I'm So Scared..., Please Help!!!

[JessicaRabbitt]

I am a 30 year Mother of one.  I have sufferered through the Suicide of my Uncle and My Father.  I was also molested several times as a child.  Before my Father's Death I witnessed some horrific things, ie: him holding a shotgun to my mother's head, coming home drunk and smashing everything we own, having to be awkened in the middle of the night to talk him off a bridge, the list goes on and on.  I never received any type of counseling for this as a child, which now I'm thinking I probably should have.  So before I had my daughter I had panic attacks but not depression or anything.  In 2002 I gave birth to my daughter, and right after that my world seemed to have come crashing down...,MENTALLY!!!  I had PPD so bad that I ended up in the ER of our local hospital, I was having horrific visions and everything.  They finally put me on Zoloft and I was doing okay until I last April when I felt I just didn't need them anymore so I stopped taking them.  So I was fine until about 2 weeks ago.  I was sitting at work and I had a really bad panic attack.  Later that night I was carrying my 6 year old daughter up to bed and I was having those horrific visions again.  It was aweful.  I went to the local ER again where I was diagnosed with PTSD as well as Major Depressive Disorder.  They put me on Zoloft and Abilify, as well as Vistiral for my panic attacks.  So here's where I'm concerned, because I haven't felt this low in years.  Am I going to be okay?  With me feeling like this and the Abilify Side effects as scary as they are I just need some reassurance.  I forgot how scary this was.  I'm not really sleeping or eating.  I've lost 20lbs in one week.  Does anyone have any advice?  Has anyone ever been through this?  Please help!!!

[teko]

Unfortunately, our past is part of who we are. We cannot escape the reality of it. What we can do is develop coping skills. Those might be different for each of us. Meds helped me get to a place where I could understand what I needed to do. It sounds like 100mg of zoloft is quite high.Educate yourself and be aware of possible side effects as the meds build up in your system. Good luck and keep us posted

[margypops]

Possibly this is an individual choice in the end and some need to be on the Meds , I personally have been better on the Natural  stuff, I had a lot of side effects anyway. on prescibed drugs.

[margypops]

I guess you do what I and a million others do we come to forums and chat to folks and take supplements and mostly we Endure, I do believe that it gets better ,may regress at times, on the whole time does help, I was made worse by prescribed medication, I have been better by taking nothing but Supplements and talking and reading about it..

[frustrated431]

what if you dont have insurance then what do you do if you cant pay to see the doctor?

[margypops]

I found berrigirl's advice excellant , the mixture of all help sounds good,the piece about our thoughts invaluable, I have found in my battle, it is my thoughts that get in my way but  I can let them go, I have made a habit of dwelling on a problem or a worry for a few mins, and then I say  to myself "Stop" and I conciously let go, I find distraction helps a lot. and I ground myself by doing something ,anything.I am also working on getting my sense of Humour going about any trivial annoyance.

[AnnaE]

PTSD cannot be overcome through time, mind control, etc. Therapy, sometimes combined with medication, is essential. Also, the more genuine, long term support that one has, also increases therapeutic benefits. Exercise and nutrition are also therapeutic, as are relaxation exercises, journaling, and reading literature by/about other survivors' healing. Group therapy can be an excellent support to individual therapy, so that we can witness the healing of others and know that we are normal and that we have had normal reactions to horrific experiences.

PTSD survivors no longer need to feel that therapy is not obtainable, sue to expense. There are a wealth of therapeutic opportunities for everyone. I will post a resource guide on the Health Pages here. Click on "Health Pages." I will have it available by tomorrow evening.

[margypops]

So dont forget to come back and let us know how you are getting on thats what these Forums are all about its us giving our input ,and getting help inreturn   , and whilst Therapy may be useful to anyone who can afford it, the experiences of others is invaluable.

[berrigrl]

I am a predoc psychologist and also had a very traumatic childhood and was raped in my first year of grad school. I am on this site as I use the tracker here as it is a great tool, but I have never posted; however, I happened to see your post and my heart went out. Those of us with childhood trauma are at greater risk for developing PTSD later in life, or more accurately complex PTSD, as there are multiple traumas. Therapy, exercise, relaxation techniques and support are more likely to help you in the long run. While medication may assist, there just isn't any magic pill to take away your childhood and you almost need to look at this like work to get healthy. Just breathe and remember you are not your thoughts or your emotions, they are only thoughts and emotions, they are not you. And try to get a therapist if you can, a good one, not just someone who will charge you to listen to your woes, but who has tools to help you overcome.

[margypops]

Great to hear from you and you got some help, its a relief isnt it to know people understand and have gone through similar issues.You will definatly have good advice to give, we are survivors and I have beeen helped in so many ways when I found there was a place to go to where no one knew you, unless you wanted them to.,and be able to ask for help and unload and know someone else knew what the heck you were talking about, Family cant even do that at least mine coud'nt and anyway I have made aton of good friends a nd a few Foes that are also part of myt life... Chat with you soon...

[JessicaRabbitt]

I want to Thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.  Your kind words and consoling efforts have truly made an impact.  Well, here I am week 2 of my nightmare.  I did go to the ER Friday Afternoon, and finally saw someone.  It was a relief just talking with them.  They diagnosed me with PTSD as well as Major Depressive Disorder.  They gave me a prescription for Abilify 5mg, Zoloft 100mg and Vistril.  I have an appointment Thursday for my intake and then we'll start counseling from there.  It does seem like the meds are finally kicking in.  Which is a huge relief for me.  I wasn't sure I could handle much more.  I think there's some confusion about when I went off my Zoloft.  I stopped taking my Zoloft last April, so I have no clue why for so long I was doing fine and then BOOM I'm a mess again.  Any ideas?  Thanks for the advice.  I hope one day I have the chance to repay you with some advice of my own.  When I'm feeling a little better of course!!!  Please just pray for me to get well, I really need all the support I can get right now.  Thank you and God Bless!!!  Jessica

[JKJ]

Hi...
I'm so sorry to hear how you are suffering so with your PTSD.  I have it as well and have had it for over 15 years.  Meds alone will usually not help as there is no "cure" for PTSD....but there are ways to learn to live with it.  I myself have found therapy....lots of talking to be the most helpful.  If you can find a good therapist, one who specializes in PTSD...that might be even more beneficial to you.

One thing they (therapists) will tell you is to journal.  Get it out...don't keep all of those feelings stuffed inside.  Write it down, talk a walk, punch a pillow,.....find a SAFE release!!

I could go on forever....I have to run and get a kid from school right now...hope you check in and let us know how you are doing...take care...

[margypops]

How you doing jessica come back and let us know hope you are feeling somewhat better , the panic probably came from stopping the Meds so hopefully as each day passes you will be feeling better ,there is other stuff out there that can help you cope if you have a heathfood store there are many suppements, some folks have found 5HTP and Sam-E good and helpful and they dont have the side effects drugs do.

[CG24]

I have PTSD also.  My problem is with loud unexpected sounds - from fireworks to a kitchen pot hitting the floor.  My husband died in a terrible car accident 12 years ago on his way home from work.  I was not with him but I began to imagine the crash and the sound.  I feel I am lucky that this is the only symptom of PTSD I have - in that it subsides a few seconds after the unexpected sound.  Since PTSD is diagnosed more in today's world there are some great people in this field to help.  Finding someone who specializes in this might be a good idea.
All the best.

[margypops]

Hang in there jessica, we are here and will listen , you have had a hard time, and it must have been worse when you were a child and trying to understand ,I too have been through similar Trauma, and I have come through it, I have found that I now accept what happened in my Family when I was a child,and it wasnt my fault it was them,, I wasnt in control of their behavior.It is possible that the Meds you have been on have triggered this reaction, and once your body is free and clear you will be okay, did you come off them cold turkey as really better to do it very slowly and under supervision.You have my reasurrance it will be okay soon,distract yourself and keep very busy, not easy I know but you can do it...Dont let your thoughts take over, when you feel your self worrying and obsessing, do it for a few mins then tell yourself "Stop" no more and dont go there , if you do this each time it will become a habit.Think of anything ground your self, it really does work , make it a pointnthat you are going to over come those negative feelings your thoughts arte causing, Let us know how you are doing and come vback to tell us more about your self..//