what should i ask?? help

[slk714]

i am 13 weeks pregnant, and went to my new OB/GYN last week. we had a terrible personality conflict. she made me feel HORRIBLE about having my first child at 35. i am now depressed and need to find a new Dr. i guess i just thought they all had some compassion and bed side manner. to the "expert" moms out there, can you offer any advice as to what questions to ask while calling a new office. i know they say to "interview" them, but if i cant get past the reception desk, what would i ask them??? i am very confused, scared, and in shell shock from last week. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
thank you

[Sheri1972]

Whoa! That is horrible!

I had a "consultation" appointment with the nurse practitioner first, where I could sit down and ask lots of questions.  They were very thorough, and didn't blink about my age, but when they started in on the speech about amnio, I held up my hand, said, "I'm a geneticist"  quoted all the risk percentages (the nurse didn't even remember these) and promptly stated I would be having a nuchal transparency test and the quad blood test screen, and that was all I needed.  That shut them up pretty fast! LOL!  

Definitely ask about how many AMA patients they have, and if it's possible, do some research online to see if you can find recommendations or reviews. I actually got my OBs recommendation from a friend who loved her, so I lucked out.

Sheri

[slk714]

thank you all so much, some good news, i found a new Dr, thanks to the confidence i found on this and one other forum and am happy to report i see him April 29th. not only does he come highly recommended for his wonderful bedside manner, even at my old age....lol..but he also is experienced with some of my other issues.

thanks again, i can always count on this forum when i am in need of answers.

[40smama]

I second getting a new dr - there are so many women delivering at or after 35 - heck, I'm 44 and I never got any c r a p from my dr.  In fact he loves telling me stories about how he loves dealing w/his older patients as they're more educated and willing to take medical advice, etc.  Maybe, go for a consult before selecting a new dr might help??  So sorry that you had to go through this!!!  No woman should have to be treated like that - best wishes!!

[tahariel]

oh my gosh, definitely go look for a different doctor! Your pregnancy should be a happy one to enjoy, not to have to deal with obnoxious medical personal. We may hear comments like that out in the real world from ignorant people, but not from your ob/gyn. After you find a good doctor, I would even file a formal complain in writing or in a personal meeting with the lead physician and let them know exactly why you are leaving their practice.

We made an appointment with our ob/gyn when first getting pregnant. We spent about 15 minutes talking with him. It was great to hear his perspectives and get to know his personality. We found it a good fit and we've been very happy. Best wishes!

[slk714]

thanks for your response, yes, even the nurse was very negative towards me. they scared me to death, telling me not constructively how old i am, do i know how risky this is. i know they have to inform you of risks, but shouldnt they do it with some compassion. i left there feeling so bad about myself! even during the ultrasound, my happiest moment to see my baby, the Dr threw the picture at me and walked out. i should have gone with my instincts and walked out, but being on public aid and waiting forever for an appt i was just thankful to be seen.
thanks again, will be looking for new Dr!

[cpatow]

Man that stinks. I' would seriously not lose another minute's sleep over it and just tell them to go pound sand. Seroiusly. It is so common-place these days to have kids over 35 so I'm willing to bet your doc was not the norm for your area. When you call I"d ask them what percentage of their practice deals with moms delivering over the age of 35, which is what the OB medical community deems "AMA" or Advanced Maternal Age.

I had to deal with one comment from one ignorant nurse who nearly pushed me to have an amnio despite me not wanting one. She made some quip about age and I was very offended, but aside from that, from the age-perspective, my practice has been good. My new doc w/in my practice even put his hand on my foot last time and said, "I've got to tell you, my wife had the first of our kids at the age of 42 1/2 so you are in great hands". I'm 40 now.

Good luck.