midlife pregnancy & older male siblings 16 & 10

[Zachs]

My wife and I are young parents. I'm 33, and she's 37. We had our first son very young in 1994 (unplanned), and had our second son (planned), in 2000. We had practiced safe sex remedies to avoid pregnancy close to 10 years, but to our suprise my wife has become pregnant unexpectedly. We have done nothing different recently to what we've done in the past. So now her pregnancy is extremely worrisome for us since we had nice plans for ourselves once our kids were off to college or on their own. Now these plans have been put another 18+ years ahead.

We know what to do... I guess we are still in shock, and are looking for some suggestions or maybe others have had this experience and would like to  offer comfortable words of wisdom.

We are excited in some ways, and depressed in others.

Thanks in advance!

[adgal]

I'm so happy to hear that.  I sort of thought that once the shock wore off the excitment would set in.  I am wishing your wife a healthy and uneventful pregnancy and your whole family happiness!!  Take good care.

[Zachs]

Thanks everyone for your kind replies. Our family is very excited now, and things seem to be way brighter and encouraging. Thanks for your prayers indeed!

Thanks again.. God Bless.

[Quinns momma]

Congrats and what a blessing. This new baby will bring you so much joy and happiness all worries will soon vanish.
My neighbors have 2 sons. One is 18 and the other is 16. They were so excited to be empty nesters soon and SURPISE she unexpecteldy got pregnant. They went through the same emotions you and your wife are feeling. To add to their surprise it turned out to be twins.  Well now the boy and girl twins are a year old and when I talk to the parents they say that now they cannot imagine their life w/out these new additions. They admit it put a wrench into their plans but say they would do it all over again. They also say they feel like better parents this time around.  They also have 2 sons that are great babysitters so they can still have date nights. Added bonus they do not have to pay their sons. LOL :)

Best of luck and enjoy this unexpected miracle. :)

[taiyahsmom]

I am in somewhat the same boat. My husband and I have a 19, 16, almost 12 year old. We just found out I'm about 5 weeks along. I am sending our prayers your way and have many of the same concerns as you. We told our 19 y/o (boy) and he seems to have taken it pretty well but I have to admit I'm a little worried about the 16 y/o (he hates everything right now lol) Hoping for  + response from my daughter used to ask for a younger sibling all the time (hope that's still true) This is a blessing and everyone will be fine once they get past the shock and like 40smama said the fact that mom and dad still do the dance :) Have and healthy and happy pregnancy congrats!

[prevatt77]

I believe everything happens for a reason and the Lord has the right plans for your family.  My daughter will be 16 and I have an 8 month old and she just loves that little man to death.  I couldn't ask for a better helped than her.

[jenstam]

Well first off, congrats! I do understand your fears and I also can understand the disappointment! I'm sure you and your wife were very much looking forward to living out your plans together after your boys grew older and now those plans are on hold for several more years as you bring up another child. I have chosen the same thing for our family but this did not come with lots and lots of uncertainty. My oldest daughter will graduate this next spring and my youngest daughter is now 10. I remarried and we have a son that is now 2 and another on the way in a little over 2 months. This has been the neatest experience for us all. The older siblings have such a special bond with their little brother. They help parent and play with him and really do help to rear him with us. You just wait until you see that bond grow! I know this baby will be adored and cherished by all of you. Your plans may have changed, but when you look back you will not have wanted it any other way. How exciting!!

[7preg3b]

well I have chosen to be in the same boat and I enjoy it so much more now..  I have a 17,14,11 and 2 and I am pregnant with number 5,,  I love it and wouldn;t trade it for anything..  My two year old is such a joy.  I lost one last year that was stillborn and to be honest it has made me feel that everything that God does is right no matter what time and what our plans are.  He has his own plans for us..  just my opinion.  good luck..  

[Zachs]

Lori:

Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragment. Sorry to hear about your loss. That must have been very heart wrenching. I wish you the best recovering from this..

My wife Lauri and I, are building ourselves up for the big day and excitement that we actually are longing for more every day.

[smr08]

I have to agree with Jen. I'm 41 and had my first son in 1987, a daughter in 1988, my second son in 1997 and I recently lost a son in Oct. at almost 5 months along.My second son was such a blessing, we really thought we were done. When I found out at 40 that I was pregnant again I was in total shock, how could this be, but when it all sunk in we were thrilled, unfortunately it ended sadly. I will be 42 on Friday and i'm TTC. Wait until you see the relationship your boys have with the new baby, my children are 22, 21 and 12 and I love to watch how they interact with each other, sometimes it's like watching 3 12 year olds!LOL I wish you and your wife the best of happiness with your new edition!    Lori

[Zachs]

Jen:

This is exactly the advice my wife and I were longing for. We had similar thoughts and your kindness to reply reinforced them!

We are definately going to go through with the pregnancy and plan to involve the family as soon as we are ready to "let the secret out". Trust me, we are still scared..., but I guess it's time to release the truth as it going to be harder to conceal, and will relieve much tension.

Fear of the unknown is so daunting, especially when there is disappointment along side.

Thanks Jen!

[40smama]

You feelings are totally understandable especially since this pregnancy wasn't something you planned on, took steps to prevent and came to be anyway.  You sound determined to go through w/this pregnancy and raise this child though - like you said it sounds like you feel overwhelmed at the moment.

I believe that this child will be a HUGE blessing to you, your wife and your boys.  I know from experience - I have children ages 25, 23, 20, 16 and 1 years old - that the older ones will take the little one under their wings & be a tremendous influence to him/her.  I bet they'll get the biggest kick out of their newest siblings that you're going to be surprised.  My older children absolutely adore their little brother - that's been so special to watch!

I can also speak from personal experience - i was 12 years old when my mother had my little brother.  At first I was a little taken back but once I got over the fact that my parents had to have sex in order for him to even be here (LOL), I  just fell in love w/my brother as did my older brother who was 16 at the time.

I honestly don't know if my parents planned the pregnancy or not but it ended up being such a positive thing for them - they were more patient w/the new baby than they did w/the others, they were more financially secure & they got lots of help from older siblings.  

Once the pregnancy becomes further along, I believe your family will "catch" the excitement & really get into welcoming this new family member - just give it time.  Remember you can still have those nice things you've dreamed about and worked hard for - I'm not sure what they are but perhaps they can still be done in some way sooner than you think.  My other advice is not to look too far into the future - too overwhelming.  When I start figuring how old I'll be when Noah graduates, I get a little sick in my stomach but it's going to be okay.

I hope this helps! - jen