Anyone else?

I'm 18, 19 in february. I found out i was pregnant about a month ago and lost it to miscarriage last friday. I know I'm not in the perfect situation to get pregnant. I still live with my parents, my boyfriend and I don't make enough money to spoil a baby, but enough to be happy. I want to go to school and so does he. After losing the baby, I was devastated, but kind of relieved. I said that I wasn't happy that I lost it, but i know it was probably for the better. But it hasn't even been a week and I really miss being pregnant and having the excitement of having a baby. I'm young, but I've always dreampt  of being a mother and I know i'd be a good one. Out of all my friends (you can imagine a group of diverse 18 year old girls), I'm the most motherly. They've even told me that to my face. "youre so mommy like" I took it as a compliment. What, I can't help that I'm really mature for my age. I was EXTREMELY happy and excited about my pregnancy. Everyone around me is like oh no its a mistake, blah blah blah. I told all of them that it was not a mistake to me. I know I'm young but i really wanted that baby. I told everyone I wasn't going to try and get pregnant again. The more I think about it, the more I do want to get pregnant again. I loved being pregnant and I really wanted a baby. I know it'd be better to wait, but gosh I just don't know what to say. Anyone else young have a m/c and want to get pregnant asap afterwards even when you know its not the right time?

[AngelF]

I haven't misscarried but I do have some advice or you.  Everything happens for a reason, rather we realize it or not.  You are very young, you should be out enjoying your life.  A child is a big responibility.  I know you wt one, but sometimes it's better to wait.  You still live at home ou plan on going to college, a baby will change all that.  I can't tell you what to do, nobody can.  But I can suggest you really think about it before you decide you want to get preg again.  The Lord is in control, look to him for the answers.  And about your friends, even if it seemed like a mistake to them... they should still be supportive of you & your decisions.  G'luck to you.

[RNjane]

Jame, you are going through a whirlwind of emotions right now.  I'm really sorry about you're losing your baby.  I lost a baby at 9 weeks over 20 years ago and i still think of that child.  You are sad right now and that is understandable and you still have the what if's and guilty feelings.  Honestly part of it is losing your pregnacy hormones and another part is losing the dream of that child.  You are very young and i'm not going to tell you this was or was not the perfect time for a baby.  Have you tried talking to your mother or other female confident. My daughter lost a baby around your age about five years ago and though i was not happy about the circumstances i'm glad she was able to vent her sorrow to me.

[Cowgirl~]

Hi Jame, Yes i know what you are experincing iam 18 also and will be 19 in december. i was about 5 weeks pregnant and i had a miscariage on august 3rd. I too was very happy and so was my boyfreind we acctually were trying to have a baby. I still live with my parents and he lives with his family. We treid for about 6 months and finally i was then i lost the baby. Know one else knew we were trying casue i thought people(manily family) would be very mad at me and tell me that iam not ready. But i dont care what people say. I also want to be pregnant again. I know that we are prolly not ready but i still want a baby soo bad so many people are pregnant and i want a baby. No matter what anyone says. I think i may be pregnant again and im really happy im praying that iam. I am very motherly also and would be a great mother.

[Cowgirl~]

i hope that i helped out it seems like were going through the same thing and i say you do what you think is best for you dont let anyone else change your mind. If you and your boyfreind want this and think you can handel it then do it! good luck im with you i know how good it feels to have someone else go throught the same thing

[alaysha]

My first pregnancy wasn't planned. Infact I took the morning after pill and was shocked to find out that I was pregnant. However once I got used to the idea it didn't seem so bad and when I lost that baby I was so sad. Obviously you see how it turned out! I also have alot of friends that have had miscarriages and are counting down the days until they get another BFP. Best of luck to you. Its your life and your decision dont let what other people think put you down! :)

[Linzola1]

Hello. I am in the exact boat that you are. I am 19 and I m/c on Sept13 and everyone said the same thing oh no mistake. But it really wasnt. I didnt know what it felt like to be pregnant until i was and it was a wonderful feeling. i want it so badly so soon. I believe that if thiat is what you want then dont let anyone stand in your way. Its really hard when people around you friends and family are pregnant and you were the one that had the m/c. I am having symptoms agian and am hoping that I am pregnant but my test came out negative, but I could only be at the most 2 weeks prego. good luck in whatever you decide to do and I understand. If u need to talk i understand.

[tandria03]

I am so sorry for all of your losses.  I don't want to sound preachy at all, but I have to comment that while I am sure that all of you would have so much love to give to a baby, if you are still living with your parents and not in a lifelong commited relationship, you would not be giving a baby the best life it could have.  Wanting a baby is unfortunately not enough.  Raising a child is a huge responsibility, expense and commitment.  They cost so much more money than you could ever imagine and while money is not the point, having a father you are sure will be there for the rest of that babies life is so important.  The best life you could give your children is to be out on your own, in a commited relationship.  I know it is really hard when everyone around you are having babies, but please consider waiting until you are better prepared to provide for and raise a baby.  One of the very most important things about being a mother is putting yourself last.  That sometimes means choosing not to try to get pregnant when you are not ready even though you so greatly want a baby.  Like I say, please don't be offended.  I just wanted to comment.  I hope you all have someone you can trust to help you get through this really difficult time.  No matter how old you are, miscarriage is a painful and horrible thing, and no one should downplay it just because of your age.  God has a plan for all of us, hopefully these things are only to make us stronger and better people.

[Cowgirl~]

well just because im not married does not mean im not in a commited relationship engaged is pretty committed and being together for 2 years or longer is pretty commited to me but yea anyways...

[sara......]

Are you not worried that you still live with your parents and your boyfriend with his? Wouldn't you want to be set up in a house with your boyfriend before you get pregnant? It dosn't sound ideal - financially would you be able to live with your boyfriend before it's born and buy all the stuff the baby need, and pay rent, food etc etc. ?
I'm sorry for your loss, although I've never experienced miscarriage myself, I've seen women through my work (gynae. nurse) go through it and it's a terrible time.

[Linzola1]

I understand where yall are comming from but I think that having a baby is a personal choice and its not for anyone to judge but yourself.  I agian am 19 and married, but very recentally and I have wanted to have a baby with him for about a year and we were trying.  Everyone has a right to their oppinion, but it seems like tandria is trying to push it quite a bit. I just also had a m/c but I am trying agian. good luck to yall and dont let anyone try to tell you what to do.

[Cowgirl~]

After the miscarriage i wasent try again i wanted to be but we started using protection so if iam this would not be on purpose and yea iam kind of worried but i know that ill be ok. and if iam me and my b/f do plan on getting our own place by then prolly not till right before the baby is born but we do plan on it. I understand where you are comming from but in my opinion it my life and if i think im ready then thats all that matters and it kinda puts people down when you say that kind of stuff just cause were younge does not mean anything and everything happens for a reason and if iam pregnant obviously god wants me to have this baby its his choice not anyone elses and if he wants to bless me with a baby then im going to take it.

[Linzola1]

God will bless you when it is the right time. Thats the only way I was able t make it thriugh the miscarriage. Good luck and dont let anyone bring u down.

[prayerful wife]

I just wanted to make a comment.  I'm the last person to preach and fuss, b/c you ladies are absolutely right "it's your life and your decision"!  The only thing these ladies are trying to tell you is that there is a WHOLE world of opportunity out there waiting for you and what you have to offer.  As women we know we can have babies; ultimately that's what we're put here for.  But before you go off having babies take the world by storm and live it up.  I can speak from personal experience I had my 1st son at 18.  I thought I was grown and this man would be the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  This idiot pays no child support, doesn't participate in his sons life, and I've sat up many-a-night wondering how the lights and daycare would get paid.  If it wasn't for the God above I wouldn't have made it this far.  I now can honestly say I've realized God makes no mistakes ladies from EVERY miscarriage you've had including the two the I've had, it happened for a reason.  When it's your season nobody knows better than the man who sits high and looks low and that's when he'll bless you with that little bundle of joy.  I'm now married, back in school, closing on my house, expecting a baby with my HUSBAND and putting my life in the order it should have started in.  I'm 27yrs old, don't be my age looking back on life with shoulda, coulda, wouldas.  Go out make some mega bucks, be your own shot callers and when you meet that man that knows your worth b/c he'll be just as successful then concentrate on rug rats.  You're in my prayers and thoughts...hell I was you!

[AngelF]

I think prayerful wife said it best ladies.  We are NOT trying to preach at you, it's your life & only you can make the ultimate decision. We are just trying to help you to understand the situation better & get you to think b4 you leap.  I'm so sorry for all your losses.  I've never had a m/c, but I know t would really be the worst.  Know this, Jesus loves you & he is here to take the pain away.  All you girls are so young & you have plenty of time to think about children.  I'm not telling you to be married 1st, although the bible does say we should.  I was young & I thought I knew it all.  I've made a lot of mistakes in life, and again I'm not preaching, I' m trying to help.  I thought when I was 18 I was ready to be a mom, who is now my ex-husband (he was my boyfriend at the time) tried to have a baby.  Sometimes we get upset when God desn't give us what we want, but now I thank him.   could of had a baby with a man I fought with all the time, has I don't know how many children now (with different women) & doesn't help support any f them.  Please ladies think about it before you decide.  If you are not finacially set, your living at home, & not in a commited relationship it's not worth it.  Yes, a baby i a wonderful thing, but it has to come at the right time.  If you plan on going to college, it's kinda hard with a baby.  Please just think about it.  If you have even the slightest doubt,then don't do it, it's not fare to your future child.  Again it's a choice only you can make, but I would suggest you pray about it.  Also, once again I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Skylynns_mom]

I just want to say that I was 18 when I got pregnant, had my daughter at 19.  Her Sperm donor left me when i was 6 months prego after being together for 3 years.  I am now 21 engaged, my daughter has father figure, i work, I go to school, I take care of my family, and I pay my bills.  Age is not that big of a deal if you are ready.  I have people telling me all the time what a great job i have done and what a good mother i am.  I am 21 my daughter isnt even 2 yet.  My point is that if you want something bad enough you shouldn't let anyone change your mind.  I am not saying that it is easy, beacuse its not and sometimes it will be VERY hard but the good times make up for that and I think that even people that have children at older ages have a hard time every once in awhile. Anyway just wanted to share my success story since some of the girls seem to be out numbered.  Good luck and make a decission you are POSITVE you want b/c you cant take it back.

[Linzola1]

thank you that is very helpful. Its nice to hear something positive once and a while.

[Cowgirl~]

Thanx that is very helpfull and a appreciate it and i agree with you and im glad someone is on our side and has something positive to say for once. Everyone has a hard time and its not easy for anyone and jsut cause were only 18 well im almsot 19 does not mean that we are not smart and cant do it were done with school im as smart as im going to get and know everything i need to and i think ill be a great mom and my boyfreind/ fiancee with be a great dad and i know he will always be there for us he loves me more then anything in the world will make it work! love is all you need sometimes.

[prayerful wife]

No one is trying to down you, make you feel bad, or give you any negative comments about your life. We're just trying to offer some big sister advice before you cut a piece of the pie that we've already had the unfortunate experience of taking a bit of that's all.  I'm a case worker for my state and I see it every day young girls who mean well, but just didn't know things would turn out the way they did.  If you ladies feel like a baby is the answer to your hopes and dreams by all means go for it.  Myself along with all of the other ladies just trying to be helpful wish you the best.  Life is yours for the living, live it up.  I wish all of you ladies happy healthy babies and a life with a man the cherishes your every need!  From the heart!  

[Skylynns_mom]

No problem I figured you guys could use some help from someone who knows exactly how you feel, and got my baby and we are fine.  we couldn't be better, she is the most important thing in my life and everything i do is for her.

[rachie204]

I hope I can put into words what I am wanting to say.  I am 20 years old.  I was in a commited relationship with a guy when I was 15 and 16.  I know that sounds silly but trust me.  We were very much in love...and i still have a very special place in my heart for this guy.  he was 2 years older than me.  We wanted to be together and my parents wouldn't let us.  We snuck around and figured if we had a baby they couldn't keep us apart.  And we could get married like we wanted.  I wansn't stupid...I knew this guy really loved me and I really loved him.  We tried to have a baby.  We didn't get to see eachother much b/c of my parents..one day I was at his house we had just got done trying to get preagnant when the phone rang and it was another girl.  He had been cheating on me.  I stopped seeing him and he got very angry(as he had some mental issues) and I ended up getting a retraining order.  I found out 2 months later I was pregnant...(with his child).  He was into drugs and I knew it would be best for my child if I didnt tell him about the baby.  I left town and carried out the pregnancy where he could not see me.  I decided to keep the baby.  I still lived at home with my parents who were very upset when they found out I was pg..but by the time I gave birth had fallen inlove with this child.  When I found out I was pregnant I got my life back on track...I strengthened my realtionship with Christ and when my son was 6 months old I started talking to a guy I had dated in the 8th grade.  We fell inlove and he began to take the roll of Father in my childs life.  We got married last may and had a miscarriage this past august at 11 weeks pregnant.  At first I wanted to have another one right away...but after my hormones regulated I decided I wanted to wait a little longer.  We are possibly pregnant now and I actually hope we are...but if not I know God will bless us when the time is right.  I was in a very bad situation and God turned it into something beautiful.  I have the most amazing son in the world.   And a husband that words cannot even began to describe. And my husband is currently adopting my son.  My husband is currently out of town and the comfort of having a truly comitted relationship that I dont have to worry about my husband cheating on me is truly a gift from God.  I can't tell either of you what to do.  I can tell you that living at home with a baby was difficult...even though my parents and I are very close they sometimes wanted to tell me how to raise my child..also I wasn't working b.c of the baby and I felt soo bad when they had to buy me stuff for MY child.  I wanted to finish school but the school wouldnt' work with me so I got my GED.  I really wanted to go to college but didn't have time to study once I started and I decided to get my RealEstate licence.  I wish I could go to college.  I hope oneday I get the chance.  Even married with my husband working fulltime in a good job sometimes money is tight and times are tuff but we tithe our money and give God what belongs to him and he has always made it work.   Would I trade making that baby when I was 16...Nope not in a million years.  But did I really know what I was getting into...not at all.  I love my son and Husband more than anything but I can tell you there are many times when my friends are going out and I do wish I could go with them...or they are buying themselves clothes at the mall and I can't b/c my son needs something or i have to pay a $200 dollar light bill the next day.  Also babies are wonderful....people say they are alot of work...i would disagree..they are alot of money but the real work kicks in when they become a toddler and you cant trade them in for another infant who sleeps eats and poops all day.  Sometime I break down and cry b/c I have the most strong willed child in the world. I have shared my story and hopefully helped in some way.  The only advice I can give you is to 1st wait until your hormones are back to normal before you decide anything...and second I suggest you pray to God about the decision to have a child.   And then listen to Him and do His will.  Also if I was dating someone and they said they wanted to be in my life forever and they wanted to have a child with me I would make them make a true commitment and marry me first.  If they really love you nothing should stop them.  I hope I have helped and not offended I am simply telling you my story..my happiness and my regreats.  If you have any questions I will be glad to answer them.  I hope you find what you are looking for.

[prayerful wife]

I commend you for your honesty, and thank you for those powerful words.  I'm glad to see that God has moved in your life and he's blessed you with a man that you have the pleasure of calling your husband.  It gets hard and we make a lot of mistakes and we'll continue to make mistakes everyday we get out of the bed.  Whether it be that harsh word you said or the bird you flip to the car in front of you.  Either way it goes, as long as we keep a level head and open heart God will continue to pour us out blessings that we wont even know how to receive.  You get me standing ovation award today, GOOD JOB!

[rachie204]

Thanks for the kind words.  Truth is I want other girls to make the best decision they can but I have been there and I know that there is nothing someone could have told me at the time to keep me from doing what I thought I wanted to do.  I can only pray others not be as hasty in their decisions as I was.  Thanks again

[Leanne.]

I no excacly wot u mean i was realy excited wen i got preg i cudnt of bin happier bt sadly i misscaried at 8 weeks preg it broke my heart and i felt realy empty and i realy wantd 2 try again eventualy 4 mnth l8a i was preg again i was thrilled until i had my 12 week scan n was told i was having a phantom pregnancy wer ther wer a sac but no feotus 1day later i misscaried 2 placenta bt no baby it was very painful im 18 and trying 4 a bby again bt am realy scared incasd it dusnt wrk out i say follow ur heart

[Linzola1]

Where did you come up with that i am not married? I got married in May and I believe the Lord will make it possible for me to have a baby. My husband and I are very faithful that we will get pregnant. We own our home and we are doing great. I feel like I was judged by the fact that I was supportive of the ladies that are my age although I was lucky to find the man that I will spend the rest of my life with at a very young age.

[rachie204]

I'm sorry if I offended you..there were one or two girls who said their boyfriend or fiance were comitted to them or they lived at home and wanted to have a baby. I still suggest waiting until hormone levels stabalize.  Right after the miscarriage I thought I wanted to have a baby as soon as we could..but after my body and emotions returned to normal I realized that I actually wanted to wait a while.  We are possibly pregnant again but we did not try and if we are not I am planning on waiting until probably Jan or Feb.  Everone is entitled to their own opinions and should make their own decisions I am just sharing my story and experiance to those who want it. Best of luck

[Linzola1]

Its okay. I felt that you were putting me down. I am married and very happily. But I do agree about the waiting thing. That is good advice.

[rachie204]

I don't mean to put you down...I dont even mean to put those who are not married down b/c  I was pregnant and then a mother who was not married for over 2 years...but for those who's boyfriend or fiance say they want to be with them forever I personally would make that guy marry me before I got in a position where I was pregnanct with his child.  Just something I learned from experiance.  Actions speak much louder than words. Once again I had my names mixed up Linzola1 and appoligise for that.

[AngelF]

First Rachie I would like to commend you on your post.  There is a lot of truth in what you wrote. I would like to say I'm sorry for what you experienced at such a young age, but the Lord turned it into something great.  I was married at 19 & before I was married my ex & I tried to conceive, we continued trying when we were married.  I loved him so much & I thought he could never hurt me.  Turned out he got his brother's girlfriend along with a few others preg.  All I can say now is Thank God for unanswered prayers.  Sometimes what we think we want is not what the Lord has planned for us.  I look at these girls he's gotten preg & their lives are awful.  These children don't have a father.  I'm not saying this will happen to you girls, but please think b4 you make a decision that will change your whole life.  You may think it's fun & looks so great, but also think it's an endless job. We are not here to put you down or tell you what to do, we are here out of love & concern for you.  It's a decision only you can make, but please pray to the Lord for guidance first.  You have plenty of time to have a baby.  If you decide & feel that it is God's will for your life to have one right now... then that's great & nobody can stop you.  We are only trying to tell you from experience how much life you have ahead of you.  I don't doubt you are mature young ladies.  I'm only 22 (23 in Nov) myself.  I'm just saying don't be in such a hurry to grow up.  Enjoy every minute God gives you.  And once again if you decide to have a baby now, then that's great & we are all happy for you.  Just think before you do please, that baby needs a home, clothes, formula, food, and it doesn't have to have one but it wants one.. a father.  G'luck to all of you & may God bless your lives!  

[rachie204]

an endless job...that is a very good way to describe it.  At 3 in the morning when you are feeding an infant or cleaning up puke and diarrhea from your 3 year old.  :)   Thanks for you words AngelF

[AngelF]

no prob.  I'm not a mom yet, but I use to take care of my ex's.  I know how much responsibilty goes with it.  My hubby & I are now trying for one & praying about it

[rachie204]

Good Luck!!! :)

[AngelF]

thanks a lot :)  I'm just waiting it out now....  I hate waiting.  The Lord did not give me patience unfortuanitly.  I'm awful, I know.  

[tandria03]

I am sorry if I offended the women on this page.  Like many of the other women have pointed out, we are just speaking from experience and not trying to tell anyone what to do, just to consider all that is involved.  By the way, I am only 24.  I was engaged at 19 and married at 20 to the man I have been with since I was 16.  I have a 14 month old that took me two years to get pregnant with and I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with my second.  I am not judging young relationships in any way.  I am saying that I know how hard it can be when you have a baby and you are young and don't have a lot.  I am just asking that everyone consider every aspect of whether they feel prepared to provide for a baby in every way before they try to get pregnant. Thank you prayful wife, rachie204, and AngelF for trying to help clarify what all are trying to get across.  The ability to discuss differing opinions without anger, resentment, and defensiveness are a true sign of maturity.  By the way Cowgirl, I'd like to point out that I never said married, I said commited relationship and in you previous post you did not mention that you and your boyfriend were engaged.  I think all the women were more concerned that you both lived with your parents, but maybe that is something you both are doing until you get married.  Unfortunately if we don't get the whole story, we can only go off of what we are given.  I was also engaged at 19-its not something I would ever judge.  Same thing to Linzola1.  I was in the same situation as you.  I don't think anyone is saying you and your husband shouldn't be trying to have a baby.

[Cowgirl~]

Well i started my preiod (period) so im not pregnant so congratulations to all you older women who said that us younger ladies should not be gettting pregnant at this age. I do get what some of you mean but no affense some of you think that out Boyfreinds wont stay by us just becuase you had a boyfreind that did not say by you. I do thank you for your comments but its not always the same as everyone, some guys are good guys and wont leave i mean a guy that your engaged to is not gonna leave if your pregnant and there are some pretty awesome boyfreinds who wont either. My fiance never had his parents around cause they just left him and his brothers so he knows how it is and would never do that to his children he knows how it feels. I am not trying for a baby and i was not trying this time either i do want a baby very badly.... but iam going to wait but if it happends as an accident i will still be happy. It is true that everyone is having babys and i want one becuase i misscarried but i do know i should wait not wait till im married but untill we atleast have our own place together. so thanks and bye...

[rachie204]

best of luck Cowgirl

[bloganh]

i am 17 will be 18 at the end of april, i had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and two days, me and my boyfriend were also devestated when we found out we lost our baby, i too have been told i am mature for my age and i am three credits away from getting my diploma(boyfriend has already graduated) we make enough money to make a baby happy but also not enough to give it everything ... he already has a child from a previous relationship and we both know it would be best to wait a year or two before trying again , although we think i might be pregant right now!! we would like a baby right now to fill the hole in our hearts but we really would like to wait so we can give both children everything they need!!!

[cheerfulhomemaker]

I can't even bare to read all the comments. What's all this advice about "living your life" before you have children? What could be better in life than children? My only advice is to get married before you try to get pregnant.
P.S. -- I'm in my fifth pregnancy after ten years of faithful marriage, so I have the right to offer this advice!

[tarajanes]

Ive been in a faithful relationship,for nearly 7 years,and we are trying for a child,you dont have to be married,just be good to be in a stable relationship.

[bloganh]

i only said wait so that she can be financially stable by the time she tries again ... thats what my boyfriend and i are trying to do

[itsMEme]

I honestly know how you feel!
I'm 24, and I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, I think it is programmed in some of us (sometimes more so than in other peeps).  I wanted baby when I was 18, but decided to put it off! You need to fill your time with other things, and if you know people with children spend time with them it may help.
I still have dreams about babys/motherhood almost every month, and I constantly think about it/them.  However I'm extremely glad I didnt have a baby at 18 my boyfriend at the time was not 'the one', and i can not think of any one of my friends who has stayed with the same person they were with at 18. I went to university and now have good(ish) job/wage,
However once you have a child a couldn't imagine you ever regrett it no matter what your age/situation! and if you have lots of support you can always struggle and achieve things later on in life.

[Jame0223]

Wow. Thanks for everyone's comment. There was ALOT of feedback! Ive been with my boyfriend for two years now, so I have faith in him that he wouldn't go anywhere. We both do make enough money. We live with my parents, but I don't see a need to move out just because I get pregnant. I don't plan on moving out anytime soon anyways. We have plenty of room at home. My mom was excited when I told her I was pregnant. We would not have struggled. I want to have a baby. I know it'll change my life, but Id love that change in my life. I think I am ready for it. My boyfriend and I are already talking about getting married anyways. Lots of people ask us if we are married and when they do we always say we might as well be. I do want to go to school, but I have a good job at the moment. I was thinking about just doing online school, which would give me time to be with my baby anyways. Like I said Im not going to try to get pregnant but if I do im most certainly going to be thrilled.