Postpartum Depression (PPD) Community
I'm scared of PPD - mom had it, have a history of depression and a...
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I'm scared of PPD - mom had it, have a history of depression and anxiety:(

What are my chances of getting PPD?  I already feel kind of disconnected and I don't cry much, it's like I'm a little numb.  I'm 35 weeks, mostly happy, but only about how I've done so well with my pregnancy.  This pregnancy was not planned because I never wanted children.  After 18 pregnancy free years with my husband, we thought he was sterile, due to some surgeries he had had.  We were wrong!  Even though I never wanted children, we thought this was meant to be and abortion was out of the question.  This makes me worry that since I don't have that strong desire to have a baby, does that leave me more at risk for PPD?  I don't see babies on the street and coo over them.  They're just babies to me, nothing exciting to me.  I'm a tomboy at heart.  I love my cats and when I see kittens, I go ga ga.  My husband and I joke that I'm going to have a kitten.  I'm told that with your own it is different and I'm sure that's true, but I think my lack of desire for children might make me at risk for PPD.  Could be wrong.

My mother had only me, and she reports a year long, severe PPD.  She describes me being colicky and nobody to help her.  She said she didn't want to leave the house and one day my dad actually carried her outside and put her in the sun.  That's all she remembers.  Keep in mind she is bipolar.  I am not, fortunately, but I did have a couple of episodeds of depression, one moderate to severe and panic disorder - severe at one time.  It's been well controlled for eight years, but I'm still leary.  I'm only on a sleep med right now for chronic insomnia.  I've had a couple of mild panic attacks during pregnancy, but I've been put thru hell with my in-laws during this pregnancy, so it's no surprise.  

Anyway, I'm worried about it hitting me.  I know that nasty feeling of depression and I just want to enjoy my baby and be appreciative of this gift I never planned on receiving!  Any thoughts would be appreciated!  Thanks
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Wow, well the good thing is is that you know you could possibly be at risk.  I think you will love and enjoy your baby though.  

Depression can def be hereditary, and since you have already suffered before, I strongly recommend you speaking with your doctor about it now.  You may even be able to begin anti-depressants a couple of weeks before your baby is due.  This way, they will be fully in your system by the time he/she arrives.  You will be tired and sleep deprived once your baby gets here and that can add to depression, so please also keep that in mind.

I wish you all the luck in the world!  Congrats on this very unexpected gift/miracle!
I agree with Michele.  

I too have suffered some depression and anxiety.  I've had minor episodes in the last few years, but it really came to a head a little over a year after I had my first son.  I sought help (my GP referred me to therapy and prescribed antidepressants).  

When I had my second son last January, I was told that I was at a higher risk for developing PPD and to speak to someone immediately if I wasn't feeling "right".  Well, it took a few months - I'm 10 months PP now - but I just spoke to my GP about not feeling very well emotionally a couple of weeks ago.  For now, it's not severe (I feel overwhelmed by simple things, get irritated and teary at the drop of a hat, etc.) but it's not constant and I'm still functioning.  My doctor told me that I need to do things for myself and to make sure I get some form of exercise every day....and that I need to speak to him again if it gets worse.

I wish you all the best....My advice is to try to stay in tune with your emotions and if something doesn't feel right to you, to speak to your doctor about it.  There is no shame in doing this - in fact, it takes a strong person to admit that they need help :)  And, it doesn't in ANY WAY mean that you don't love your little one :)
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