Aa
What to do?!?!?!
My son will be 4 years old next week and he is a loving, caring and super smart kid. He has always been in a daycare setting (since he was 5 months old). Never have received complaints, however, for the past month he is just misbehaving...at home and school. He does not listen, talks back and now he is hitting kids in school. I have tried the "throwing away" his toys, time outs, spanking and none of it works. What am I doing wrong? or better yet What can I do to stop this behavior and not let it get out of hand? Please help!!!!!
Concerned Parent.
Concerned Parent.
he may be seeing another child act is this manner at daycare. I can only asume that you have spoken with the daycare staff.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello,
a sudden change like this can be really overwhelming, and can leave you feeling desperate about what to do. I am assuming from yoru report that there is nothing new in his life, such as marital strife between you and your husband, a new teacher, or a recent move that could explain the emergence of these undersirable behaviors.
It sounds like you are falling into a very familiar parenting pattern where you are trying more frequent, longer, and harsher punishments to manage your son's behavior. Decades of reasearch has shown the same results you are seeing in your own home--that punishment, particularly corpral punishment, does not work for more than a brief interval and makes the problem worse. Results of numerous studies shows that kids who are spanked are actually more physically aggressive towards parents and other children. The reseach has also shown that parents who spank tend to become more physically aggressvie with tthier children over time as well. The more you punish, the more you risk damaging your relationship with your child and teaching him to avoid you.
The good news is that there are effective ways of managing behavior that will work! It will take lots of change and a willingness to try new things, but usually kids this age respond very well to behavior plans. I recommend you find a psychotherapist who specializes in young children who can teach you how to manage behavior effectively through positive means (ask for someone who offers Parent Management Training, Parent Effectiveness Training or training in behavior modification). If you can not access therapy, there's a great book called The Kazdin Method by Dr. Alan Kazdin. This book is full of concrete techniques that is all based on the research as well as the author's extensive experience helping families. Kazdin also includes information for how to make a behavior plan that will address issues in both home and school.
Best Wishes
Rebecca Resnik
a sudden change like this can be really overwhelming, and can leave you feeling desperate about what to do. I am assuming from yoru report that there is nothing new in his life, such as marital strife between you and your husband, a new teacher, or a recent move that could explain the emergence of these undersirable behaviors.
It sounds like you are falling into a very familiar parenting pattern where you are trying more frequent, longer, and harsher punishments to manage your son's behavior. Decades of reasearch has shown the same results you are seeing in your own home--that punishment, particularly corpral punishment, does not work for more than a brief interval and makes the problem worse. Results of numerous studies shows that kids who are spanked are actually more physically aggressive towards parents and other children. The reseach has also shown that parents who spank tend to become more physically aggressvie with tthier children over time as well. The more you punish, the more you risk damaging your relationship with your child and teaching him to avoid you.
The good news is that there are effective ways of managing behavior that will work! It will take lots of change and a willingness to try new things, but usually kids this age respond very well to behavior plans. I recommend you find a psychotherapist who specializes in young children who can teach you how to manage behavior effectively through positive means (ask for someone who offers Parent Management Training, Parent Effectiveness Training or training in behavior modification). If you can not access therapy, there's a great book called The Kazdin Method by Dr. Alan Kazdin. This book is full of concrete techniques that is all based on the research as well as the author's extensive experience helping families. Kazdin also includes information for how to make a behavior plan that will address issues in both home and school.
Best Wishes
Rebecca Resnik
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