Having a break down

[jamlws]

I am losing the battle here. I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me, like I told my PCP went I called them they dont even have to call me back, I don't want to waste anymore of their time, you don't even have to reply to this post. I just need to get stuff off my chest here.
I am crying and in pain, I am doing my best to hide it from my kids but they know what is going on. I am getting weak and all I want to do is sleep and I can't even do that cause of the pain. I called my PCP this morning and told them i am just giving them a update they don't have to call me back i have already wasted enough of their time. I told them about me getting into see the pain dr on the 20th and how my daugthers birthday is this weekend that is why i have tried so hard to eat so i could be strong for her birthday but that isn't happening either. So I will either be in the hospital getting fluids in my body by IV or be in bed on her birthday. My PCP nurse called back and told me to go to the ER to get some help and I told her that isn't a option, I am depressed enough I don't need to go there and get treated like a drug seeker cause we all know that is what they do. She said they can put fluids in my body and give me a few days of pain meds so I can eat. But no way I will go there, they treat people like me like crap and it isn't worth it. I told her I am about to give up cause I can't do this anymore. this pain has messed up my life and now I am living in h*ll. I don't think they totally understand all of this. I only need treatment for 20 days that is it. But they don't care. I told her I will end up in the hosptial before to long cause I will be really sick soon. Thanks for listening. I have to go pull myself together before one of my kids see me like this.
Jamie

[dame_wilbur]

oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I'm not saying that just to make you feel better, but because I've been there and know how hard it is to even wake up in the morning. My neuro at one point threatened to put me in the hospital long term if I didn't start at least drinking water. Try and drink some water or maybe some Gatorade if you can't eat. Ensure is a really good compromise if you can keep it down.

I haven't been around much lately (been going though a rough patch of my own) so I'm kinda behind on things like how long this has been going on.

If I were your kid, I think I'd want my mom to be in the hospital and getting help rather than suffering on my behalf.

*hugs*

~Dame

[Sarajmt]

Oh Jamie!  I am so sorry.  I am just in disbelief at the treatment (or lack thereof) that you've received.  I really don't have any advice for your pain that you don't already know.  Is there any chance you could arrange to have your children go to a friend's house?  A relative or a friend?  At least then you wouldn't have to put on a show for the kids.  I'd tell you not to try to disguise it but I do the same thing.

I know you don't want to go to the ER but that may be your best option.  Could you have the pain management doctor's office call the ER and explain the situation?  Or fax a letter over to the ER explaining?  That may help to not be seen as a drug seeker.  I don't know.  Never tried it.  

I will pray for a miracle for you.  This situation is horrible.  If only there were something I could offer but words!  Hang in there kiddo!!

(((HUGS))))
Sara

[melissaky]

Oh honey I feel so bad for you! I wish I had the answer  .I just want you to know I am here for you  to help and support you any way I can.I know  how you feel about going to the ER I have been there myself .The last time I went I called my Pcp and they called ahead for me and I was treated very good .I guess they took me more seriously because of that .Could that be an option for you ? I would talk to them again and see if they would call ahead to the Er for you and let them know you are coming. She is right about you becoming dehydrated.You really need   to get some fluids in you . I wish I had something better to tell  you .I will pray for you that things will get better .I hope you go to the hospital and get some fluids and something for pain .I also hope you are treated good like you deserve .Take Care and God Bless Melissa

[RunningMom]

Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry hon!  I can't imagine what you are going through with zero care and that horrid pain.  Your doctor is not nice at all by brushing you off to the side.  I bet if that were him in your shoes, he'd be getting help right away.  The ER is not the answer either.  I don't know how they will treat you, but it is only a quick fix and you need a full three weeks of care.  It's unbelieveable what these doctors are putting you though, telling you to go to the ER for a couple days of pain meds so you can eat.  This isn't right and it's along the lines of malpractice.  I wish you would try and find another PCP to treat you until you get into pain management.  You deserve much better then this!

[Tuckamore]

Jamie,

I know how frustrating uncontrolled chronic pain can be...and how it seems like no one cares...but we do and so does our family. We love you dear sister in chronic pain. You don't have to be strong but you can't give up.

Do exactly as your PCP's nurse instructed you to do. Go to ER. And than what? You'll cross that bridge when you some ti it. For now you have to take one day at a time. That's all, just today. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week, just take care of what you need to do today.  

I was in my doctor's office waiting for her to come in when a call came from a major hospital for another physician in the next room. I couldn't help but over hear it. Apparently his patient had ended up a large hospital ER, very ill and suicidal. Why? Because she had no  pain medication and he had chose not to refill her meds? Now there are two sides to that story but the ER Physician not only admitted her but also saw to it that the woman had pain meds to control her chronic pain. I could hear the highly pitched verbal and unpleasant exchange of words. The PCP got his hiney chewed.

So these things do happen and I encourage you to go to ER. Tell them the name of the nurse that sent you there....and tell them what she said. Could you feel any worse that you do right now? Probably not. And you may get some pain releif and re-hydrated. Do you want to spend your daughter's birthday in the hospital or in bed? You PCP apparently won't feel responsible and you'll only be hurting you child, not the medical system. So swallow your pride and go to ER. Hopefully you will get an understanding physician. If you are ill and dehydrated they will help you through it.

My heart goes out to you. Muster that courage and go to the ER. If you are treated unkindly just consider the uneducated source. And remember you are doing this for your daughter.

We're here. Went any time and let us know how the ER trip turns out. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. You are not alone. We'll support you through this time.

Gentle ((HUGS)) to You,
~Tuck

[mummy3too]

I am so sorry...

I know it hurts to eat and open your mouth.. but can you use a straw? Does it hurt to swallow? Someone else had suggested letting jello melt in your mouth - or Ensure...

Or maybe pedialite? or ice cream?

Please tell us you have been getting something in you...

Sayin a prayer...

[designgyrl]

I was thinking the same thing, pedialite or ensure, that way you can get some calories in you and you could possibly use a straw.  Jamie, how long did you have your pcp? I'm just curious how they could have become so heartless to you, and why?  I think what your doctor is doing is practically malpractice and I just don't understand what or why she is doing it?  Have you tried making an appointment with her to talk to her face to face, or is she completely telling you she won't treat you for anything?  I'm just so shocked and in disbelief for you and want to call for you and tell that doctor off.  I'm so sorry Jamie that you're going through this, are you at least taking advil, or anything?  I would still agree to go to the ER and tell them the dr. sent you there.

[mummy3too]

Hey!

I have an idea... Call your PCP's office and make an appointment to be seen by the doctor. Tell them you are not feeling well since you are having difficulty eating and drinking and just want to be sure you are not getting severely dehydrated. Tell them you are doing the best you can under the circumstances and would prefer to be seen by your own doctor to check for the dehydration instead of a hospital ER (long wait there.. with kids, etc...)

Maybe, just maybe your PCP will look you straight in the face and see the pain you are in - notice the weight you are losing, and do something. Explain to her you only have 20 more days to wait (not eating) until you see the pain doctor... and ask her for your best course of treatment regarding nutrition till you can be seen and treated for pain. (don't ask for pain meds - hopefully she will see your pain and offer them to you...)

Heck, it can't hurt - and sometimes they just need to see it for themselves instead of just a secretary translating a conversation she had with you over the phone. Maybe all it will take is your PCP seeing with her very eyes the pain you are in.

I will keep thinking... but maybe that might work?

[namnam46]

HI Sweetheart,

I've been off the board most of the day because of Dr.'s appointments or I would have posted when this FIRST came up.

PLEASE take Tuck's advice. IF you can't eat don't worry what the ER thinks!! You need to go and get nourishment if you are not putting anything in your Body.

Tuck is EXACTLY correct about everything. You know that your PCP isn't going to give you anything because she had already told you that.  You knew that you were lucky to get the last script. You even said that. So NOW you need to take care of yourself for your kids and your Hubby. There is a chance that you can get the ER to call your PM Dr. and they might tell them to give you something until it's time for your appointment.

If you want call your PM Dr. tomorrow and see if they would do that if you go to the ER. BUT, either way go in and get yourself taken care of.

If nothing else the ER MIGHT be able to give you some suggestions as to what to do to help the pain. It's worth a try. ANYTHING is better than what you are going thru now.

Let's face it, from the sound of your post you CAN'T get anymore depressed than you already are. You DON'T know these people there and chances are they won't treat you the way you are afraid that they will.

Jamie, if it was me, I'd GO.  PLEASE, Honey, DON'T do this to yourself and your kids and Hubby. They are VERY worried about you already. This could make is BETTER for EVERYONE.

You know that we are here for you ALWAYS. That's why we are so concerned for you.

PLEASE GO!!!!....I love you and am here for YOU.....Sherry

[opus88]

sweetie PLEASE take the good advice you've been given, your daughter needs you and loves you, don't ever give up the fight.
We all care...and will walk along side you dear.

[jamlws]

Thanks everyone. I am hoping and praying for a miracle here, I know miracles do happen to some people I just don't know if I am good enough person for it to happen to me. I am trying everything I can. I know my PCP won't give me any more refills unless she grows a heart and I hear that is hard to do once you lose yours. I took my kids to the store with me and I was looking at the bottom shelf at something and when I went to stand up my head started to spin and I thought for sure I was going to faint, next thing i know my daughter grabs my arm so I wouldn't fall on the floor. I know bad thing to happen when your own kids have to help you get around.
If I am not any better by Friday I am going to have my husband take me to a different Er not the one in my town. They judge people way to much and I already know what they will say. Unless I get the good dr that works there but what are the chances in that. My husband is off work friday.
I had to go to my daughters game tonight, I am the only one that can take score, my daughter kept asking me to stay home and everyone at the game kept asking if I was feeling ok cause I didn't look good, oh g thanks.
When my husband was really sick they did this test on his arm and pushed their finger on it and if it took more then a few seconds to turn from white to his normal color and they looked in his mouth and his tounge was white they said he was dehydrated. I have the samethings going on, plus the dizzy spills is a big give away too.
I know i am in bad shape, I am trying to eat atleast alittle for dinner everyday. Not alot but a few bites and hope that will hold me over. I know it wont but atleast it is something. Plus after I eat I have to deal with even more pain just from the movement of my mouth. I am trying to drink water too.
We will see how I feel tomorrow and maybe tomorrow i will get a miracle, I will pray for one tonight. I just keep waking up and thinking today will be different, my pain wont' get bad today and the day and my pain proves me so wrong. I have been with my PCP for 6 years, she was my OB when I was pregnant for Austin, she isn't a OB anymore. She was my sons dr until she kept trying to make me give him milk even tho when he drank it he kept puking really bad and his face would swell up, He woke up one morning with his eyes swollen shut I took him in to see her and she said he had pink eye, I said bull I want you to send him to a allergist something is wrong, she said he was just picking and he wasn't allergic to anything but she will send him to one just to make me happy. well he had tests done and we found out he was allergic to Milk, eggs, peanuts, chocolate and a few more, he don't see her anymore he has a great dr now.
Thanks for your answers and ideas.
Jamie

[Sarajmt]

You poor baby!!  I know you didn't want sympathy but that's just too darned bad!  Please get to the ER.  You need fluids. If you dehydrate too much, you'll get some awful cramps and you don't need that.  Can you sip Gatorade or some other electrolyte drink?  Give it a try.  Would sipping through a straw help or make it worse?

So you get yourself to the ER.  You will be no help whatsoever to your beautiful little ones if you don't.  I know it's awful.  But it will be well worth it when you feel better.  Good luck sweetie and Hang in there kiddo!
(((((HUGS)))))
Sara

[designgyrl]

Jamie,

I hope you decide to go to the er.  Girl, I'll call my Kansas dr. and see if he knows of anyone in the Ohio are.  Where exactly are you in OH so I can ask him.  Let me know and I'll call.

[geminigirl1963]

You definitely need something more than water.  While water is very good, if you're not able to get anything else into your system, you're more than just dry - you're more than likely low on electrolytes, including a very important one - potassium.  TRY and drink some Gatorade or some other type of sports drink.  This will help regulate your electrolytes so that hopefully they don't get too depleted.  Take it from someone who, a couple of years ago when I was really, seriously sick and couldn't eat or drink more than a few sips of water here and there (and most of the time they didn't stay down) - anyway - take if from one who has been there, done that - you DON"T want your potassium (or other electrolytes) getting too low.  When I finally went to the ER that time, I was told outright that if I hadn't come in, there was a 99.5% chance that within the next hour I would have had a MAJOR heart attack and probably died - because I was sooooo dehydrated and my potassium levels were sooooooo low.  It took a week in the hospital getting IV potassium before my levels even came up enough that it was safe enough for them to switch me over to the pill form of the potassium.  My doctor (not the same one I had at that time - for many reasons, this being one of them) and I both believe that having my potassium get that low for such an exteded period of time, is one major factor in why it's so hard for me to get around now - potassium helps your muscles work and since mine was so horribly low, the basically ended up almost dying, so now they don't work the way they should or did.

So please, like I said, while water is great (and keep drinking as much of it as you can), you need something more.  In addition to the Gatorade, give the ensure a try again - I know you had said you had it before so you know it's not the best tasting stuff, but it, also will give you more than just plain water.

I do hope your hubby takes you to the ER Friday (if not before) - let sooner the better.

Best of luck, my friend, and even though it may seem like it right now - remember, you are NOT alone and you ARE very important!!

[namnam46]

I know that this will sound CRAZY BUT  - why don't you go to the Store and get some Gerber's #2 cartons of the Fruits that they have. They are smoothe and all you do is swallow them!! They have TREMENDOUS vitamins in them and will help to keep your strength up. I know this because my 9 years old Autistic Granddaughter  Whether it is Brushing her teeth, brushing her hair - whatever those things feel like to us it 1,000's of times more sensitive to her. It breaks my heart to have to make her do these things but I HAVE to.

By the way they DON'T taste bad either. I DECIDED when I first had my children that I would NEVER put ANYTHING in their mouths that I didn't taste first. It was on e of the best decisions that I made. EVERYTIME that something didn't taste good to me it ALSO didn't taste good to them. I wasn't about to make them eat something that I wouldn't eat.  Most things were fine. The ONLY thing that didn't taste VERY good was the meat that Gerber's offered SOOOO I MIXED the Fruit with the meat and it covered it up and the kids got there Protein.  Where there's a will there's a way!!!

I love you Sweetie, and STILL wish you were down here in AZ as you NEVER would have had this PROBLEM!!!.....Sherry

[mummy3too]

Sounds like she is having trouble swallowing since we have all suggested ensure, pedialyte, gatorade, etc... even drinking with straws. Not sure she could handle the baby food if she can't take liquids .The human body can a while without food - but needs liquids to stay hydrated.

Jamie, if you can't get liquids down - you must go to the ER. If you can take liquids, drink the high calorie, vitamin enriched drinks.

My father was very sick with a problem with his pancreas and could not eat. He survived on these drinks for over a month... until he was able to eat again.

Hon, please let us know if you are able to use a straw and swallow fluids.....

[jamlws]

Thanks.
I have to go pay some bills today I will stop at the store. I kept getting up last night trying to vomit but you have nothing to vomit it is hard to do. I have lost 4 lbs this week since Monday. I know I need to get to the ER and I will soon. My husband has to work both jobs today and he is off his full time job tomorrow but has his part time one to go to tomorrow night. I always have my inlaws if I get worse. I got up today with a killer headach and it hurts so bad it is hard to move.
Sherry there is no way I could taste my kids food, you are a strong person. My son eats all the non milk stuff and some of it just looks nasty let alone takes nasty. but that is all he has ever known and he loves it so he gets to eat it since he cant have normal icecream.
Thanks
Jamie

[jamlws]

I just weighed myself, I was 155 on Sunday when I had my meds and today I am now 148, that is alot of weight in that short of time.
Jamie

[Sarajmt]

You BE CAREFUL!!!  This is not a good.  (like you didn't know that already!)  You really should consider calling your inlaws to take you to the ER!  Today!!!

[namnam46]

Yes it is so I'm SOO glad that you are going to go tomorrow.

In my post I was going by what you said in your PM's to me that you were able to get SOME (very little) but SOME things down and that's why I thought of these Gerber foods. ESPECIALLY  the Fruit Medley, and the Mango and the Peach Cobbler. (Those are my favorites and might have the most flavor for you.) It's pretty sad when a 63 year old woman knows her Baby Foods isn't it - LOL

Anxious to know what YOUR take is on them!!  

Mega (((HUGS!!)))...Sherry

[Tuckamore]

Jamie,

You said that today you were going to ER...go!  Drink those milk shakes or malts. They will provide you with some nourishment. Don't be martyr, it'll only hurt your kids.

forget the baby food for now. The malts are basically liquid, taste good, can be taken through a straw.  

And while you are at it get a different PCP. Why on earth would you pay someone to treat you so badly? I had a few incompetent and uncaring physicians in my lifetime and I look back and wonder why I was so stupid as to tolerate their blunt, untrue and unkind words and judgement. I paid them for that??? Honestly dear, why?

So please start searching for someone that will treat you with dignity and respect. You've heard it here before. Ppl do find good physicians. We just celebrated the news the other day from another member. Those great Docs due exist!!

In the meantime you need some medical intervention. No one is going to come to your house and rescue you. You will not hurt your PCP by torturing yourself. If you truly are (and I beleive you) losing weight quickly, unable to consume anything and in extreme pain go to ER.

I'll look forward to the results of your visit....and the date of your new PCP appointment.

Gentle ((HUGS))
~Tuck

[namnam46]

Again, Tuck is CORRECT!!  You NEED to go TODAY!!

Looking forward to your updates ALSO!!!...Sherry

[mummy3too]

Jamie -

If you don't already have a recommendation, maybe you could also ask the ER docs for the name of a good caring PCP. Tell them you are in need of a one.

Please keep us posted and let us know if you decide to try the high calorie/vitamin drinks...

[melissaky]

Jamie I am in agreement with everyone .You need to go to the ER .You must be dehydrated .I went to the ER with dehydration back in Feb and spent 5 days in the hospital.You can die from dehydration .Please please go .I am very concerned about you .Once you are dehydrated you can't drink enough to get those fluids back .You need to be pumped fluids intravenously.I had to have 9 bags run through me to put the fluids back .Please honey don't wait .You could be putting your life in danger .I hope that you go .We are all worried about you and don't want to see anything happen to you.Take care my dear Melissa