Aa
Baby has DS
I'm so upset to report this, but I guess since I never expected to get pregnant in the first place, it's inevitable that something would go wrong.
I had the targeted u/s on Tuesday -- which was GREAT. No soft markers, which changed my risk to 1 in 4. But I opted to have amnio, which really isn't bad at all, and today my OB called with the FISH results. I've done enough research to know that FISH results are never contradicted by the full report.
Baby has Trisomy 21, and the DH and I are absolutely stunned by the news. I know some of you have gotten this kind of news recently, and I admire those of you who know you are keeping the baby no matter what. But we've always known we would terminate; I assure you this is not an easy decision and I am devastated by it. For personal reasons, we don't feel equipped to deal with a special needs baby -- and we worry for the child's future once we are gone because we have no big families to help out.
If anyone on here has gone through this, has terminated a pregnancy due to Trisomy 21 or 18, I just would really love to hear from you. I know I will always regret the decision, and yet for us it's the right one to make. I wish things had turned out differently, and we will try to get pregnant again, though my hopes aren't high after this pregnancy took 3 years to happen.
I got some of the most fabulous career news I could get this week, and I'd trade it in a minute for having a healthy baby. It's amazing how life gives with one hand and takes away with the other. I am bereft.
Thanks for this forum and the support you've given me in the short time I've been here. I'll be around. Hugs and best wishes to you all, whether you are waiting for results of your own, waiting to give birth, or trying to conceive.
LH
I had the targeted u/s on Tuesday -- which was GREAT. No soft markers, which changed my risk to 1 in 4. But I opted to have amnio, which really isn't bad at all, and today my OB called with the FISH results. I've done enough research to know that FISH results are never contradicted by the full report.
Baby has Trisomy 21, and the DH and I are absolutely stunned by the news. I know some of you have gotten this kind of news recently, and I admire those of you who know you are keeping the baby no matter what. But we've always known we would terminate; I assure you this is not an easy decision and I am devastated by it. For personal reasons, we don't feel equipped to deal with a special needs baby -- and we worry for the child's future once we are gone because we have no big families to help out.
If anyone on here has gone through this, has terminated a pregnancy due to Trisomy 21 or 18, I just would really love to hear from you. I know I will always regret the decision, and yet for us it's the right one to make. I wish things had turned out differently, and we will try to get pregnant again, though my hopes aren't high after this pregnancy took 3 years to happen.
I got some of the most fabulous career news I could get this week, and I'd trade it in a minute for having a healthy baby. It's amazing how life gives with one hand and takes away with the other. I am bereft.
Thanks for this forum and the support you've given me in the short time I've been here. I'll be around. Hugs and best wishes to you all, whether you are waiting for results of your own, waiting to give birth, or trying to conceive.
LH
Sorry to hear the news, what a disappointment for you, together with the stress of decision-making and feeling that some people will judge you. The worst will be over soon. Although there are a lot of emotions, you don't deserve to be made sad by your decision forever - and you won't be. Things work out for all of us, including your baby, no matter what we do. All we can do is our best, even though it feels as if more than our best is demanded of us at times like these! Take care and keep in touch!
~Wendy
~Wendy
I am also so sorry you are going through this. Like rockermum13 I have a seriously intellectually disabled sister and perhaps have a fairly good idea of what would be involved. Any of us who have amnios know that the ability to make this decision is one of the main reasons for the test's existance. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant I will not have that test unless I plan to make the same decision as you and I probably will have an amnio. Take care of yourself.
Hi,
I must stress to you that at this time, you cannot worry about anyone elses feelings right now, you must be kind to yourself. There are a few resources to recommend - I would be happy to send them to you privately, and not publish them in a public forum. I'm new here, and couldn't figure out how to do that.
As for what to expect - in my opinion - at first numbness and sadness, then more sadness. You need to get support from someone who you trust, and who is kind to you, no matter what. Don't torture yourself reading all the horrible vitriol on the web - it doesn't help and it only hurts. Anyone who makes this decision has already judged themselves, and thought about everything.
Please find support in closed communities without all the judgement, they will understand what you are going through, and they will be supportive.
For the next couple of weeks after, you will, of course, feel very sad, and you won't know if you can go on, but then you do, and like any grief, it lessens, and you have good and bad moments. I can't stress enough that you must find a supportive person who you can just cry to - it could be your husband or a close friend - but someone who is really there for you.
There are many people who have gone through this, they are just a bit harder to find on the internet, because of all the judgment. You are not alone! You will get through this!
I must stress to you that at this time, you cannot worry about anyone elses feelings right now, you must be kind to yourself. There are a few resources to recommend - I would be happy to send them to you privately, and not publish them in a public forum. I'm new here, and couldn't figure out how to do that.
As for what to expect - in my opinion - at first numbness and sadness, then more sadness. You need to get support from someone who you trust, and who is kind to you, no matter what. Don't torture yourself reading all the horrible vitriol on the web - it doesn't help and it only hurts. Anyone who makes this decision has already judged themselves, and thought about everything.
Please find support in closed communities without all the judgement, they will understand what you are going through, and they will be supportive.
For the next couple of weeks after, you will, of course, feel very sad, and you won't know if you can go on, but then you do, and like any grief, it lessens, and you have good and bad moments. I can't stress enough that you must find a supportive person who you can just cry to - it could be your husband or a close friend - but someone who is really there for you.
There are many people who have gone through this, they are just a bit harder to find on the internet, because of all the judgment. You are not alone! You will get through this!
Just wanted to say that I'm really sorry that you are going through this. It has got to be one of the most difficult decisions a woman EVER has to face, and I don't know any woman who has terminated a pregnancy that took the decision lightly or found it easy to do. I respect your reasons for making the decision, and I wish you peace.
im sorry for your loss. it must have been so hard. however, your info isnt correct. there are several trisomy. 13, 18 and 21. 21 is downs. 18 is the trisomy that is horrific. they usually dont make it and if they do they usually pass after birth. i believe if they told you the baby wouldnt make it and was sick, you did the right thing terminating because it was most likely 18. also there is NOTHING that anyone did to cause or not cause any of the trisomys. not folic acid, not vitamins, not even drug use can cause this. its just a mistake in the dna along the way.
to lharris i forgot to add this. you have wanted a child and to experience pg. maybe you need to think about if you were unable to get pg again, you would never experience birth. if you carry this baby and deliver it, there is adoption that many many people want to adopt babies with ds. its a decision that means you get to experience something in life that many dream of (i dream of a natural birth after 2 c's) and a family can have that blessing they dreamed of.
again, no judgment. you do what in your heart makes you feel right. please, do come and talk about what you feel or anything you want. if someone is nasty to you, report them to medhelp and their comment will be removed and they can be banned. you can msg me privatly too if you want. i hope today you are feeling a bit better.
to lharris i forgot to add this. you have wanted a child and to experience pg. maybe you need to think about if you were unable to get pg again, you would never experience birth. if you carry this baby and deliver it, there is adoption that many many people want to adopt babies with ds. its a decision that means you get to experience something in life that many dream of (i dream of a natural birth after 2 c's) and a family can have that blessing they dreamed of.
again, no judgment. you do what in your heart makes you feel right. please, do come and talk about what you feel or anything you want. if someone is nasty to you, report them to medhelp and their comment will be removed and they can be banned. you can msg me privatly too if you want. i hope today you are feeling a bit better.
i've forgot the mention...most trisomiy babies do not even complete the full term..they told me that if i don't terminate it,the baby will not make it anyway..because he was alrady very sick...
if u search on the net,u will see trisomy babies do not live long....
good luck
if u search on the net,u will see trisomy babies do not live long....
good luck
hi there:
i had to terminate the pregnancy last year for exactly the same reaason and it was an unexpected preg. for us as well..now when i think back about it,i know it was a wake up call for me to decide whether or not i wanna have a baby in my life....
first of,this problem is very common if the couple wasn't planning to have a baby.thats because most likely u werent taking ur prenatal vitamins,u werent eating well and same for ur husband he wasing doing all these things that he was supposed to.FOLIC ACID is incradibly important to have a health baby with the right chromosoms...
the other thing is that it might have been just a bad egg or bad sperm ..thats the main reason for trisomy diseases...
it's also natura's way of telling someting to you abut ur life.....or if u are religious, it's god's way of telling you someting...
so u gotta decide what u want in life and work tru.....if u want baby,it will not happen again and u have to work tru..take vitamins,study how to TTC all kinds of stuff...
if u don't wanna baby,thats fine and work that way...
after i trerminated the baby tru D&C, I was very depressed for a long time...they say it is normal due to hormonal changes and the only think i was thinking about was to have a health baby..i was obsessed with that..yes i used to be a career girl..but that's life...
so i worked so hard for TTC..i tried to do everything right for me and for husband....i'm pregnant now and everything looks ok so far.....
one thing...when u terminate the baby ,be preperad for depression and make sure you are surruonded with lots of family & friend...it's just the way hormones work...
and wish the best no matter what....
i had to terminate the pregnancy last year for exactly the same reaason and it was an unexpected preg. for us as well..now when i think back about it,i know it was a wake up call for me to decide whether or not i wanna have a baby in my life....
first of,this problem is very common if the couple wasn't planning to have a baby.thats because most likely u werent taking ur prenatal vitamins,u werent eating well and same for ur husband he wasing doing all these things that he was supposed to.FOLIC ACID is incradibly important to have a health baby with the right chromosoms...
the other thing is that it might have been just a bad egg or bad sperm ..thats the main reason for trisomy diseases...
it's also natura's way of telling someting to you abut ur life.....or if u are religious, it's god's way of telling you someting...
so u gotta decide what u want in life and work tru.....if u want baby,it will not happen again and u have to work tru..take vitamins,study how to TTC all kinds of stuff...
if u don't wanna baby,thats fine and work that way...
after i trerminated the baby tru D&C, I was very depressed for a long time...they say it is normal due to hormonal changes and the only think i was thinking about was to have a health baby..i was obsessed with that..yes i used to be a career girl..but that's life...
so i worked so hard for TTC..i tried to do everything right for me and for husband....i'm pregnant now and everything looks ok so far.....
one thing...when u terminate the baby ,be preperad for depression and make sure you are surruonded with lots of family & friend...it's just the way hormones work...
and wish the best no matter what....
((((( H U G S ))))
I am so sorry- again!
More (((( H U G S )))))
I am so sorry- again!
More (((( H U G S )))))
adoption is always a choice.. there are parents out there that would love your child... please give it a thought and you baby a chance to continue living...
I am sorry that you are so sad & having to make such a hard choice ;( I have never had to decide something like this, & even though because of my religious believes could never terminate, I have been through a DnC for a missed MC @ 11+weeks, & I can tell you for me, that was HORRIBLE. I am not a sad person, but I was VERY VERY depressed for days. I really struggled & honestly it has changed me a bit. Luckily for me, & my family I was able to pull out of it before it got out of hand, but it was very hard.
I remember balling on the way to the surgery center, feeling so guilty about what I was about to do, even though I knew my baby had died. But for me it was just the worse feeling to do it, & I remember thinking that I really don't think I can do this again.
Please don't feel like I am judging you, cuz I'm not, I just think you should talk to maybe a therapist before, because this will change your life, & you need to be prepared, & make sure that you feel you will be able to handle it.
Lot's of XoXoXo's
laura ;o)
I remember balling on the way to the surgery center, feeling so guilty about what I was about to do, even though I knew my baby had died. But for me it was just the worse feeling to do it, & I remember thinking that I really don't think I can do this again.
Please don't feel like I am judging you, cuz I'm not, I just think you should talk to maybe a therapist before, because this will change your life, & you need to be prepared, & make sure that you feel you will be able to handle it.
Lot's of XoXoXo's
laura ;o)
hi, i am one that has also found out my dd has ds. i know my feelings are much different than yours, and i feel for you and your pain. i dont want to push my beliefs or tell you what to do, i want to throw a few bits of info out and tell you i am not going to judge.
i know many of us think of a child or person with ds, and we think unable to care for themselves, unable to live a full life, work, have relationships ect. while its true we cant determine the degree of help they will need before birth, so many children are born and able to accomplish more than years ago. many go to school to graduate from high school with a regular diploma. some can even go on to go to college.
this is just something i suggest, but by no means am i judging or telling you its the only way ok? i think if you talk to someone from an agency supporting downs. talk to a therapist first about how you might regret your decision. to terminate can be a life altering issue with or without a child having any type of disablity.
make peace with yourself whatever your choice. i know we all have different ways of dealing with the tough life decisions, it isnt right or wrong its just different. i am so sorry this is so hard on you, i cant imagine this having happened my first pg. i did talk to my geneticist today and he said if i had more children (uh no) that the chances of it happening again arent significantly higher. i hope i didnt offend, i would never dream of doing that.
i know many of us think of a child or person with ds, and we think unable to care for themselves, unable to live a full life, work, have relationships ect. while its true we cant determine the degree of help they will need before birth, so many children are born and able to accomplish more than years ago. many go to school to graduate from high school with a regular diploma. some can even go on to go to college.
this is just something i suggest, but by no means am i judging or telling you its the only way ok? i think if you talk to someone from an agency supporting downs. talk to a therapist first about how you might regret your decision. to terminate can be a life altering issue with or without a child having any type of disablity.
make peace with yourself whatever your choice. i know we all have different ways of dealing with the tough life decisions, it isnt right or wrong its just different. i am so sorry this is so hard on you, i cant imagine this having happened my first pg. i did talk to my geneticist today and he said if i had more children (uh no) that the chances of it happening again arent significantly higher. i hope i didnt offend, i would never dream of doing that.
Posts like this invoke strong emotions. And I agree it should never be a decision taken lightly, so it's natural that it would. For some it is impossible to imagine terminating under any circumstances and that is absolutely their right and should be respected. It is also right that those that do not feel that way should have their feelings on the matter respected. None of us can possibly know what it is like to live another's life. This is one of the most intensly personal decisions anyone will ever make. It's a tough topic, no doubt about it. I really hope that you are doing ok. I can only imagine how painful a decision this was for you.
I wouldn't worry about hurting anyone's feelings...we are all grown ups and entitled to our own opinions. Just because someone may not make the same choice doesn't mean that can't be supportive of you and sympathize with your situation.
With all my heart, I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. Because, no matter what choice you make, your life is forever altered. I don't know you...but I wish I could hug you. Even though termination is a choice you are making, it is still a loss. A loss of your dreams of motherhood, a loss of your child...and I truly can relate. Again, I'm so sorry. If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to message me...
Tricia
With all my heart, I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. Because, no matter what choice you make, your life is forever altered. I don't know you...but I wish I could hug you. Even though termination is a choice you are making, it is still a loss. A loss of your dreams of motherhood, a loss of your child...and I truly can relate. Again, I'm so sorry. If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to message me...
Tricia
Thank you for all your kindness. I am bereft. But I regret writing this post now, as I've clearly hurt others feelings and I wish I could delete it. I appreciate the understanding from those who've posted, and I do know that we aren't all on the same page about these things.
But thank you so much for being kind to me. It means a lot right now.
But thank you so much for being kind to me. It means a lot right now.
like all the other women have wrote...i am so sorry for what you are going through! i cant imagine getting the news...how devasating! i wish you and your husband calmness and piece during this hard time! you will be in my prayers. i look forward to seeing you on this board in the future.
trish
trish
I'm so sorry to hear your news - that is a very difficult decision to make. You're choice is what you believe to be the best decision for the baby - and you've thought of the future of this child. So, I hope the peace will come eventually for you - I can't imagine your pain at this moment. I wish you and your dh alot of strength through this.
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I will not even pretend to understand the pain and emotions you are feeling. I pray that you find peace with your decision. Take care.
I am very sorry.
My mom had a baby with DS- I was 19 at the time- and she chose to terminate. She has 6 kids. Me- along with the kids would have accepted the baby either way. I sometimes think of the baby--- miss them.
I wish you the best.
Please be informed about the termination ... and I am so sorry you are going thru this.
I also wanted to add that there is always adoption- and please dont think I am preaching ... wishing you the best- thinking of you ... so sorry.
My mom had a baby with DS- I was 19 at the time- and she chose to terminate. She has 6 kids. Me- along with the kids would have accepted the baby either way. I sometimes think of the baby--- miss them.
I wish you the best.
Please be informed about the termination ... and I am so sorry you are going thru this.
I also wanted to add that there is always adoption- and please dont think I am preaching ... wishing you the best- thinking of you ... so sorry.
I am so sorry sweetie...we hope you will be back very soon!
I'm so sorry to hear your news ;( Having recently been through an amnio & awaiting the results, I feel for you & your dh. I can imagine how difficult this decision is for you & I respect you & pray for strength for you both. Take care!
So sorry that you got these news!
I have never terminated a pregnancy, but had I been in your shoes, I very certainly would have done the same thing. That's said, I am sure that it is not an easy decision to take and not an easy procedure to go through and I wish you courage!
Not completely the same situation but last year I miscarried twins, I had a D&C at about 11 weeks. It was very hard and I got really depressed, suicidal even. I never thought I would get pregnant again because of my age, but I did - at age 40. So keep hope for the future, having been pregnant once will increase your chance to be pregnant again and I believe the odds of carrying an other DS fetus will be very small.
I wish you courage!!
I have never terminated a pregnancy, but had I been in your shoes, I very certainly would have done the same thing. That's said, I am sure that it is not an easy decision to take and not an easy procedure to go through and I wish you courage!
Not completely the same situation but last year I miscarried twins, I had a D&C at about 11 weeks. It was very hard and I got really depressed, suicidal even. I never thought I would get pregnant again because of my age, but I did - at age 40. So keep hope for the future, having been pregnant once will increase your chance to be pregnant again and I believe the odds of carrying an other DS fetus will be very small.
I wish you courage!!
I wish you peace with your choice, Take care
I am sorry you got this news. While I struggle with my personal feelings on termination, I respect that you have to do what's right for you and your family. None of us can know what it is like to walk in your shoes. I know this is not a decision you made lightly and you must be in incredible pain right now. Please take care and I truly wish you well.
I'm sorry to hear your news, I'm a firm believer in only the two people going through a situation like yours can decide what's best for them and their family. Good Luck, I can well imagine how horrible the next few weeks will be for you and your dh.
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy 35 and Older Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
