virtual memorial for Becky and Deandra all welcome

[SimplyStar]

The loss of two of our courageous friends has caused a pall to fall on the forum, but we must remember who they were and what they taught us.  They have left us with heavy hearts, but more than that , they left us with lessons well learned in courage.  I felt drawn to both of them because they were both so young, at 80, I have lived a full life,  but these two were denied that chance.  What i saw was a desire from both,  to grab every little bit of life they could manage, not only for themselves but for their loved ones.  They never gave up in the fight to live,  they involved themselves in creating memories for  those they knew would be left behind , should they have to go. Becky for her young son and Deandra for the love of her hubby.  To have shared their lives, even through the net, has been an honor for me, they shared their strength to me when my daughter was loosing her battle,  I have stayed connected to the forum because of women like these two,  they were always there for us, now it is our duty  to them to carry on in their names.  We were all blessed too have known them.  May God grant them the best heaven has to offer and may their families find peace in knowing what remarkable women they were.   Marty from Iowa

[tortoise221]

I only shared a few private messages with Becky, but I followed her story and posts over the last 3 years or so.  I know it sounds silly, but I felt like I knew her and I too was in tears when I heard she died.  I found this forum during a difficult time in my life.  Just after my dad died of cancer I learned I had some rather creepy looking cysts on my ovaries and of course, after my experience with my dad I thought I had cancer. I came here looking for advice on my upcoming tests.  I was very depressed.  The way Becky lived inspired me to push through and get back into life.  There were so many times that I would be scared about some health issue and then I would remember how strong, determined and full of life Becky was and that would give me the strength and inspiration to push through.   I just wanted to say that I was truely inspired by Becky and the way she lived.  She was a beautiful person and the world is a better place because she was in it.

[Moms4tne]

I just have to say that I sought out this forum after reading about all of you in the "bulletin" prepared for Becky's funeral on Friday.  It was held at my church and I was there.  Like many of you, I never had the privilege of meeting Becky - even though she lived in my town and her family attends my church.  But, as a result of how her family chose to celebrate her life (see Video tribute from the funeral that someone posted here in the past hour), and the depth of love for her both at home and here online, I have no doubt she was an amazing woman.  What I wanted to share with you is how apparent it is to me that all of you are equally amazing.  I almost feel like an intruder here because I am not facing anything close to what you all face on a daily basis - but through the eyes of an "outsider" I want you to understand that the love, support and encouragement you share with each other shines through and it's a very rare thing indeed.  I'm sure that both Becky & Deandra cherished every one of you.  I feel blessed to have had this small peek into such an amazing group, united together through pain and suffering as well as life, hope and love.  I promise I will pray for all of you.  The best part is that Becky and Deandra will always be part of you, always pulling for all of you, and would want you to know there is Life and Hope beyond all of this.  God bless you all.

[ireneo]

I was wondering about that with the square I'm working on for Becky. Just not sure where to squeeze it in. Or make a "map" of the squares showing who made which one.

Are we going forward with quilts for Deandra and Linda? Who will assemble them?

irene

[gah_70]

Cheryl, do you have an ink-jet printer?  You can get iron-on transfer paper for it if you do and actually print off the CL logo onto it, then simply iron it onto a quilt square. You could do the same with a picture of your purple hydrangeas.

Do you all think we could put our initials on our squares, even if it is with a Sharpie?

Gail

[MH Community Mgr]

Hi,

I have beautiful purple hydrangeas in my front yard.  I will take a photo and upload on my profile ... I *think* the color of the hyrdrangeas has to do with the acid in the soil .. they range in color from white to deep purple with shades of pink inbetween.  A quilt square of a purple hydrangea it is for Deandra - and a purple CL pinwheel for Becky.

Link to beautiful purple hydrangeas for Deandra:  http://www.medhelp.org/user_photos/show/152016?personal_page_id=2742

Cheryl

[Flicka0459]

I think adding some purple color in the quilt for Deandra would be a lovely tribute.  I wanted to share with you what I saw at church on Saturday.  As I was sitting there praying the rosary for both our angels I happened to look up at the alter flowers and noticed the most vivid purple hydrangea arrangement.  I have never seen hydrangeas that purple before. I alway see the light blueish purpleish color but never that deep color.  In fact we hardly ever have purple in our arrangements on the altar.  I immediately thought of Deandra and started to cry.  Of course Dave didn't understand what was happening until I explained.  He won't admit it, but he had tears in his eyes too.  He said it was the air conditioning.  Air conditioning my foot.

Lisa

[Mary 53]

I would just like to say that the love and concern that comes through all of the posts regarding the recent deaths of our forum members and their families is heartwarming to say the least.

Pam, when I read of your struggle to find something purple to wear on Saturday, I smiled through my tears and I love that you posted this. You KNOW that both Deandra and Becky would get a kick out of this... you know that! That's the thing... did we ever dream it possible that through the Internet we could develop such bonds; such friendships. On my profile page it states I've been a member since 2005, but I know I dropped by as early as (dare I say) 2003... I knew there was something special about this place that made me return again and again. I know if I'm away for awhile, I will return to find the same strengths that drew me to this site in the first place.

The Ovarian Cancer Patient to Patient forum is one of the oldest (if not one of the origional) forums on MedHelp. I have seen so many changes and I've witnessed so much sadness when women fighting this battle pass away. I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say except that I am so impressed with with the spirit with which the forum is run...the generosity of the women and men who respond to the posts knows no bounds.

Cheryl, I'm quite sure that Becky would be touched by your offer regarding the quilt. Your quick responses to the posts regarding the recent deaths has demonstrated to me that you're really here for the forum members. Thank you for that.

Sincerely,

Mary

[MH Community Mgr]

Hi,

Do you think Becky would like a Community Leader Purple flower for her quilt? I'm not really too good @ sewing at all, but maybe I can somehow take the image and through the PC, transfer it to fabric and mail it to somebody who can turn it into a quilt square for me?

Cheryl

[nyc lady]

maybe I could somehow make those panties into a square?????  

[ireneo]

Hey, that would make a funny quilt square - one with purple panties appliqued on the block.

[gah_70]

Oh, and Pam, I really think Deandra would see the humor in your purple panties!  I'm sure it added some comic relief on a day she needed some!

Gail

[gah_70]

Deandra was co-owner of a hair salon, so some of her squares could have styling impliments on them.  

Irene, I was thinking the other day that I hope we are not offending Deandra's friends because we seem to talk about Becky a little more.  But most of us did know Becky better, and in the last year and a half, Deandra pulled away from the forum somewhat.  I understand completely why.  She had a wedding to plan, and a life to get out there and live...and I think the loss of Jan hurt her, as well.  But we are in no way saying one loss was greater than another.  They are both just as tragic, and each loss puts a hole in our hearts.  

I remember a PM conversation I had with Deandra at the time of her recurrence that haunts me.  She was so scared, and I tried to reassure her that it would be okay.  She'd fought it into remission once before, and she would do it again.  It just goes to show that our "job" here a lot of the time is to build each other up.  It also goes to show how sneaky, nasty, and evil ovarian cancer is.  It is a bully that doesn't play fair, and we've lost too many women because of it.  I will keep Deandra in my heart as that beautiful bride walking on the beach in Maui, hand in hand with Luke...both of them so in love, they're glowing.

We all felt so close to Becky because we each had our own relationship with her.  I know several of us mailed her things, and talked with her outside the forum.  She allowed us into her life to the point that we felt her tears of joy right along with her tears of pain.  As much as she went through, she kept right on going (does anyone even have a clue how many surgeries she had?) until her body couldn't go any longer.  She truly is my hero because I don't know if I could endure all she had to endure, and still keep a smile on my face even part of the time.  I know we're all thinking about Tyson, too.  We wonder who will raise him, and will they make sure Becky is still a big part of his life.  We know the answer is yes, but through it all, her main concern was always Tyson having to grow up without her.  I think her family will do their best, and he's going to grow into a young man who will make Becky so proud!

I'm going over to my mom's house this afternoon to dig through her quilt scraps.  I'm not that great of a sewer, but I'll do my best to do something that will honor them both!

Gail    

[SimplyStar]

Heidi,  what size square are you thinking about, I would like to do one for each of the girls.  Marty

[ireneo]

I would like to do a square for Deandra too although I don't feel like I knew her very well. We could have lots of shades of purple in it.  :-)

[justscore]

They were the most amazing women!!! I wish I could be half as strong as they were!

I am excited about the quilt project!  I would be honored to make one for Deandra as well.  They will be missed but NEVER forgotten!!!!

PEACE!!!
Heidi

[ireneo]

I'm working hard on a quilt square for Becky's quilt. I'm so excited about it and I'm pleased with the way it's turning out. Becky will never see it but I want it to be perfect for her.

I was in the same boat with the purple clothing. I finally went to the store and bought a bright purple t-shirt with all kinds of happy things on it. Made me smile a bit. I bet Deandra would have loved it.

Marty - that's what drew me to these women, the fact that they were so young and should have been enjoying their youth, not facing chemo and nausea. I'm 57 and I've also lived a full life, done so many things, been so many places. It just doesn't seem right some how. Not that my life is less valuable but they should have had the chances I've had to make the memories.

[nyc lady]

I remember first meeting Becky and then Deandra on this forum....and I remember thinking that they are too young for this disease.....but, cancer knows no age.  Both of these women taught me all about courage....I will miss them both very much!!!!

Today, Deandra's family wanted everyone to wear purple as it was her favorite color....I searched high and low, the only purple thing I could find was panties....I wore them proudly....and must admit, everytime I went potty today....I thought of you all.

Love - Pam - NYC