How/When to tell families...

[seg107]

Hi -
I'd love some advice on how and when to tell our families we're expecting.  Of course they'll be thrilled..but its not 100% good news.  

We've been trying for a couple years, had a misscarrage last year and got pregnant in late May after one IUI session.  The pregnancy has been anything but text book.  I'm 13.5 weeks and  have alreay had at least 7 ultrasounds and 2 Level 2s.  Each appointment there was more (potential) bad news.  I'll summarize a bit!

Week 5 - Beta HCG levels didn't double - was told its probably not a viable pregnancy and to expect to miscarry

Week 5.5 - Experienced severe cramps - had ultrasound to diagnose etopic.  Ultrasound showed a sac in the uterus.  Not etopic!! :-)

Week 6:  Ultrasound - no fetal pole or heartbeat.  Told we probably had a 50/50 chance of miscarrying

Week 7:  Ultrasound - no heartbeat :-(

Week 8:  Strong heartbeat detected!....but, was told the baby was measuing about 4 days too small.  Again, about a 50/50 chance of miscarrying

Week 10:  Measurements look good - but wait, 2 heartbeats?  They saw 2 hearbeats, but only one sac.  Sent me for a 3D Ultrasound because they thought they were conjoined!

3D ultrasound confirmed they were mono/mono twins - sharing an amniotic sac, no membrane seperating the two babies.  They told me this is extremely rare/high risk:  cord entanglement & twin to twin transfusion syndrom.  They gave me about a 30% chance of a good outcome.  Couldn't rule out conjoined.  What a day!!

Week 10.5:  3D ultrasound - 90% sure they're not conjoined.  Finally some good news...but one baby had some thickening at the back of the neck.  They didn't do an NT at that point, but i know what that could indicate...

Tomorrow (Week 12.5):  I'm going in for the NT test...


My husband wants to tell our families tomorrow after the NT test.  I'm still so unsettled and feel like somethign could go wrong at any time.  I'm not showing at all and I'd really rather wait..

However, its important to my husband - so, i'll likely agree to tell the families tomorrow.  So now my question is how?  Its not a simple:  "We're having a baby!" - I feel like we need to be sober about it because nothing is definite, but at the same time I don't want to be a complete downer.

I should point out that at no point did we ever consider terminating the pregnancy, even though the doctors did offer up that option.  Our stand on that will not change....

Would love some advice!  Sorry for the super long post!

[shuga1109]

I have mixed feelings.  My honey and I so badly want a baby.  I am 35.  And I can't imaging going through what you have.  I went through week, by week, by week of ultrasounds and the docs telling me that I was going to lose the baby.  Unfortunately, I did.  My fiance asked that I not tell anyone that I was pregnant because I was bleeding and every week we got bad news. He had also gone through this before in a past relationship and did not want to get his hopes up. So, I didn't.  But, it hurt so bad to go through week by week of ultrasounds and bad news and had no shoulder to cry on because he wanted to keep it a secret until we were clear of danger.  I suffered a great deal and greived the loss.  I understood why he wanted to keep it a secret, but at the same time, I payed a good price for it.  Good luck.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

[ellbarnes]

Well, I told my parents when I was 8 weeks but didn't tell the rest of my family until last week.  I am waiting until my first ultrasound to tell anyone else, just in case.  Being 35, I'm nervous that things could go wrong.  I've never been pregnant before, haven't had any issues like other people have mentioned.  I had bloodwork but didn't hear anything so I assume that everything is okay.

I know for me, I had planned to wait until week 13 to tell people, ie friends, co workers.  

Hope this helps a little.

[SherriD87]

Do you feel that you need to get the NT test?  You did say that you would continue with the pregnancy, so why put yourself through finding out what might not be true?  The less stress the better.  If your family and friends are supportive then I'd say tell them.  You'll feel better knowing that you have so many people you can talk to.  Good luck to you!  

[frank_noahsmommy]

I also told everyone from the get go that I was pg with all 6 of my pregnancys. Unfortunately 3 have ended in m/c and I am currently 5 weeks pg an don't really know the outcome yet. I believe surrounding yourself with positivity can help, and if the worst does happen people will know why you are down, and they will not wonder what is wrong. Sometimes I wish I waited, but when you get pg and you have been ttc for a long time you jjust want to shout it out to everyone that you finally did it!! I hav egotten so much love and support from my family and friends throughout everything from BFP to m/c's.

[KarenDiane]

I'm sorry that this pregnancy isn't the happy, carefree time that it should be. Personally, I shared my news with everyone the day I got my positive test. I just couldn't help myself. I see why you want to keep this under wraps awhile longer. I suppose I would tell just the people closest to you and make sure they understand the risks that this pregnancy has. They may be a great support for you and hubby.

[seattleview]

First, let me say how sorry I am that you are going through all this. Now I feel silly for not wanting to share my news with friends and family due to the fact that I've been spotting/bleeding off and on since my 8th week, with one big gush of bright watery bleeding last week that scared the daylights out of me. I am now 13 weeks, have had 4 ultrasounds (two very early ones due to this being an IVF pregnancy) and am going in for a 5th on Friday to once again try to determine the cause of the bleeding.  We started sharing at 11 weeks with family and very close friends - primarily because I have been gaining weight like a food eating contest champion and I didn't want everyone to think I was just getting fat (silly, I know). All that being said, I'm still a little anxious about the spotting and the fact that I'm 35 years old, so kind of wish we hadn't told anyone yet in the off chance that something does go wrong. But unfortunately there's that rare chance throughout the entire pregnancy...My husband and I are very private people, so even though people have only known for a couple weeks, I am already getting kind of annoyed by questions, comments, and unsolicited advice. No one knew we were TTC and they certainly don't know about the IVF...I wish we would have kept the pregnancy itself a secret for a little while longer just so we could enjoy our "victory" privately and also in case anything does go wrong - I'm not the kind of person who enjoys attention or sympathy/pity, so happy or sad news this is all a bit challenging for me.  Sorry for my ramble - I probably didn't help you at all. I guess my point is that if I were you I wouldn't share just yet...but I know it seems like most people want/need the support network if something does go horribly wrong. I'm just not one of those people.