salt in a wound

[lcgnyc]

I'm going in for my second D&C in 4 months tomorrow.  Why do medical facilities forget that they are there to treat human beings and not just execute procedures and push papers?

I'm being seen at Columbia Pres in NYC, one of the top places in NY and in the country.  The technician who conducted yesterday's sonogram was very nice.  She must have pressed the panic button because the doctor on call came in and very coldly announced something to the effect of "Yeah.  There's no heartbeat.  Sorry.  These things happen."  She patted me on the knee and left.

We then met with a midwife (she was very nice) who said I might have an evacuation rather than a D&C.  She gave me a number to call to schedule the procedure.  I left two messges with that office yesterday but no one called me back.  After calling around again this morning, I finally got through to someone there.  

I asked her whether I was having a D&C or an evacuation.  The woman was wholly incapable of telling me what procedure I would be having done.  After some back and forth I said - "I just want to know the name of the specific procedure I am having done and I want to know what to expect."

First she said evacuation.  Then D&C.  Then they were kind of the same.  Then she put me on hold.  Came back and said "they use the aspiration thingy."  I kid you not.  "The aspiration thingy."  (I parroted back what she said and she seemed to understand that the choice of words was less than ideal).  I asked her who told her that.  "One of the girls here.". At that point I asked to speak to a doctor.  

Then the woman for whom I'd left 2 messages yesterday came on and scheduled the "thingy" for tomorrow afternoon.  She solved the mystery - it'll be a D&C because I'm fewer than 14 weeks along.

I also called my obstetrician today.  Asked for a return call to discuss next steps.  Her assistant called me to say I should schedule an appt in 4 weeks.  Maybe I'm being sensitive, but is a return call from one's OB too much to ask?

My cats are treated with more compassion by the veterinary technician.  Why make an already painful process so much more difficult?

[Renogirl]

I'm so sorry you had this experience.  My suggestion would be - look for another doctor.  I was so fortunate in being blessed with wonderful caring doctors - when we had our miscarriage - our doctor was amazing as was his staff.  I will never be able to say enough about how they helped me through the whole horrible time.  If you are unhappy with this doctor - then find one who will treat you with kindness and respect - as everyone deserves.  

[Miranda9]

Hi Laura,
I'm sorry for your loss and that you had to suffer such insensitivity.  There is no excuse.  

People get immune from doing their same jobs day in and day out, but still, that is no excuse.  I'm a fundraiser for an international aid agency and I never take any of my donors for granted.  I am always consciously aware that they have chosen to support our work and I can imagine how lousy I would be if I didn't value my relationships with them.

And yes, my vet, too,  has a better bedside manner than my RE, who preaches of his "patient centred" philosophy.  

I go to a "top" clinic in Toronto.  Minutes before my D&C in September, my RE sees me in tears but that didn't stop him from laughing and joking with the nurse about his craving for cabbage rolls and where he should buy his lunch.  

[lcgnyc]

You are all so very kind and sweet.  Thank you.  The doctor who performed the D&C was the kind of doctor they all should be.  I'm comfortable and doing ok.  I hope to have happy news to report back soon.

[usuk]

Sorry about your loss and your **** doctors. You are right about the dog. It's because they get paid cash. When my dog got cancer in 1997, I went to the Univ of Pennsylvania. She had a Dr, a nurse, and a student/resident. They also sent in a social worker. My dad flipped his lid. My mom went 6 months with an undiagnosed brain tumor and they told her the headaches were from menopause. And the friggin' dog got a SOCIAL WORKER.

There is only one silver lining here. These losses happen to dozens of people a week in those big hospitals, and although it breaks your heart it is common to them so you are not alone. They will be more compassionate in person then on the phone. Sending hugs. You'll be okay.

[BLS1971]

Hi Laura

Oh dear. I am so sorry to hear first about your sad news and second about how these "professionals" are treating you. Part of being a professional is communicating well with your patients, who are your clients. I know that these people deal in this business and everything is routine for them, but a modicum of sensitivity when you are clearly suffering a loss is certainly not too much to ask.

I wish for you to have a much better experience with these people in the future, and that you find some peace so that you can look forward to carrying a healthy baby.

Much support,
Bonnie

[lcgnyc]

Thanks, Everyone.  I really appreciate your support and words of encouragement.  

In NYC I'm finding that although the big research hospital clinics (Cornell, Columbia) offer cutting edge treatments, equipment, facilities and doctors with fancy pedigrees (and importantly, accept insurance), they sacrifice bedside manner and operate more like assembly lines.  In this case, between Tuesday's m/c diagnosis and this afternoon's D&C, I will have seen at least one billing admin, one technician, two doctors, one midwife and two receptionsists.  I will have placed six phone calls and spent about 45 minutes on the phone.  And I will have gone to two diferent facilities on opposite ends of Manhattan.

Although equally excellent doctors with their own practices and reputations for excellent bedside manner (and privileges at the big research hospitals) abound - they often don't accept insurance.

All the best to all of you, and I hope to report back soon with some happy news.

Laura

[adgal]

With my first m/c the Dr. at the emergency room that confirmed it was so clinical as well.  I think they just get so jaded they sometimes forget how devestating an experience this can be for us.  I'm sorry your being made to feel this way and I am so very sorry for your loss.  I wrote a letter to the hospital letting them know how I felt, perhaps you should do the same?  Sometimes I think they need a reminder that there is real people involved here.  Take good care.

[piggy2]

I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this.  I also think that in some places, no matter where you are or what caliber the hospital you will always have insensitive people.  I work in the health profession, and I don't know why, but some of the people I work with should really choose a different field, but the majority of them (us) really do care about our patients and are concerned for their welfare.  

Things will hopefully go better and you will be able to move on after this.  Good Luck!

[AliceW]

I am so so sorry they are treating you this way. I don't understand how someone can go into this specialty and not have (or at least be mentored in showing) basic compassion. And that goes the same for whether they're a physician or the receptionist. Some sensitivity training ought to be standard. But, I apologise for ranting instead of wishing you well--I hope things go as smoothly as they can.

[traceynjar]

Sorry for what you are experiencing.
I don't think you are being too sensitive, I think some medical professionals these days are more interested the bottom line (money) than being compassionate with regards to their patients feeling (especially in a situation such as yours)
Know that its okay to feel what you are feeling, you aren't wrong, just human, and sometimes I think that doctors forget to be human as well.
Again, sorry for what you are going through, I wish you well and hope you recover and will be feeling better soon.