Help with Two year olds tantrums...

[dainsey]

Hi girls!
I also posted this on the Maternal & Child forum as I don't know what one was best.  If you have another recommendation, let me know!

I'm so frustrated and don't know how to handle my daughters tantrums.  She's 2 years and 2 months old and she goes to daycare and they say she is great.  She follows directions, she behaves and interacts well with other kids.  When she's at home she's great until she doesn't get her way and then whines and crys until she gets it (we're trying to not give in to her). When we take her out she refuses to sit in the stroller and throws a complete tantrum!  I was so embarrased the other night I wanted to die....I'm starting to think something is wrong with her :-(  Is this normal for a 2 year old?  We have to take a long flight soon and I'm soo worried about it... Any advice?

[PamelaBee]

Wait til you hit the 3yr old tantrums LOL...My son has had some pretty intense fits, the kind where he's crying so hard he won't breath and his lips start to turn a hinge of blue??  Very very normal.  I have learned to remain calm even though he is completely spastic, and keep him safe.  He can rant and rave, but I make sure he can't hurt himself.  The frustration is usually sparked by something so small, and usually escalates because they can''t fully express what they want to say.  I will do whatever I have too-to difuse the tantrum, whether it be, hold him close, or show an interest in something else close to him, then he always wants to see what I'm doing...but to answer your question...yes, totally normal and very common.  Remember this, noone else will feel as embarrassed as you will.  The mother always seems to feel the most embarrassed and "looked at" in public settings when their little one is acting out.  We were just out for breakfast the other morning and my son wanted to stand on the booth seat and play with the window shades...I put him in the sit position and said SIT DOWN!   Then of course the 3yr old mind went off!  I felt like the biggest spectacle. My husband just smiled and said...Pam, it's ok, noone is freaking out as much as you are. And for the people that judge or give looks, they can just kiss my A@@!!  I've been told it passes...we'll see : )

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd give her the chance to choose.  She controls herself, she gets a sticker.  She does not control herself, she does not get a sticker.  Her choice.  It's one thing to try to persuade and think of good arguments or bribes or the right combination of words that flow from you to her, but it is a lot better if the decision, to suck it in or to lose it, is her own decision.  Her brain shifts from outbursts to learning that she can control her attitude.  

She's a little bit young for this kind of deliberation, after all, at 2 kids' emotions are pretty primitive.  But when it's a public situation (so different a setting than at home, also not as familiar), she might be able to distinguish that in an unfamiliar setting we don't act this way.  She's not too young to discern that different places have different rules.

Another thing (very basic) is to make sure she is getting enough sleep.  Some kids reach the end of their rope pretty easily when they are tired.

Good luck, I hope your travel works out.

[kris71]

what your daughter is going through is totally normal. I had the same issues with my son.. he's almost 3 now and he still has tantrums but they're different and sometimes can even test my patience more because he's older and smarter and is experimenting on how far he can push things. Unfortunately, once most toddlers hit a certain age - they don't want to sit in the stroller, they dont' want to sit in a restaurant, they don't want to do anything you want them to do and if she has a tantrum out in public and you're that embarrassed then try to avoid those type of situations for your own sanity. when my son was 2 years 2 mos, i couldn't get him to do ANYTHING. Everything was a fight. I couldn't get him dressed, i couldn't change his diaper, i couldn't get him in the bath, i couldn't get him out of the bath, i couldn't get his teeth brushed. I thought i was losing my mind.  You just have to learn to pick your battles. it will get better and you will learn how to handle things better as well. it's all part of this exciting journey of being a mom! As far as the flight, try to bring fave toys and buy a couple new things (don't let her see them until you get on the plane) Also, portable dvd players are GREAT! :) good luck!