SA smoking

[katie_1989]

Ive heard my bf say a million times he is going to quit and a million times he does not. I used to believe him but after so many attempts i just ignored him. I seriously thought that when we found out i was pregnant he would stop. That was going to be his reason to. He has yet to stop. Every time he is around his family or friends who smoke he does too. I cant stand the smell of cigarettes especially on him. I have told him that he will not hold our child if he smells like smoke and either will anyone else. I need help getting him to stop. I know its his decision but i will not and refuse to have my child around it. Help!

[JahnaMomma]

You're welcome, it's tough I know, but unfortunately it is what it is.  Also if he wears disposable rubber gloves while smoking it won't stink up his skin as bad.

[katie_1989]

Thanks! I definitely like the changing clothes n washing hands n arms n face.. just makes me nervous. I know he will agree to that!

[JahnaMomma]

Addicts don't quit anything for anyone, not even themselves. The will only quit when they are ready to. If I were you, I'd start finding ways to just live with it. It's not realistc for you to expect him to quit. It's the healthiest thug for sure, but he isn't going to budge. I dealt with this my first marriage & 7 years into it realized, ya know what? This guy isn't going to quit! Lol do for 3 more years him smoking wasn't an issue anymore because I let it go. He was the same, I was just happier because I wasn't complaining all the time haha. Just set rules, like washing hands & face & changing his shirt before he holds baby. It's really all u can do.

[Emilee99]

Unless he wants to change, he wont. My parents smoke and I was adamant that they wear a smoking shirt or jacket or whatever and change their clothes before they held my son. And if I smelled it on them, they weren't allowed to hold him. Plain and simple. My son was a preemie and one thing they said over and over was even smoke on clothes can affect his breathing and cause issues. Even if the twins im carrying aren't premature it will be the same. I've tried working on them for years... they won't quit. I even bought them an electronic cigarette in an attempt to help them wean. Didn't work. It's something. Just like with an alcoholic, that they have to really want for themselves. But by all means, set rules and don't feel bad for enforcing them. You have a little one to protect :)

[organicmama]

You can't make an alcoholic quit, they have to be ready themselves and make the choice themselves. You can only help yourself live with the addict and not be hurt by it and not enable it, through groups like al-anon, which is for loved ones of alcoholics. Same thing with smoking. You can't make someone quit. If you try to force them when they aren't ready you will just cause resentment for both parties. You can share your concerns with him about his health and the health of the baby and set boundaries (no smoking in the hiuse or you will leave, for instance) but in the end its his choice. If he wants to try, you could recommend e cigarettes. They help a lot of people quit. Not the same but at least its nicotine replacement and provides an activity. Could also recommend lozenges or gum buy they are probably a little less effective unless he is determined. Addiction is a serious issue that's physical and psychological, its very hard to break. Good luck. :(

[katie_1989]

I can argue all day with you about this but i dont care to. Guess i should have specified and asked ladies who are or have gone through this. All i want to do is help him just like someone would help an alcoholic so any advice would be great.. like treatment or classes or info :)

[RockRose]

I'm not trying to be rude at all,  Britt.  You can't pick a guy with a seriously addictive habit and then not want a guy with that habit.  If you don't want to be in a relationship with a smoker,  pick a guy who doesn't smoke.  

Women who pick a guy and then start to work on him to change him into what she wanted to have in a  man end up with a belly full of bitterness.  

When you go to pick a partner,  watch how he behaves and what he does,  and if you like what you see,  keep him.  If you don't,  move on.

The thing is,  he's not going to quit.  This is a part of his personality - he's a smoker.  Any advice on different ways to make him quit won't work.

[Britt8826]

That was pretty rude, I don't really think it matters why she chose to be with her man, and there's nothing wrong with trying and helping him kick a bad habit

[katie_1989]

Him smoking doesn't change his personality or our feelings towards each other. I want him to quit so he can be healthy for himself and our family.  I want to help him.

[RockRose]

Katie,  why did you do this?  Why did you pick a boyfriend that smokes,  and get pregnant,  when you don't want a boyfriend who smokes?