Military Dr. Has taken me off morphine, what do I do now???

[4my4boys]

(back story). I am the wife to a husband who has served in the Air Force for 26 years and the mother to four boys.  Because we are a military family, I never have one dr. for more than a year.  I have been assigned to 5 different Dr.'s this past year because of deployments and new orders.  When I was 19 I was hit head on by an 18 wheeler.  I had the entire engine rammed into me and both of my legs were broke at the hips and forced into the back seat.  I was in a coma for three weeks and according to my Dr.'s and parents went code blue twice.  I had to have six different surgeries and my parents were told that if I survived that I would never walk again.  I broke both hips, both knees and my ankles were shattered along with my right elbow and shoulder.  My left shoulder was dislocated and I had 9 broken ribs.  I also had vertebrae damage and required plastic surgery to my face.  After all of my surgeries and finally waking up I refused to accept that I would never walk again and 16 days later left the hospital walking with special crutches.  I feel extremely blessed that I was able to to live 13 years with minimal pain.  However, seven years ago the arthritis has started to wreak havoc on my entire body.  I had my hips replaced two years ago and have to get several injections a year in my lower back.  I am allergic to all anti-inflamatories and have had four different surgeries in the last three years to remove sections of my intestines due to ulcers and gastional bindings.  Here in lies my delimia.  I am in excruciating pain day in and day out.  For the last six years I have been on morphine 30mg er 2x day and morphine 15mg er 1 x a day.  I have also been taken 5 mg of oxycodone 4x a day for break through pain.  I know that most people build up a tolerance and keep needing more but I guess I was one of the lucky ones who never had to ask for more.  Yes the pain is always there but it was manageable and I was able to have a pretty good quality of life.  I played with my kids, I walked the dog and cleaned my house as best I could.  I was never one to just lay around because there was just too much to do. I accepted that and rested when I needed to and always tried to let my children see me with a smile on my face. (although I will admit at times I was crying inside) I just kept going on with my life and going to my dr once a month for chronic pain mgt (refills on pain meds). Then, out of the blue, my dr. Who has been treating me for the last 6 months, says he is no longer comfortable giving me morphine.  He refilled my oxycodone but cut it to two 5 mg tablets a day.  He told me I needed to go to a pain clinic from now on and said he would put a referral in and that I should be able to get in to see them within the next 30 days.  I am on day five and I've had to face he facts that I'm a junkie.  My skin is crawling, my stomach hurts so bad and I have to run to the bathroom every 20 min.  The pain in my back is so bad that I can barely get off the couch.  My kids have watched me change into a monster in just a few short days.  With my severe arthritis on top of the withdrawals I am a basket case.  I am embarrassed and humilified because I never saw myself as an addict.  But oh my gosh, I am and now I don't know what to do.  How am I supposed to wait 30 days to be seen when it feels like I won't make it through the next hour.  If anyone has ANY advice for me please please please tell me what I can or should do.  I feel like I am failing my family because they have a junkie for a wife and mom.  I just want to run away so that they don't have to see me in this humiliating state.  I even resorted to taken 3 of the oxycodone for just two hours of relief but know that I can't keep doing that or they will not last.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Sincerely, MAC

[GodWrksNmystryusWYS]

I am glad you feel better, this website and these kind people helped me also and I feel so grateful as well because when I was pregnant i went through a lot emotionally and with chronic pain it was a struggle. I am so thankful for everyone here

[femmy29]

I also sent you a PM.

femmy

[marycarmel]

Sorry to hear you had a heart attack!  I'm glad you are under a doctor's supervision until you get to pain management.  Just do your homework when increasing narcotics.  Tolerance is unavoidable, as is dependence, but as long as you know the real deal on everything, you should be fine.

[4my4boys]

I wanted to thank you so very much for your posts.  I also wanted to let you know that because of you and another lady (sjoggie) I was able to overlook my humilation and embarrassment and go to my dr. Office yesterday.  In a way, your kinds words saved my life.  When I got to the dr. Office and they did I my blood pressure and a series of other tests they realized that I was having a heart-attack. Needless to say head dr's, administrators and people I didn't even know who they were just started flooding in to my room.  I was given 10mg of morphine through an injection and after 30 min my heart rate and blood pressure were back to normal.  I receive numerous apologies and my prescriptions until I could get into pain mgt.  The head dr said that he could tell after only spending 15 minutes with my file that I had been mistreated and failed by my PCM.  He said that most patients need to increase their meds every 6 months and the fact that I had not asked for one year spoke volumes to my character.  He said I was a very strong person and that in reality I should probably be on more than what I am receiving.  Anyway....long story short....I am doing so much better and it is party due to your kind words and posts.  So from the bottom of my heart I thank you and I bless you.  I am supposed to be relaxing now but I just wanted to let you know YOU made a difference.  God bless!!!!!! Mac

[marycarmel]

Is there any doctor you can see before Friday?  Even an urgent care or ER doctor?  This makes me so angry ... these doctors are all for getting you on narcotics and then cut you off.  Please stop thinking of yourself as a failure.  You have legitimate pain issues.  There's a huge difference in being physically dependent and addicted (though your body doesn't know the difference.)

I've been in withdrawal a few times due to other issues (not being able to keep my meds down, etc.)  I know how hard it is physically (some seem to be able to do it more easily, but for me it was torture and dangerous.)

I missed so many things/events for my kids while I was tapering off.  It took me a long time and between the pain and being in constant mild to moderate withdrawals, I was lucky to do the bare minimum.

I'm not sure how old your kids are.  Mine were older (young teens to older teens) and I was totally honest with them.

Right now you need to take care of you.  Is there anyone who can help you with the kids?

I still think you need to see some sort of doctor to help with this.  You've been on these meds a long time and you have had some serious injuries.  Maybe someone else will have some good suggestions for you.

[4my4boys]

Thank you for your kind words of incouragement.  I can not take Imodium ad or any thing in that family because of my dying intestines.  I am drinking my liquids though and trying my best to stay hydrated.  I still feel like a failure and a junkie however because this morning after only three hours of sleep I had to take 3 of the 5mg oxycodone just to get my kids off to school.  Made another appointment to see my dr, but can't be seen until next Friday.  I was supposed to go with my twins on their field trip Friday but there is no way I would humiliate them or even manage it.  It breaks my heart that now I can't even be a good mom.  Once again, thanks so much for your response and words of encouragement, they really meant a lot.  May God bless you and keep you safe.  Mac

[marycarmel]

You are not a junkie.  Your body is dependent on narcotics due to being on them for so long.  I'm sorry this happened to you.  Your doctor, IMO, is being negligent.  There was no need to do this.  If he no longer wanted to write narcotics, he could have written them until you got to pain management, or at the very least, given you a manageable taper.  Can you go back and ask him for one of those two options?

If not, check out the substance abuse forum.  Not because you're abusing your medicine but because they have some great tips on withdrawal and how to make it a bit easier.  The word is usually over in 3 to 7 days.

Your pain will increase when you stop the drugs.  It should settle down to it's "normal" level after a few weeks.  For now, make sure you're drinking lots of fluids.  It's very easy to get dehydrated, and that will make everything worse.  If you're having any diarrhea, try immodium.  Light, comfort foods are best if you don't feel like eating:  jello, soups, crackers, etc.

Pain management is probably a better place for you but this doctor should not have just shut you off like this.  Please let us know what's going on.

[Sjoggie]

I sent you a pm.