I don't even know how to phrase this into a question. Lately I have been having "flashbacks" of my childhood. When I was 11 I went to another state to visit my real dad for a week. I went by myself and stayed with him and his wife. Here's where it gets tricky.. I remember on the first night waking up in bed with them and they were watching a "dirty" movie.. I can't remember alot of what happened when I was there. I remember getting bit by his dog, I remember being in the shower afterwards to wash off the blood but I can't remember if I was by myself! I'm scared something happened that I blocked out. My mom told me that I came home different. My dad stopped writing and calling after I went back home. Him and his wife got divorced, he told my mom it was because of me. Normally I wouldn't wonder, but this is something that is bothering me. I was very promiscous as a teenager and I always went for older men. I feel crazy for questioning if something this evil was done to me by my real father but it just doesn't make sense why he would disappear after my trip. He went so far as to move to Hawaii! Am I just going crazy or do I have a reason to question this?
My wife was sexually abused as a child with full memory of the abuse and has, just this month, began counseling to deal with it. It has taken me 5 years to persuade her to go and I, having no medical education and unable to help, besides love and emotional support, am very glad she has. The abuse has affected our lives for the 12 years we've been together and, from what I can gather, affected her entire life.
It has been very difficult for her as it entails much more than just the abuse but we both feel that it will be helpful for her to openly discuss this with someone, a professional, as I'm the only person she has ever told.
I, without knowing you but being the spouse of someone in a similar postion, would definately suggest that you do seek the answer. If it is not what you suspect then no harm is done. If it is what you expect then you are in the care of professionals who are trained in helping you work through it.
Hope this helps.
Itchi