Right way to handle it

[Hope4Life08]

Okay so I have been married for 4 years & not married to him for love but to get him out of paying me child support. He has cheated, is verbally abusive, doesnt have a job etc. We have one 3 year old daughter. I met another man who is married & a father to 5...yes I know alot. He does take care of his children, is very respectful etc. He wants no more children & last sept I had had to have my pregnancy terminated via c-section, my right tube removed & was told I have an 80% blockage on the left that I wouldn't likely ever conceive again. I did inform the other gentleman that I am seeing of everything that happened in the past & that I am not supposed to get pregnant but that it could still happen. IDK what happen & I feel like such a hypocrite but It was an in the moment type of thing it happened it was unprotected. I always said I wouldn't put myself in this situation so here I am. Now what to do. I am pregnant by this married man & dont know what to do. I havent told anyone that im pregnant yet. Do I tell the married man? do i keep it from him? what to tell my husband? I have been debating on it all. I was debating should I ask the married man to give me a paternity test ill cover it and all just to see who the daddy is. I can do it through amnio & im willing to. I told him from the get go I wouldnt ask anything of him if I were to ever get pregnant No child support nada. It isnt something he wanted so its on me for not being protected and covered. I just dont know how to go about all this. Any advice ill accept. Just please no ugly things. I already know what I did was wrong I do & feel awful about it. But it was done. I cant change it. I just need to take the best road ahead.

[cutie_pie84]

Wow that's a lot to deal with all at once. The outcome could go in virtually any direction. You never know how either of them will react to you or about the pregnancy. I recognized that you started off your story by down playing your husband and your marriage to him. Although he very well may be all the things you portray him to be but, its questionable of your character to not only marry a person like that but to continue to stay married to him. It might have been easier and wiser for you to have just taken him to court to help support the children you have together instead of digging the hole deeper so to speak. That being said, you are now in a vulnerable and risky situation. What I would do is first seriously think of what you want for your child. Is it support? Is it to hold onto your lover? Is it just knowing who fathered the child? Do you want to be a family with whomever fathered the child.. etc. This has to start with you first. Get checked,see how far along you are,if you'll be able to carry the child safely in your condition. AFTER all that, is when I would first talk to your lover and see how he feels and what he wants. Then dwell on that for a while BEFORE you tell your husband. Id even have the blood test before id talk to my husband. To keep everyone from being in limbo. It'd be easier to tell him with certainty one way or the other. Because once you tell hubby, your marriage "may" very well be over with. He is the one obligated to you and vice versa. Everyone makes mistakes. Not trying to sound too harsh but you put yourself in a horrible position and made it worse by not taking extra precaution. From the sound of things its going to be a hard task either way. Just be careful with everyones emotions including your own. Good luck. I hope all goes well with you.

[mamaof4410]

First of all I will not judge you no one is perfect. NO ONE.

Having said that you need to come clean with both sides.
If you do not love your husband lying to him isn't going to help the situation any more. But now your bringing a child into it which can only complicate things more. If there is nothing left between you and your husband you need to call it quits. Not having to pay child support is not an option. You have a child with him and another (possibly) on the way. It's his responsibility job or no job to provide for them. Thats a chance you take when you have children with someone and things don't work out. He needs to know the truth and youn need to tell him if you want any chance at being happy. And I mean telling him you don't want to be with him If that is the case. Hold off on the baby part until you know for sure. There is no point on opening a can of worms (yet) that doesnt need to be opened.

As for the other guy..You need to tell him and let him make the decision wether he wants to stick around or not since he made it very clear from the begining what he did not want out of this. But he also made a concious decision to have unprotected sex with you knowing what could result from that. I dont know if a doctor will do an Amnio just for paternity given there is no need for it medically. They will more than likely make you wait until the baby is born for this. But you need to tell him about the pregnancy.
If your not happy regardless if the baby is your hubbies or not you need to tell him you are not happy. the longer you wait the harder it's going to be. If you feel it's best to tell him about the other man then thats up to you. But if your'e not happy get out now. Theres no point in dragging it out. Two wrongs don't make a right but when someone is emotionally wrecked from years of abuse be it verbal or mental they break. Which is what you did. That doesn't make you a bad person. But you need to come clean and tell him your marriage has run it's course. Best of Luck to you!  
The women here are very supportive and understanding. They will be honest and help you the best they can.