been diagnosed with p.t.s.d since age 12

I am 26 years old have been living with this horrible disease is what i call it because it never goes away, the nightmare, the intimacy issues with my husband when bein sexual, with him i have flash backs i was raped for years, molested , beaten, I had blocked alot out and it resurfaces, even by a smell, a simple, gesture from someone can trigger my anziety and panic attacks, i am a loner because of what i have endured but a survivor in many ways, im still in counseling and on medication, so when people say that it goes away i dont see how there is no magic pill or therapist to make it vanish, so those who say it last so n so long where did u get ur help? seriously not being rude its horrble day to day is a struggle, i journal, I see a therapist weekly. Just when i think im better something triggers memories and im back to ground zero. just an curious person wondering how someone can put a date on how long this lasts? sad, angry, confused

[MYoungAtHeart]

Hello and welcome to the PTSD Group....I am not a doctor, nor do I take medications, but I thought I would say a few things and then move on out of the way for the other members to reply to your post.

I like to call PTSD the gift that keeps on giving, and giving and giving...
Just when you catch a glimpse of what may work with your treatment, something else pops up that concerns the PTSD and maybe carries it off onto a whole nother branch of the tree....

I follow more of a spiritual path that includes meditation and have a few tapes on mindfulness meditation and Zen and Buddhist Spirituality....I certainly would never tell any Survivor that in a certain amount of time they will be free from the symptoms, that is personal to every person who suffers from this illness...

Good luck to you and hope to talk with you again...

M

[drifter0213]

it is true PTSD doesn't go away like taking a pill and having a simple headache go away i take anti-depressants anti-anxiety meds and something for sleep i also pray about my addictions to alcohol when i got back home from overseas all i wanted to do was drink im 18 months clean write down in a journal your triggers and avoid them :)

[ibaibez]

It never goes away, all I can say is the only reason I am alive is because of love, it has taken an immense amount of love and suffering to be where I am today (in which I still cry often and have issues going to sleep but I do not do anything to hurt myself anymore).  I have found when I let myself suffer through some of the pain and I cry for hours on end and scream as well, when I let myself hurt so deep for so long AND DO NOT do anything to hurt myself, after much suffering I feel an immense amount of love.  Our minds are fragile, and we are sacred beautiful beings and being USED and ABUSED does damage that we may not be able to fully fix, but we can protect our children with our knowledge.  It will always be a work in progress, and the person that hurt you never had the right to screw your life, I truly wish all people who will hurt others in such a way could all die so people could live lives without so much suffering, why do I get to be messed up my whole life over someone elses sadistic issues?  But I have found that love is my strongest advocate to overcome pain, I find love by raising my children and making selfless choices, I use to use negative coping techniques but I learned they only dug a deeper hole, but when I learned being selfless and doing kind things for others brought me joy and love it worked much better, your subconscious unfortunately is not something you can control when you get triggers, when I get triggers I just try to suffer through the pain, focus on the positive, that helps too, its so much easier to focus on the negative but remember you are a survivor, you have children and are overcoming, you are strong to be where you are today, dont forget that

Also, our society does not promote nutrition therapy, if you get a chance on netflix watch food matters, it doesnt help to boost your mood through nutrition, it wont help with triggers but it has helped me feel better in the days.  

I wish you the best and hope you know there are people in the world who care and want so badly people like me and people like you to overcome and even if we can not fully conquer because of the subconscious we can at least give it one hell of a try and live life to the best we can given the circumstances, no one deserved to be hurt and traumatized, still makes me so mad!  Anyways, best of luck

[MYoungAtHeart]

I just wanted to comment a little on your post....I too changed my diet.  Gave up most processed foods and all sugar.  That has kept me from all the highs and lows that carbs and sugar can cause....I also think that with the wonder of the internet, we ourselves can go and investigate food sites, and health sites...and make recipes and food choices that way.

I too had thought that if an offender would just die, I would certainly be healed, be brought back to wholesomeness and have a good life...I now realize that my mind and my thoughts don't care if the offender is dead or alive. The incident happened and even while dealing with the anger and sadness realize that now the problems are mine.  They are mine to run with, to recover from or to totally ignore.  The problem is that sooner or later the body gives up certain clues that not all is well and a life long depression can and does in many cases cause some forms of cancer.
If I want the best possible future, I will take care of the present, make peace with the past and move along with my little kit of tools and meditations.  

Yes, I can tell you are very angry.  I can tell that you are full up with the anger and want to purge it all but don't trust anyone, not even yourself.  I don't know what your plan to recover should be, but anger is a very very
strong emotion that usually hides the soft underbelly of us who are afflicted with PTSD.  And in that soft underbelly is the same place that we swore we would never ever not ever never trust anyone again with.....

I wish you the very best in your journey

Blessings to you

M