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Partners & Their Reactions
How do other people cope with partners who are encouraging to the point of being smothering, then the other members of the family question all the meds you have to take? It's not a case of Wanting to take all these drugs it's a case of either lying in bed all day in a crying agonised heap or having some quality of life. It's so hard when I don't have the emotional energy to deal with them all the time. What do others do?
Hi Suec,
I can relate to how your feeling. The way that I have delt with it is to remember that they wouldnt be showing this concern if they didnt care about me and my health. It too a while for my parents to understand why the medication was important to my living as normal a life as I could and without them wouldnt be able to soend any quality time with them or enjoy the things that I used to. It's hard for other people to understand why there loved ones cant control pain in other ways.
If we look back before the pain, did we even think about what chronic pain was or how it felt? Thats what I try to remember when I come across someone that doesnt understand. We learned what CP was in a really hard way. They luckily dont have to so it will take a bit of explaining and understanding for there cofusion and concern.
Your daughter is just concerned about her mother and doesnt want you to get hooked on narcotics. So maybe explaining it in a way she can understand, like having an awful migraine that wont go away. Every day it's there and everyday it keeps you from doing the things you love. Explaining that you take them only as the DR prescribes and that the only reason you take them is to lower the pain, Not to feel "high."
I have always thought that taking close family, like parents, spouses or children if there old enough to the DR with you so the DR can help them understand what the medication is used for and why you need to take it right now. It can sometimes help to hear it from the DR who has felt that the benefit of the medication outweighs any risks.
I always let my family know how grateful I am that they are concerned for my well being and how much I love them and want to spend time with them and do all the things I love to do, but that the pain keeps me from the life I want to have and the medication helps me from being in agony and isolation.
This is just what helped me. Sometimes it doesnt matter what we say and do. I still have relatives that dont understand and it hurts. But I just keep trying to explain whenever the subject comes up and hope they will eventually change how they think of it. If the situation was reversed and my sister(who is not supportive) suffered from CP would I understand? I know I didnt understand CP before it happened to me so maybe I wouldnt.
Just allow them to express how there feeling so you can express how your feeling. I've found if I offer someone understand for the way they feel, they are more apt to try and understand my feelings and the way my life is.
Speaking from a daughters perspective, I hate to see my mother in pain. It huts desperatly. She may be afraid of what taking these medications mean for you and your health. No matter how old we get we never stop being afraid to hear something is wrong. She may not be able to fully understand or express why she cant accept your using these medications.
I remember once when my mother had surgery. She came home from it and I avoided seeing her. A week later I realized it was because I was so afraid to see her like that and couldnt handle knowing she was in so much pain. She later told me she thought I just didnt care but it was so much the opposite.
That is only my person perspective if my mother was in pain or hurting. I may be so wrong.
keep trying to explain why you need the medication right now and that you only take it as the DR has told you too. This part of CP is the hardest. Feeling unsupportive can hurt more than the actual pain. It's okay to cry and to be hurt or angry. I still cry all the time because my brother and sister cant understand. I always try to hang onto the hope that they will one day, but not having there understand hurts so much.
Keep hanging in there. Were always here for you.
TMA
I can relate to how your feeling. The way that I have delt with it is to remember that they wouldnt be showing this concern if they didnt care about me and my health. It too a while for my parents to understand why the medication was important to my living as normal a life as I could and without them wouldnt be able to soend any quality time with them or enjoy the things that I used to. It's hard for other people to understand why there loved ones cant control pain in other ways.
If we look back before the pain, did we even think about what chronic pain was or how it felt? Thats what I try to remember when I come across someone that doesnt understand. We learned what CP was in a really hard way. They luckily dont have to so it will take a bit of explaining and understanding for there cofusion and concern.
Your daughter is just concerned about her mother and doesnt want you to get hooked on narcotics. So maybe explaining it in a way she can understand, like having an awful migraine that wont go away. Every day it's there and everyday it keeps you from doing the things you love. Explaining that you take them only as the DR prescribes and that the only reason you take them is to lower the pain, Not to feel "high."
I have always thought that taking close family, like parents, spouses or children if there old enough to the DR with you so the DR can help them understand what the medication is used for and why you need to take it right now. It can sometimes help to hear it from the DR who has felt that the benefit of the medication outweighs any risks.
I always let my family know how grateful I am that they are concerned for my well being and how much I love them and want to spend time with them and do all the things I love to do, but that the pain keeps me from the life I want to have and the medication helps me from being in agony and isolation.
This is just what helped me. Sometimes it doesnt matter what we say and do. I still have relatives that dont understand and it hurts. But I just keep trying to explain whenever the subject comes up and hope they will eventually change how they think of it. If the situation was reversed and my sister(who is not supportive) suffered from CP would I understand? I know I didnt understand CP before it happened to me so maybe I wouldnt.
Just allow them to express how there feeling so you can express how your feeling. I've found if I offer someone understand for the way they feel, they are more apt to try and understand my feelings and the way my life is.
Speaking from a daughters perspective, I hate to see my mother in pain. It huts desperatly. She may be afraid of what taking these medications mean for you and your health. No matter how old we get we never stop being afraid to hear something is wrong. She may not be able to fully understand or express why she cant accept your using these medications.
I remember once when my mother had surgery. She came home from it and I avoided seeing her. A week later I realized it was because I was so afraid to see her like that and couldnt handle knowing she was in so much pain. She later told me she thought I just didnt care but it was so much the opposite.
That is only my person perspective if my mother was in pain or hurting. I may be so wrong.
keep trying to explain why you need the medication right now and that you only take it as the DR has told you too. This part of CP is the hardest. Feeling unsupportive can hurt more than the actual pain. It's okay to cry and to be hurt or angry. I still cry all the time because my brother and sister cant understand. I always try to hang onto the hope that they will one day, but not having there understand hurts so much.
Keep hanging in there. Were always here for you.
TMA
I also wanted to say that you should not feel silly for having these emotions, they are real and you need to vent and talk about them so feel free to unload we are here for you and understand.
Your daughter needs to realize these drugs were not made for the addicts but for people like you in pain.It angers me so much that these medications are viewed this way and though there are some organizations like American pain society and many more that try and get the message out about pain medications and their true purpose the cause goes on unknown to alot of people. I wish the news and press would get that message out that these meds are a life saver for alot of people instead of sending the message that they are for addicts by continuously pressing the fact that they are abused by many.
This issue is very important to me as it is everyone here that has to deal with it. The fact that our loved ones question our need to take these meds is solely based on the negative press they get.You will hear about the crimes involving these drugs or about the people who abuse them and the ones who abuse and OD sometimes dying, but I fail to hear about the fact that they give a very large number of people quality of life and helps with their pain and suffering. The amount of people who these medicines help pain Pt's outweigh the amount of people who abuse them and that is the message that should be sent and known to the public and most of all our loved ones. I am so sorry your put in this postion and it is so unfair, it angers me so much! I hope your feeling better very soon!
This issue is very important to me as it is everyone here that has to deal with it. The fact that our loved ones question our need to take these meds is solely based on the negative press they get.You will hear about the crimes involving these drugs or about the people who abuse them and the ones who abuse and OD sometimes dying, but I fail to hear about the fact that they give a very large number of people quality of life and helps with their pain and suffering. The amount of people who these medicines help pain Pt's outweigh the amount of people who abuse them and that is the message that should be sent and known to the public and most of all our loved ones. I am so sorry your put in this postion and it is so unfair, it angers me so much! I hope your feeling better very soon!
I feel so silly sitting here crying over the fact I have just taken some more meds to try & get some sleep, it's 4.30 am here. My daughter only sees the type of drugs and raves on about addicts etc. She has seen me in absolute agony and STILL questions morphine etc. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about the meds because of needing the relief. I guess I'm just feeling a bit low right now. I do thank every day for my husband and know I would be absolutly lost without him and who knows whether I'd still be able to stay at home alone if he wasn't here. I guess sometimes I would like to be able to get in the car when I'm up to it and visit my granddaughter alone or do some other things just to retain some independance as it is getting more important to me as I lose it. But I do thank God for him and Love him dearly. I sometimes read about people who are alone and they amaze me with their strength.
I have a huge issue with the fact that your relatives are concerned about your taking these meds that are medically necessary to have quality of life. The reason they have a dim view is the press the news and the addicts that abuse and steal these drugs making it news worthy and we the people in pain have to deal with the consequences. I have every respect for the recovering and recovered addicts as they choose to quit hurting themselves and others but the things they have done to get these drugs continues to affect us. It has gotten to the point where I live that these pain meds being abused and stolen and gotten by ill means out weighs the street drugs, the local law enforcement and goverment have seen this and we pay for this by our doctors questioning Pt's and relatives being weary of us being on these highly publicized drugs. I had the same problem and all I can tell you is to educate them and let them know while some do abuse these drugs you take them for medical reasons and nothing more. Explain your quality of life with and without them. The drug companies who made these drugs meant for them to help people like us and not hinder us by labeling us addicts by other peoples negative actions. Please don't ever feel guilty for having to take these drugs they were made for people in pain to have a life ,to be able to have somewhat of the life they had before the pain. I assure you if you educate your loved ones they will understand this is a treatment you need and it is no different than a diabetic needing insulin. Your fortunate to have someone close to you that cares about your well being so much, it may be smothering at times but think about it as a blessing as some people have no support at all. Maybe you could thank them for their support but explain you do need a little room and your very grateful for their loving support.
I wish you and your family all the best just remember you should never feel guilty for having to take medications that you and your body needs and your family after being educated will see that you need these drugs and not an addict but a Pt who needs their meds.
I wish you and your family all the best just remember you should never feel guilty for having to take medications that you and your body needs and your family after being educated will see that you need these drugs and not an addict but a Pt who needs their meds.
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