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marine with possible ptsd???
my husband is a marine. he was in iraq for 9 months and saw some terrible things. i don't know what because he refuses to talk about them. he still wakes up at night in a cold sweat screaming and crying. after that the only thing i can do to even come close to comforting him is just hold him and tell him it's ok. since he's been home (he got out in october) he's been getting angrier and angrier. every little thing sets him off. and it's not just him being mad and storming off or yelling. he screams, yells and throws things. he punches holes in walls and breaks doors. thing is he wasn't like this before he went to iraq. prior to his deployment he was a sweet, loving and caring man. never raised his voice to me. he never even got mad at me. i have a bit of a memory problem. when i was 18 i was in a horse riding accident and have permanent memory issues. now if i forget something instead of him being understanding like he used to be he screams at me. telling me how stupid i am and what not. i don't know exactly what the symptoms of ptsd are.....but could his anger issues be from that? and if it is ptsd...or even if not does anyone have any suggestions to help me convince him to go to counseling? or get help for it.
Yes I do believe he needs to get some help and counselling as his anger is so great, they will know how to help him , you are not alone a lot of wives are dealing with the same thing, he has been uded to a violent society by virtue of his job and it will take time, start of with his Doctor with these extreme symptoms he will know what to do immediatly. I am sorry it is very hard for you , get some help and he will be okay eventually.
that's just it he won't go to a doctor. he claims that he doesn't have a problem. even after he has me in tears or our boys in tears from scaring them when yelling at me he doesn't say he has a problem. he'll say he's sorry and that's it. i'm just at my wits end and i don't know how to get him to admit he has ptsd or whatever and needs help.
Have you family or friends he could talk to, as you say doesnt want to talk about all the trauma with you, sometimes they need another man to unload .It is hard when our guys comeback and they are used to the adrenilin pumping , being allert all the time, then all of a sudden they come home to quiet and nothing happening , and its a big downer even though he has you its quiet ,and there is no drama and no trauma. I have heard men say they want to go back and its nothing to do with wanting to be away from you,or his Family its as simple as missing all the action..Meanwhile see if you can get him to talk to some other man, and leave him alone by that I mean be around ,but let him think it through, be quietly supportive, have you got some girl friends maybe someone whose husband has been through something similar, as this is hard for you aswell, you could go and ask someone what you can do to help, I believe you have the support of psychologists, you need advice how you can further help him , Good luck I hope he gets some help soon.
Come back to talk here, there will be others with input and it will help you to speak it out to .us.
ask ur spouse to visit a doc just once.just for u.u can use some dialogues.
dere must b some colleagues of his.dey myt b of little help.
dere must b some colleagues of his.dey myt b of little help.
no mary non of my other friends have bf's, fiances or husbands who are military. my grandma did. my grandfather was a marine for 12 years. and so was my uncle. he was a marine for 8 years. i'd ask greg to talk to them but they've both passed on. as for friends....most if not all of his friends are now marines. and they're stationed all over the world. he does still talk to a bunch of them on the phone and through myspace or aim. the friends he had in high school have moved on either out of state for college or lost touch like most high school friends do. and most of my friends husbands and bf's are....actually total a**holes to greg because he IS a marine. one of them and his friend started a fight with him...it was a mess. that's another reason i'm so desperate to get him into counseling or to therapy or just something that can help him. i don't think he wants to go back. he never said or acts like he does.
fary...he won't go to counseling. i've been asking him to and he says he doesn't need to.
fary...he won't go to counseling. i've been asking him to and he says he doesn't need to.
So you will be supportive of him and distract him when he is having a hard time, will he go out at all what does he do with his day,are you with him or are you working, I am assuming hes on leave, Does he use the PC and watch TV ,go to movies,would it be possible to tell him you have come here to talk to others who have been through and are going through Trauma, would he like to chat anyone.
he's actually out of the marines now. he served his 4 years and is now on 4 years inactive duty. he's not working yet. he's looking but with the economy it's been hard for him to find a job. i'm not working. i am with the kids all day. he doesn't go out. we've gone out for dinner (2 hours max) 3 times in the past 6 1/2 months. he says now that we have kids we don't need to go out. he does use the computer, watches tv, plays video games, watches movies. i haven't told him i'm asking for help from others. if he knew...he'd probably blow a gasket. he's not really one to....ask others for help or to "spread his business". he's a very independent person. he doesn't talk when he's upset. if i try to talk to him he gets even more angry and causes a fight. so i tend to let him go when he's on his tirades and talk to him afterward. which is pointless because he avoids the questions and talks about other things. so i let him talk about the other things hoping if it keeps his mind off of what made him mad he'd be more calm and rational.
I know what you mean exactly I also have one similar.this is a tough one to crack isnt it , he's got to accept the way he is and want to get better or it will continue, I know ,you seem to handle it as best you can and thats the way to go, walk away from the confrontation, and it'll quietn down.I will Pm you as this thread will get very long , othes may havr some input .
My childrens dad was a Marine, in Vietnam. He is 64 years old and still refuses to talk about it to any degree. Your husband probably feels like it is a sign of weakness to go for help. After all, he was/is a marine and they are taught to not be weak! Tell your husband he needs to go to the doctor and see about getting help for his anxiety, do not mention the war, instead use the econemy, inability to find a job, stress in general. Then the doctor can hopefully help him see, that he does have a problem and there is help for it, if he will accept it. He will never be able to forget the things he has experienced, but can learn to cope. Coping is not punching holes in the walls. My heart goes out to you.
it would be easy if he actually talked about things like a calm rational adult....but...like you said he's a marine. he's the most stubborn man alive.
i'll have to try and use the economy and stress thing as a therapy lure...hopefully he'll at least give it a go. i have a feeling he won't because..."he's a marine damnit" *sigh* i love that he's a marine but hate it at the same time.
i'll have to try and use the economy and stress thing as a therapy lure...hopefully he'll at least give it a go. i have a feeling he won't because..."he's a marine damnit" *sigh* i love that he's a marine but hate it at the same time.
let him know dat u r a marine's husband.u can get angry as well.did u ever try it?wen i suspect dat my brother wil get mad at me i use preemptive strike to ward off any such threat
oh no no no. i don't get angry with him. that just makes him even madder and makes the fights 10 x's worse. i've gotten mad before. not anymore.
I found that also heather, now I simply back off and get on with my life , I found if I argued back it escallated the situation, so why do that to your self, I will stand up to him if he threatens me, but if its simply an arguement, I walk away...
i actually lost my temper tonight with him during one of our fights and it was the worst it's ever been. he actually hit me. he's never done that before. it was hard but not hard. open handed and on the arm right below my shoulder. i think i was more shocked then anything. i just looked at him with this disgusted look and started crying. i went into our bedroom and he came in. he tried to hug me but i just pushed him away and told him not to touch me. he started crying. i felt horrible. so ....i held him instead. i think he's starting to realize he has a problem. the fight started tonight because "i'm to motherly" to our 6 month old sons. i looked at him and said well that's because i'm their f*$%ing mother!!! i don't think he understands the stress i'm under from the sh!t he does. him not helping with the kids or around the house, his attitude, anger and everything. it's finally taking it's toll on me. and i just lost it tonight. up until he hit me i was screaming at him.
Time has come to get tough Heather, have to get him to seek help this may be the point if he is showing remorse when you tell him you will leave if he doesnt get help..this wont be the last time he strikes you if he doesnt get help, this is that defining moment, "Get help or I go"tell him, he needs to get cracking and get a job aswell, anything will do hes in the house too much needs to be filling his mind with positive thought. Be tough on him and let us know if he will go for help..
i'll let you know. i'm going to sit him down and have a talk with him tonight.
Excellant Heather say it as it is ,this behavior will affect your children I know I had it when I was a child...
let him know dat psychological disorders are same as other health prblms are.say hepatitis.psychologicaly ill person is not mad.dis is a wrong concept
I agree totally with margypops. She is telling it like it is. Once someone hits and gets away with it, it will happen again. He is obviously out of control and you cannot allow yourself or your children to be in his path of anger. Tell him to get help or get out! and mean it! Would you have held him if he had hit your baby instead of you? No! So do not tell him it is ok even for a second for hitting you! You do not deserve that. Now is the time to force him to see someone and get help, if he does not, you will have to face the fact that you cannot change him.
well i sat him down and told him that he either got help or he got out. he was mad at first but....i stood my ground. i told him that i was NOT going to have my children raised in a hostile environment and if he didn't like that i was loving, mushy and a motherly mother then....he can get out. i'm not changing how i act towards my children and i'm not going to put up with him yelling and hitting me anymore. he just looked at me. was mad. but said ok. so we'll see if he does it or not. if he doesn't i'll call, make an appointment and make him go. he won't have any excuse not to go then.
ya but remember he needs ur help.dont abandon him.but at da same tym let him know dat he aint suffering alone.i hope he'll b fine
Thats good news Heather makes you feel better ,so give him the benefit of the doubt ,get him to make that appt ASAP or it could get put aside, sounds like you handled it well, good you are at the helm he needs direction as he feels so bad, once he gets help everything will improve, he will feel a relief in being to unburden himself .
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