Am I an Addict?

[painful_silence]

I've been reading here for about a week. Im really struggling with something right now. I was dx'ed with breast cancer in March of '06. I made it through 3surgeries, 8chemotherapy treatments, and 37 radiation treatments.

Around September of that year, after chemo but before radiation, i felt like I had the flu. I dealt with it for about 2 or 3 weeks. I finally mentioned my symptoms. My oncologist had been prescribing vicodin 5/500. Anyways, they thought I had fibromyalgia and had me get checked at my pcp. It's been 'confirmed' by the pcp, a rheumatologist, etc. Other things were ruled out. I've taken a total of 17 different meds to try to manage the symptoms.

I had seen numerous docs, mostly trying to have my whole being treated. Not one of them listened to a word. They gave me pills. I was hoping for more. Like, nutrition, specific exercise, etc. I did alot of research on my own of course and I changed ALOT of my lifestyle. I was still experiencing at least 4-5 days per week of excruciating all over pain.

So, after approximately 6 different docs, I find this PA at a primary care office. Oh! This man was like an angel!!! Eventually, i ended up on morphine 30mg 3/day. I also had the Butrans patch(buprenorphine). Now, this is where things start to go downhill...
I go see him for my monthly visit last Monday. The gave me a UA. Not totally out of the norm as all their pain patients were required to take them every three months. It was weird because I wasn't due for another test until February.

Now, when he came in (after the test) I told him that i was wearing the Butrans patch and hadn't taken the morphine for 4 days. Now, hopefully, I can keep this from getting confusing...lol.

When I first tried the Butrans patch it worked wonders!! I was so thrilled to have it. After about 3 months I started developing a nasty rash at the patch site. I tried so many things to make it work! I had to come of of it and that's when i started the morphine. Periodically i would try the patch again...to no avail.

At on point I had the patches and the morphine. I NEVER used them at the same time. He knew that.

Back to the UA. He comes in and I tell him I have the patch on this time. My son and i had the stomach flu a few days before my appt. and I had been throwing up EVERYTHING. I threw up the morphine a few times. Anyways, i had the patch on to help with pain (obviously ;). Hr says, "You tested negative for the morphine in August and November." I just sat there... Huh!? I had gotten some really bad news the day before and I felt like a wrung out washcloth. He basically tells me they can't see me, they'll give me a list of pm docs, blah, blah. I was stupified!!!
I had one Butrans patch on, which only had 3 days left. Nothing else. I came home and realized that those were the months I did the Butrans!!! He knew about it for cryin out loud!! I am reeling right now. I adored him. Im broken hearted at thr the that he might have believed whatever it is they believe in this instance.
I had a fairly easy withdrawl. Today i had the chance to get ten percocet. I got them.
I guess this makes me an addict? I mean i was past the worst of withdrawal. I was hurting like h*ll though. Nighttime is hard because I get horrible restless legs. Ah, jeez. Im sorry. Im just scared and sad. I can't get pm without a referral but Im afraid my record now looks awful...

[painful_silence]

If i left out any important info tell me and Im more than happy to answer! Thank you for reading and giving me your honest thoughts :)

[btrain76]

First off, I admire your courage in fighting cancer and I hope you are in the clear from that. I'm sorry you have to deal with your current pain.
I have a couple questions for you:
1. Was your pa writing both of your scripts or were they from different doctors?
2. Am i correct in reading that you tested NEGATIVE for the morphine????
This sounds rediculus to me. As far as being an addict, chronic pain sufferers are all addicts!!! I suffer from numerous issues and i can't function without my meds. I struggle with it at times, but i am definitely an addict now. You have the right to have a pain free life, or as close to it as possible. Dont feel guilty about that.
Start searching for a new doc. It sounds to me that you did nothing wrong. Keep your head up and i wish you luck. Ill look for your answers to my questions.

Brian

[btrain76]

More questions:
3. Were you supposed to be taking the patch and the morphine together?
4. What were your doctor or doctors expecting you to take?

[painful_silence]

Thank you for answering! I only ever got my opiate/narcotic meds from him. He was the ONLY doc I saw in the almost 2 years i went there. He knew that I alternated the meds. The Butrans would've made the morphine fairly ineffective anyways. I never tested positive for anything else. He seemed pretty surprised that we were even having that conversation. I told him I would never do anything to jeopardize the doc/patient relationship we had nor would I willing put myself in that position.

[btrain76]

Hey,
For your own peace of mind, I would consider calling up and calmly ask what happened and what you did wrong. It sounds like you like this doctor so it would help you get closure. Either you get you doctor back or you will understand why he overreacted.
In my humble opinion, it seems like maybe either he or his superiors weren't comfortable writing such strong scripts. I just got referred to a pm doctor because my pcp didnt want to write hydrocodone. The government is really cracking down on prescription meds right now and I think its scaring pcp from writing narcotic scripts.
I would search out a pm doc quick so you arent suffering. Just be aware that they may not put you back on what you were on. They may start you a bit lower, but a good pm will work you up to the meds you need.
I hope this helps a little. Let me know how things work out for you, Good Luck:)

[Weathergirl21]

Hi there...

I couldn't tell from your post if you are in remission from the breast cancer from 06? I hope so!

Anyway...the part about the meds are a bit confusing...

You wrote this:
My son and i had the stomach flu a few days before my appt. and I had been throwing up EVERYTHING. I threw up the morphine a few times.

So...a few days before the appt. you were taking the Morphine...But then you wrote:
I had one Butrans patch on, which only had 3 days left.


The Butrans patch is a 7 days patch so that would mean you had been wearing it for 4 days prior to your appt. so that it sounds like you were on the Morphine *few days before) and the Butrans patch (few days before) at the same time?

But they dismissed you from the practice for tests all the way from 6 and 3 months ago? Haven't you seen them since then and picked up prescriptions and had appts?

Did you ask them why if that is the case then they didn't mention this earlier?

The Butrans has buprenorphine in it which at the lower dosages fs used for pain management, it wouldn't make the Morphine inactive or not work and I'm not sure why you included that particular statement...Buprenorphine is an opiod analgesic...

And are you saying that the Dr. was ok with you alternating the Morphine and the Butrans patch? It seems like if you had a rash and tried it a few times and specifically asked to be put on something else (the Morphine) then they expect you to not use the Butrans patch again...So walking in with it on or you being tested negative for it those other times...I could see why they are upset...

I'm not sure why you titled this the way you did asking if you are an addict?

The only thing you can do at this point as has been mentioned is try to talk with this particular Dr. and work things out or try to seek out a new PM Dr.. You need to get a copy of your medical records to see what is written in there and what a new Dr. will see so that you can explain things to them...

Again...I hope you are in remission for the BC!

[Weathergirl21]

Oh....I guess I didn't see the last part to where you said you "got" ten Percocet....

So I am guessing then that this is not prescribed and you borrowed or bought this from a "friend"???

I REALLY strongly urge you to not take these.....This is actually a felony on both your end as well as the other person's end...

I have been throught withdrawal before when I had a horrible case of the stomach flu and couldn't hold down any of my medications which are Morphine and Oxycodone....So...it's not pleasant but it won't kill you...

Please don't go down the path of doing something illegal just because of withdrawal.....And even with pain....it's again...not pleasant...but you can make it until you find another Dr....

I had many months of excruciating pain after my 2nd fusion surgery and had a terrible Dr who messed up so it took time to find my new Neuro and PM...

IF you take these meds and find another Dr. and they test you and you are now positive for a medication you aren't prescribed...then that will only add to all the issues....

It's not worth it....And by throwing these Percocets away....then you can stick to your guns and be able to look any new Dr. in the eye and truly say that you have always done things as prescribed...

Just my thoughts....