother and my prayers will be with you.

Amy

[chandon]

Thank you for your nice and supportive words.  This past week has been a whirlwind.  Dad basically feel apart on Tues. and called my brother and I in to help.  He had no sleep from the night before and was just lost.  We stayed all day and I was there all day Wed.  We now have a night nurse coming in every day and that has helped immensely.  Hospice is involved but they are only there for alittle while in the morning.  They gave mom 2 days on Tues, but my Mom is one of the strongest woman I know and after 56 years of marriage, is just not ready to leave my Dad.  We are now taking it day to day.  We all spending as much time with her as we can to make sure she know how much is is loved.  She's very unresponsive, but every once in awhile, we will get a hint of recognition.
Again Thank-you for all the nice thoughts.  This is a horribly tough time and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Chandon

[Annekathryn Goodman, M.D.]

Dear Chandon,
I am so sorry  for what you and your family are going through. I agree with the warm and wonderful comments from wadeover and tubacgal.  

Hospice can be very helpful. It can be very comforting to have a nurse come in and valdiate yoru experience and give good , practical advice about symptom management.

It is really important that many friends and family members are available to take turns helping. It is incredibly fatiguing. I have seen many families not sleep for weeks. So your job is to take care of your Dad.

my thoughts and prayers are with you

[tubacgal]

I think the medications and the diagnosis would be enough to overwhelm anyone.  I admire your dad for trying to manage this.  You didn't say whether or not Hospice is involved in your mom's care; if they are not and that is an option for your family, I highly recommend they be involved.  I am a retired nurse and I have helped care for several friends and family members during the end stages of cancer.  Hospice was always such a big help to me and to the family.  Writing down the medications and the times for each is good as is wadeover's idea of flipping over the bottles when the med is done for the day.  At this point, keeping your mom as comfortable as possible should be the main goal.  She will tell you all what she does and doesn't want.  My prayers are with your mom and her family.

[wadeover]

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's condition.  I know that you are all devastated by this horrible disease.  My mother is the first person in our family to have cancer and we are just doing the best we can to keep up with everything.  My mom is 72 and my dad is 74.  He is doing his best to keep up with all the meds and food requirements.  He has found that writing down a schedule of meds and following it each day helps.  Also, when she has finished a particular medication for the day he flips it over and stands it on the lid so he knows that one is done for the day.  There have been many days he has been overwhelmed with everything happening and my sister and I try to help all we can.  But he is very independent and tries his best to keep up with everything.  Mom is just in her first time around with chemo and is almost finished (thank goodness).  She is getting good results, so I hope dad can take a break while she is in remission.  I will be praying for you and your family.  Knowing you have such a short time with your mom must be difficult.  Keep strong and just be there for her and your dad all you can.